The following queries answered by me, appeared in the Deccan Herald Education Supplement on March 24, 2011
Dear Madam
I am currently studying in 11 Std and am doing science. I scored 9 CGPA in 10 standard. I want to become a doctor, but I am being distracted from my studies in school. I know that this is the age to study, but some boys come and say that I look very cute and ask me to accept their proposal. Thinking I may not get such a nice person ever again I gravitate towards him! But, first of all, is it necessary to have a boyfriend? And, what is love? Please tell me what to do?
Distracted Student
Dear Distracted Student
I understand that you have a feeling that you may never find a ‘nice’ boy again and that drives you to getting distracted with the current boy who is pursuing you. I would like you to think about it. Why do you feel that you will never find another boy? Do you believe that you are not good enough and therefore should grab whoever is coming your way right now? I have written some articles earlier on the topics of self esteem and self image which can be found at http://archive.deccanherald.com/Content/May22009/living20090501133620.asp and http://www.deccanherald.com/content/97262/how-balanced-your-seesaws.html. Read them if you get a chance. You have to believe in yourself, and believe that you are good enough to find an appropriate partner whenever you are ready for it.
I also get a sense that you may be getting distracted because you feel you must have a boyfriend, otherwise you won’t be ‘cool’ enough amongst your peers. A boyfriend is not ‘something’ that you must have, but rather someone whom you are able to connect with as a friend, and at an emotional level. He is someone who loves you for who you are, and not because it is ‘cool’ to be with you. He is someone you feel comfortable with. There is no such age as the right age to love, and the right age to have a boyfriend. When you find the right person you will know.
If you are distracted, then you must consciously try to retain your focus on what you are meant to do — i.e. study. Remember, now is the time to work towards your goals. If, as you say, you want to become a doctor, then you probably have a lot of work to do. If you are able to achieve your goals everything else will fall into place later. If you miss out on your goals now, you may not get another chance to achieve them later. Unfortunately, there is a sequence of events in life, and sometimes doing things in the wrong order may spoil the eventual outcome.
All the best.
Dear Madam,
I am a student of BE final year. I have not been able to clear the aptitude tests of 3 companies. Even though I work hard I am unable to get short listed. I scored 80.83% in my 12th and 85.92% in my 10th exams. My academic result is 65.373%. What shall I do now?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I don’t think you should feel disheartened so early on in your search. If you have not cleared 3 aptitude tests, it does not mean that you are not good enough. It just means that you have not done well in those tests, and that you need to hone your skills in appearing for those tests some more. See it as an opportunity to develop your skills, like a test of mock exams before the final ones. Remember, failure is never a person.
If we use that failure as an opportunity to learn something, then it is not a failure at all. Also, remember, that success in the workplace is not a function of your marks. Success in the workplace is a function of other skills. What the workplace needs today is not marks, but self-esteem.
Showing posts with label distraction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label distraction. Show all posts
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Thursday, 3 March 2011
You control your reaction to situations: Ask Our Counsellor - Q&A Column March 3, 2011
The following column, written by me, appeared in the Deccan Herald Education Supplement dt. March 3, 2011
Dear Madam
My Board exams are just a few weeks away. I have been suffering from depression for the last few months and am under medication for that. I have been unable to focus on my work because of the side-effects of the medication. I have high expectations from myself but since I have not been able to focus on my studies I feel like giving up. Help! I am beginning to feel that everything is a waste and there is no point in all this anymore.
Hopeless Student
Dear Hopeless Student,
It is unfortunate that depression has hit you so close to your exams. However, things happen over which we have no control. We are all dealt a certain pack of cards in life —we need to make the best use of the pack that we have. It is no point saying that I would have done better, had I been dealt a different hand. Given the reality of what you are facing, you need to give it your best shot.
I understand that you have high expectations from yourself. And that’s great. Because if you don’t have that, then it is very easy to give up. However, I would like you to think about your expectations and about how you are defining success. If you are defining success for yourself in terms of getting, for example, above 95% marks in the Board exams, then the target may seem too distant and unattainable, and therefore, you may feel demotivated to even try.
However, if you are defining success for yourself in terms of getting admission into one of the courses of your choice at a reasonably good institution, then that goal is broader and you are likely to have a better chance of achieving it. Or, if you are clear about what career path you want to follow, then recognise that the marks in the immediate exams are only a stepping stone towards it, and not the ultimate objective themselves. Marks only open up some doors. However, if those doors don’t open, some others will — you may just have to look a little harder for them.
