Dear Madam,
I am a first year medical student awaiting my results. I have done badly and am afraid of failing but this isn't my only problem. I believe I have many problems that are affecting my overall personality and general well being. I have issues with self confidence leading to constant underachievement. People around me believe in me and are more confident of me than I myself am.
I was sent to a simple school by my parents. The school did not provide anything to encourage students and my parents didn't also spend a lot of money. The school had twenty students in class X, so there wasn't much exposure and around the board exams all my teachers were confident of me and expected me to get 95% but I never aimed very high. I always have the problem of mixing with people of wrong group - A group that says it doesn't matter how many marks you get, "the lazy group". I never really worked hard. I ended with 89%. My teachers were disappointed but I felt it was OK. Things got worse in Class XII. Again I mixed with the wrong group, wasted time and again studied only on the day of my exam. I still managed to score 80%.
My biggest problems are lack of self confidence, motivation and focus. I always tend to mess up in the exams that really matter. I do well in all my internals but mess up the board paper. This has been going on since Class X. There hasn't been a single paper I have written with self confidence and the right frame of mind. I still did well and managed to score 700th rank in KCET but again the underachievement problem and that of messing up when it actually matters crept up. I went to a coaching center for the two years of PUC.
In Class XI, I was given a certificate for getting the best marks but with the same group of students in Class XII, in the exam that actually mattered, I messed up -The reason being my under-confidence. I solved all the Physics problems but didn't shade them in the OMR sheet as I was not sure (people usually double check, I check four times and I am still not confident or at least I think so). Just then I realized that there were only five minutes left and I couldn't shade in all the answers and got 700th rank when people expected much more from me. Please help.
Also if I fail to clear a paper in the first attempt in MBBS, what is the procedure for my re-exam and will this affect my PG chances or the PG entrance exam, please explain.
Thank you.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I am happy that you are self-reflecting and are able to identify some patterns in your life that are repeating themselves to your disadvantage. That is half the battle won, because awareness of harmful patterns is the most difficult step. Once you are aware of them you will be able to change them if you set your mind to it. I think it would really help you to go in for some face-to-face counseling sessions, if you have access to a counselor. There is only so much that can be written about your concerns in this column.
I don’t have answers to your questions about the medical college examination system. However, I would like to ask you what would have happened if you had only double-checked your answers and allowed some mistakes to creep in? What were you afraid off? Sometimes perfectionism comes at a price that is too high and not worth the lost opportunity. Why do you doubt yourself and behave in self-sabotaging ways? What is your perception of yourself, and is it this self-perception that you are trying to live-down to by not putting in your best effort? How did you get this ‘not so high’ self-perception? Are you anxious and stressed about the exams that ‘really matter’ that hold you back from performing to your potential in them? These are questions you must reflect on with the help of a counselor, or another trusted adult, so that you can change the patterns that are blocking your success.
Good Luck!
Dear Madam,
My son Faazil, aged 10 years, is studying in Class V in a good school in RT Nagar. He is an above average student who scored 75% in Class IV. In June he had an attack of Typhoid and was irregular to school for sometime. After that he refused to go to school. He says that his teacher beats him.
Any amount of cajoling and forcing has not helped. Till date he has not attended school and refuses to go. My younger son also is studying in the same school and he has no problem with the teachers. Please advise and help us in solving this problem and to continue my son's schooling.
Amina Talath
Dear Amina,
I think you should seek the help of a counselor to understand what is bothering your son. Sometimes the reasons are not apparent to parents, either because we do not listen or because we do not want to listen to what is being said. Or sometimes children are too scared to tell us what is really bothering them, for the fear of consequences they may face. It is important to get the help of an impartial and safe third party who can help you here. Please do this at the earliest. Please realize that both your children are two separate individuals and just because one does not have a problem does not mean that the other should not have a problem. Obviously something is bothering him.
It could be fear of failure after having missed so many classes, loss of friends in the mean time or some inappropriate behavior by either the children or the adults in the school. If he says his teacher is beating him you need to investigate that further and not just brush it off. That is a very legitimate reason for him not to want to go, and you would need to support him to deal with it.
All the best
Dear Madam
My daughter is average in studies but otherwise intelligent. She joined BE (CS) last year. In the 2nd semester she couldn't clear 5 subjects, hence was laid back. With permission she attended classes for the 3rd semester after applying for revaluation. Still she could not sail through. For a long time she has been interested in interior designing courses.
Meanwhile we made her attend a memory enhancement course, which she enjoyed. She even took a further advanced course in the same. Now she is not interested in continuing with her degree. Instead she wants to join a course in Interior Designing. Now that the admission process is almost over and classes have lapsed for more than 2 months, we are in a dilemma that she will lose one academic year.
A mother
Dear Mother,
I think your daughter is the one who should be driving this decision. Ultimately it is her career and her life and she needs to take charge of it. She needs to understand the pros and cons of both her paths - continuing with her degree and moving to interior designing. Clearly if a person is ‘allowed’ to make a career out of something they are passionate about, life is more enjoyable and less of a drag. If one has to spend a whole day working in a field one does not enjoy, the pleasure of working gets taken away and it merely becomes a means to making ends meet.
Also you need to be able to put the loss of one academic year in the perspective of one’s whole life. One year now (which need not be lost but can be used to enhance other soft and life skills) vs a life time of doing something one does not enjoy. As in any investment, often it is better to cut your losses and move on, rather than being stuck with a dead investment. The same holds true for life.
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