Do not let failure frighten you - Ask our Counsellor - May 5, 2011

[The following queries answered by me appeared in Deccan Herald on May 5, 2011]

Dear Madam,

I am a PUC II (Science) student. I completed my 10th in a small town. After much effort, I shifted to a nearby city to complete my education. I was lax in my first year and got less marks. I am feeling very tense about my second year. I am from a poor family. I want to score good marks. Please guide me.
Nikhil

Dear Nikhil

You seem to want an outcome without working for it. Unfortunately nothing in life gets attained without hard work. However, getting tense about the outcome is not helpful. Just wanting to score good marks, without being willing to put in the effort to work towards them, is not the way forward. Your anxiety and stress may be stemming from a fear of failure. It would be worth your while to take some time and think about what you are scared of? What is your worst fear about the exams? It is often helpful to write out these fears and express them. This allows you to get them out of your system and focus on what you need to do.

Do not let failure frighten you. Failure is an event, not a person. The worst that can happen in an exam is that you may fail in that exam. But, even if you fail in an exam, that does not mean you have failed as a person. And this refers to all kinds of failures in life. When you view a failure as one passing event in life rather than your whole life, and your whole being, you are able to move on. Often students feel that if they fail in an exam they have failed as a person and there is no more hope for them. So, don’t get overwhelmed by the time you have already squandered away. If you have the realisation now, that you need to make changes, then I would say, “Better late than never”. Good luck and work hard. There is no substitute for determination, perseverance, struggle and hard work.

Dear Madam

I am studying in high school. I make a lot of spelling mistakes and my hand writing is going from bad to worse. Can you give me some tips to improve my handwriting and to avoid spelling mistakes?
Student

Dear Student,
If your handwriting is deteriorating, now that you are in high school, and you feel it is not because you need to write too much too fast, and therefore, cannot focus on the writing, I feel you should get an evaluation from a psychologist who may help you deal with this. Both the handwriting and spelling mistakes may be the result of other underlying concerns you may be having.

Dear Madam,
I finished my PU II exams, and have various other exams to take up like CET, COMEDK, NATA, AIEEE. The problem is I am not able to concentrate on my studies at all. I scored well until Std VIII with 80% in my Science subjects. Of late my concentration has hit rock bottom. It has had an adverse effect on my studies. I am hardly able to pass now. I have done badly in my Board exams also because of this. My mind wanders off when I start studying. I want to get my concentration back. I am not able to comprehend what I am going through. Please help me.
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
I get a sense that you are over anxious about your results, and therefore, are not able to perform well in your exams. You need to be able to put exams in perspective. When you step out of your current shoes and look at your exams from a distance, you will realise that they are only one of the many things in your life and not your whole life. There are several challenges, failures and victories that you will face in life.

This is only one of them. What exams do is to open some doors for you. If you don’t do well in your exams, then those specific doors may not open, but others will — only you will have to look for them. Success in life depends on several other factors, like self-esteem, confidence, and the ability to think creatively, learn quickly, work independently, and in a team, communicate well, and empathise with people, to mention just a few. How do you interpret failure? You are bound to face failure at several stages in life. Everybody does. The important thing is to be able to differentiate the failure from you. Don’t chase the result — chase the learning and relax.

Concentrate on what we are doing in the moment, rather than let our mind wander. The ability to concentrate is a skill that the mind can be trained for, so that we control the mind (and its thoughts) rather than the other way around. Concentration can make all the difference between your excelling. Some exercises to help you improve your concentration are:

*Count backwards in your mind from 100 to 1
*Count every third number backwards in your mind from 100 to 1
*Count the words in a paragraph of your book without using your finger as a pointer.

Once this is easy, count the words on a page. Try repeating an inspiring word or a simple sound, in your mind for five minutes. Once this is easy, try doing it for ten minutes. These are just a few simple exercises which have been known to improve concentration. Try them for a few minutes everyday and see the difference.