Things happen, and situations arise, in life over which we have no control. How we interpret those situations is something we have total control over. Therein lies our power. So discover the power within yourself. Keep the control with you. Don’t give it up to anyone else. Good luck.
Dear Madam
I am a first year science student. Whenever I start studying my mind gets distracted to something else. Because of this my performance in the past 3 years has been decreasing gradually. Please help.
Ritesh
Dear Ritesh,
To get the most out of our time, we must concentrate on what we are doing in the moment, rather than let our mind wander. The ability to concentrate is a skill that the mind can be trained for, so that we control the mind (and its thoughts) rather than the other way around. The power of being able to focus and concentrate can be illustrated most effectively with the analogy of the sun’s rays. When focused and concentrated to a point on a paper, through a convex lens, the sun’s rays can start a fire, but nothing happens if the focus is not correct.
Concentration can make all the difference between your excelling, and lighting the figurative fire in your belly.
Some exercises to help you improve your concentration are:
*Count backwards in your mind from 100 to 1
*Count every third number backwards in your mind from 100 to 1
*Count the words in a paragraph of your book without using your finger as a pointer. Once this is easy, count the words on a page.
*Try repeating an inspiring word or a simple sound, in your mind for five minutes.
*Once this is easy, try doing it for ten minutes.
These are just a few simple exercises which have been known to improve concentration. Try them for a few minutes everyday and see if you experience a difference.
Dear Madam
My Board exams are just a few weeks away. I have been suffering from depression for the last few months and am under medication for that. I have been unable to focus on my work because of the side-effects of the medication. I have high expectations from myself but since I have not been able to focus on my studies I feel like giving up. Help! I am beginning to feel that everything is a waste and there is no point in all this anymore.
Hopeless Student
Dear Hopeless Student,
It is unfortunate that depression has hit you so close to your exams. However, things happen over which we have no control. We are all dealt a certain pack of cards in life —we need to make the best use of the pack that we have. It is no point saying that I would have done better, had I been dealt a different hand. Given the reality of what you are facing, you need to give it your best shot.
I understand that you have high expectations from yourself. And that’s great. Because if you don’t have that, then it is very easy to give up. However, I would like you to think about your expectations and about how you are defining success. If you are defining success for yourself in terms of getting, for example, above 95% marks in the Board exams, then the target may seem too distant and unattainable, and therefore, you may feel demotivated to even try.
However, if you are defining success for yourself in terms of getting admission into one of the courses of your choice at a reasonably good institution, then that goal is broader and you are likely to have a better chance of achieving it. Or, if you are clear about what career path you want to follow, then recognise that the marks in the immediate exams are only a stepping stone towards it, and not the ultimate objective themselves. Marks only open up some doors. However, if those doors don’t open, some others will — you may just have to look a little harder for them.
Things happen, and situations arise, in life over which we have no control. How we interpret those situations is something we have total control over. Therein lies our power. So discover the power within yourself. Keep the control with you. Don’t give it up to anyone else. Good luck.
Dear Madam
I am a first year science student. Whenever I start studying my mind gets distracted to something else. Because of this my performance in the past 3 years has been decreasing gradually. Please help.
Ritesh
Dear Ritesh,
To get the most out of our time, we must concentrate on what we are doing in the moment, rather than let our mind wander. The ability to concentrate is a skill that the mind can be trained for, so that we control the mind (and its thoughts) rather than the other way around. The power of being able to focus and concentrate can be illustrated most effectively with the analogy of the sun’s rays. When focused and concentrated to a point on a paper, through a convex lens, the sun’s rays can start a fire, but nothing happens if the focus is not correct.
Concentration can make all the difference between your excelling, and lighting the figurative fire in your belly.
Some exercises to help you improve your concentration are:
*Count backwards in your mind from 100 to 1
*Count every third number backwards in your mind from 100 to 1
*Count the words in a paragraph of your book without using your finger as a pointer. Once this is easy, count the words on a page.
*Try repeating an inspiring word or a simple sound, in your mind for five minutes.
*Once this is easy, try doing it for ten minutes.
These are just a few simple exercises which have been known to improve concentration. Try them for a few minutes everyday and see if you experience a difference.
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