Explore new avenues - Ask our counsellor Q&A column

[The following column written by me was published in the Deccan Herald Education supplement on July 24, 2014]

Dear Madam,

I have completed my 6th semester B.A. exams, but couldn't clear my 5th semester paper. I had taken psychology, journalism and English as my optional subjects as I wanted to pursue my higher education in psychology without proper planning. Now that I have to wait a year to take up my further education due to my backlog I feel that I have lost completely. I do not know what to do in my future. Whether to look for a job or to wait and pursue my further education. I really need your help. I want to know few courses that I can do in this one year which would help me in future and also tell me what I can do in my further education. Does psychology really have good job prospects? I am a typical introvert and have very poor communication and socializing skills.

Pooja, Bangalore   

Dear Pooja

As you probably know, I am not a career counsellor and am in no position to give you advice on what course you should do and what has good job prospects. I would, however, flip the question around in your mind to “what course would you like to do?” You can make a success out of any field you choose, provided you have an interest and passion for it. You may have lost a year in your course, but look at that year in the perspective of your whole life. It is one year, not your whole life, so why would you allow yourself to say you have ‘lost completely’. And consider the infinite possibilities this one year may give you the time to explore for yourself – primary among which may be getting to know yourself better! Consider it as a chance you are getting to explore new avenues and study anything you want, and learn new skills. There are so many wonderful online courses that can open up a whole new world for you. Allow yourself to experience possibilities that you may not have had the chance to explore otherwise. In the context of your whole life, everything is just merely another experience, not a defining moment. All success and failure are transitory. Don’t get too attached to them.

There is no such thing ‘typical’ introvert. You are ‘unique’ and you are special and you have your strengths. Use this time to discover them.

Dear Madam

I have always dreamt of doing something on my own – doing something big. But I have no idea in which field. Now, hopefully in the next couple of years, I will get an idea by looking at the world in a different perspective. My other dream is to provide education to those who cannot afford it. God willing may be after working for about 25 – 30 years (or much less than that) I would like to open a school. I would like to know from you, what are the small but important steps to take as of now in order to achieve my dream.

S P

Dear SP

It is great to dream big and aim high. That shows you a path of where you need to go. However, remember to chart out your path with milestones along the way, so that you know that you are headed in the right direction. Just like you cannot reach an unknown place without a map (and landmarks along the way to show you that you are on the right path), you need to break up your dreams, into smaller, more achievable, milestones that show you your progress, and also keep you on track.You cannot just wake up one day and say today I will fulfill my dream. You will have to secure many ends along the way to get there – financial, professional, emotional, social, physical and so on. For instance, if you know you want to open a school for the under-privileged now, and you are not yet married, you must ensure you get married to someone who shares that dream and can support you and be a part of that journey! Similarly, you must also start planning for it now, financially. Hope this helps

Dear Madam 

I am doing my 4th semester Engineering (Medical electronics). As I had done my diploma earlier, I got a seat in BE directly in the second year. I am an above average student but found it difficult to cope with my subjects. Also, due to ill health during the exams, I did not fare well and had five backlogs. I lost a year. I am very depressed and I cannot come out of this depression. When I think about it, I feel scared and cannot stop my tears. I have never had backlogs before and have always performed well. I have cleared the backlogs but feel low about going back to college. I cannot concentrate as before. I don’t want to repeat the same mistake again. 

Worried Student 

Dear Student

I understand that you are feeling depressed because you have several backlogs, and you are not used to having them. This is new for you and is probably causing you to feel embarrassed, ashamed, and feel like a failure. Remember, failure is always an event, never a person. So you may have failed at an exam, but that does not mean you are a failure as a person. I have written extensively on this issue in this column and don’t want to sound too repetitive. I urge you to read some of my earlier writings on my blog. You may have lost a year, but what is a year in the perspective of your whole life? You may have lost a year. You do not have to interpret it to mean that you have lost your whole life. How you interpret the fact that you lost a year is entirely your choice and within your control. www.personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2010/09/its-not-end-of-road.html www.personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2010/09/putting-exams-in-perspective.html
Try and understand what you are most scared about. What is your worst fear? Once you have identified it and named it, you will find it much easier to face. Sometimes you may need help with this and I suggest you get the help of a counsellor. You can also try reaching out to the Parivarthan Counselling Helpline which will give you free access to a counsellor to get you started on your journey to recovery. The number of the helpline is 080-65333323.

