Never stop trying - Ask our counsellor Q&A column

[The following column answered by me was published in the Deccan Herald education pages on March 22, 2016]

Dear Madam,
I am currently in the sixth semester of computer science engineering. For the past two years, I have been in the same year with about 15 backlog subjects. My parents are forcing me to clear all the subjects at one go. I tried very hard but couldn’t do it last year. I have lost all my confidence and feel that I can’t do it anymore. Could you please help me out here?
A student
Dear student,
I can understand your frustration. I think you need to be realistic in your estimation of what is achievable. If you have not been able to clear 15 subjects in their normal course, it is unrealistic of your parents to expect that you clear them all together, along with your normal course load. You will have to split them up and do them in smaller clusters. Your parents expect you to clear the papers, and I am sure that is what you would expect of yourself too. So, make a plan that is realistically achievable by you and tackle it. Slow and steady wins the race. It may mean that you may complete the course with some delay. But completing is the important thing, not the time you took for it. 
Put the resultant delay into the perspective of your whole life. You will realize that it is not a big deal. So, break up the task ahead into smaller, bite-sized and manageable chunks and then conquer them, one paper at a time. Every paper that you complete successfully will give you the confidence to tackle the next one. If you try to do them all at once, the task will be too overwhelming. Hope this helps. All the best.

Dear Madam,
I am studying in class 10 (CBSE) in a residential school. I have been suffering from loss of hearing since my childhood. Although I study well, my friends don’t co-operate with me in the classroom. Sometimes, when I can’t hear the teacher in the class, my friends don’t help me out. Although I wear hearing aids, it’s hard at times. Could you suggest ways in which I can manage my classmates?
A student
Dear student, 
I am glad you reached out for help. It is great that you are able to study well in spite of your challenges and I must applaud you for your effort. I am sure it is not easy, and you are facing the situation well. Sometimes, classmates can be competitive and mean, not only because of your disability, but even to children without any disability, because they don’t know any better. You need to believe in yourself and realize that you have far more resilience and capability than them because of your circumstances. Sometimes, children don’t feel good about themselves and the way they feel better about themselves is by putting other students down. That is a choice they make. You don’t need to fall into their trap. You must believe in yourself and realize that you have much more strength and courage than them. 
If they don’t answer your questions, ask the teacher again. Very often, the teacher may not say anything different from what is in your textbook, so if you read the book later, you would not have missed anything important. You could also request the teacher to give you a seat right in the front of the class, where you will not be distracted by other noises and children and will be able to hear the teacher better. Don’t take what others are doing to heart because it is not a reflection of you, but is a reflection of them. All the best.

Dear Madam,
I am a 23-year-old student pursuing M.Tech in mechanical engineering. Till BE, my studies, grades and understanding capabilities were good. Due to some personal and health issues, I dropped a year in my M.Tech course, but rejoined it soon after. But it feels like my understanding capabilities and concentration have gone down drastically. So much so, that I find it difficult to remember small things too. I am scared that all these factors will affect my career. Kindly help me out.
Chethan Simha H N
Dear Chethan,
Sometimes, our ability to concentrate gets affected if we are very anxious or worried. Do you think that your fear and anxiety about what will happen in the future may be affecting your ability to concentrate right now? Try and understand what your fear is about. Anxiety happens when you assume a negative outcome of whatever you are attempting. The reality is that you can’t be sure the outcome will be negative but you assume the certainty of it being negative. You overlook the past, and the past successes and assume that everything going forward will be negative. That is when anxiety develops and automatic negative thoughts take over your mind, allowing little space for concentration and positive thoughts.  Seeking the help of a counsellor in such situations can be extremely helpful in dealing with your anxiety. If you are not in a place where you can access a counsellor face-to-face, try accessing counselling helplines like the free Parivarthan Counselling helpline at 080-65333323, where you can directly reach a counsellor for help. All the best.