Dear Madam,

I am in my final year of BA. Like many students, I am in utter confusion about my career. I am a BE dropout, took up BA just to complete my degree. I feel that I don’t know myself, my interests and skills and am unable to decide my future and this is creating a lot of frustration in me. My teachers have always told me that I am a bright boy but I am starting to doubt myself. Please help me.

JJ

Dear JJ

 I think you would benefit from seeing a career counsellor who can help you gain clarity on what career choices will be best for you, given your strengths and interests. I am not a career counsellor so will not be able to help you with that. However, it is critical that you do ‘know’ yourself. The more you know yourself, the more you will be able to understand what drives you, and where your pitfalls lie. You can then create an environment which allows you to build on your strengths, and work on your weaknesses if you would like to overcome them. Again, you will benefit from reading earlier versions of this column which are all available on my blog. Realizing that you are not the only one with this confusion, that there are many students at your juncture in life who are faced with similar dilemmas. You could also read http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2010/09/see-lion-in-mirror.html And if you are still feeling doubtful about yourself, please seek the help of a counsellor.

Chart your own path - Ask our counsellor Q&A column

[The following column written by me was published in the Deccan Herald Education Supplment of April 3, 2014]

Respected Madam

I am studying in engineering third year (6^th semester). I want to be a professional traveler. I want to see every corner of the world. How do I start my career in travelling?     Ma’am, I want you to suggest the way. Moreover I feel like I am never in to this engineering. I don’t like just mugging up the subject and vomiting on a paper. It doesn’t make any sense, but that's what I am doing in Engineering. If I sit back and think about  why I chose this field, the only reason I can come up with is that I just followed someone else’s footprints. I kept questioning myself about what actually I want to become. From childhood I have this habit of cutting out articles from newspapers that contain information about some beautiful (unknown) places, so that someday I could go there. Even today I do that. This thing has made me want to choose travelling as a career, and this decision isn’t an overnight one. I took time and moreover my heart says this is it. So, what’s the next step that I should consider after completing my engineering? My neighborhood friends feel that I am gambling with my career if I take up this field. Is it true? Some say pursue an MBA and travel and tourism course abroad so that you can have more opportunities. I don’t know what to do. I am messed up. I don't want to sit behind 10 desks back in a corner and work for 7-8 hours. I want to be a traveler and would like to wander and be lost in people.

Khasim. 

Dear Khasim

I am not a career counsellor, and am not in a position to guide you on what course you should do, and where. All I can say is that if you are very sure of your passion and dreams, then go for it. There will always be people saying you are making the wrong choice. But if you believe that is the right choice for you, then go ahead with it. Meet other people in the field and ask them for their advice and inputs. Talk to role models in that field. Visualize which aspect of the field you want to get into. Break up your goal into small achievable steps and then set forth climbing one step at a time. And most importantly, enjoy the climb while you are at it.

All the best.

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Dear Madam

My son is studying in P.U. IInd year with the combination of science courses. As I have noticed, he does not have any high ambition in acquiring any amount of knowledge or skills, to develop his career options. He does not show much interest in studying books and doing his assignments but scores well with marks from 65 to 75 percent. He is good in the use of the mobile and internet by himself. By the way to me, it gives some sort of satisfaction every year with unsettled mind to be in a stable job. So, I have been insisting that he spend more time on studying and working hard, but he does not take it seriously to improve his abilities & settle his mind for further growth & development in his career. In view of such differences, I am worried about what kind of action he or I should take to improve his future.

Thopaiah

Dear Thopaiah

While we feel that we know what is best for our children, and that the lessons we have learnt apply equally to them, we must recognize that they are unique individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses, and their own values and beliefs. Everyone learns life’s lessons the hard way. We would like to try and make it easier for them, thinking that the lessons we learnt in our life are the same ones that will apply to them. So we try and hand them the lessons and wonder why they don’t accept them. The reality is that some of life’s lessons can only be learnt by living them, and experiencing them. So, while you are understandably anxious as a parent, you need to be able to deal with your anxiety in a way that is not counter-productive. You need to help him find his own motivation, rather than go down the path of “I know what is good for you”. Everyone needs to live their own dreams and chart their own path.

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Dear Madam

I am a 3^rd year Computer Science engineering student, I should be in 4^th year now, but I lost a year, last year. When I was in high school I had decided not to become a software engineer as I hated the computer subject, but my cousins told me that it is a good and easy profession. I thought I might be underestimating my capability so took CS. Now many a times I regret this decision. In every semester I get two backlogs. As I have entered this field I want to complete it. I have a habit of writing practice in studying but I lack confidence during exams .Please help.

Banashree Aribenchi

Dear Banashree

It is very important to believe in yourself, your capabilities, and your choices. You must choose a career that plays to your strengths and, therefore, makes you feel stronger and more capable, rather than weaker and incapable. While you have already come this far in your case, you may want to continue with your persistence and complete it, but you should allow yourself the option of ultimately choosing a career that you enjoy. Do not consider that you have wasted your time so far. Education is never lost and learning is never a waste. Don’t think that you have already spent 4 years in this field and so you need to necessarily spend the remaining 40 years of your working life doing something you do not enjoy. Put the time spent into the perspective of your whole life. And find your passion.

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Dear Madam

I am an engineering student studying in the 6^th semester. My problem is that I am suffering from a severe type of fear & doubt in everything, whether in studies, exams, at home or outside. So I am suffering from lack of confidence & low self-esteem. Please help me in this regard. Thank you.

B Nawaz Ligade
 

Dear Nawaz

To be able to help you I would need to understand more about your fears and doubts. You may need some ongoing support so please contact a counsellor who can help you through this. I am not sure if you have easy access to a counsellor, but in case you do not please speak to a counsellor at the Parivarthan Counselling Helpline (Ph: 080 65333323) who will be able to help you. This is a free helpline which operates from Mondays to Fridays from 4 pm to 10 pm. Counselling can really help you rebuild your confidence and self-esteem and deal with your fears and doubts.

All the best.
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Dear Madam

I am currently in my 8^th semester of Engineering in Electronics & Communications, and have an aggregate of 59.8%. Recently with all the placement activities going on in my college, I've been feeling like I'm left behind. I had 2 backlogs in the 3^rd semester, but cleared them in the very next semester, and that pulled my aggregate way down. Since then I saw to it that I never have any backlogs. Because of this I wasn't eligible for a few reputed companies. Many of my friends got placed and because of the fact that I didn't, I feel very depressed. I have attended a couple of placement drives but I didn't get lucky. I have a good 10^th and 12^th score but just because I have a low aggregate in Engineering I was not able to attend many placement drives. I have good managerial and co-ordination skills, and I'm a goal-oriented person. I have been active in co-curricular activities. Will these qualities help me in the future? Are there any hopes for me?

A frustrated student.

Dear student

As I have said in this column, several times before, marks may only open some doors for you. But, ultimately making a success of the path that that door leads to is not dependent on your marks. Success in the workplace, your career, and your life, depends on several things other than your marks. It depends on your confidence, your creativity, your ability to think out of the box, your ability to problem-solve, your ability to lead a team, your ability to be a contributing member of a team, your ability to communicate, your project management skills, your commitment and perseverance, and a host of other things. None of these are influenced by your marks. And remember, if one door closes, another will open, provided you allow it to. You may not make the grade in campus placement, but that does not mean that you will never find any job, or that you are a failure. You just may have to look a little harder.

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