[The following column answered by me was published in the Deccan Herald Education supplement on August 25, 2016]
Dear Madam,
I am a guy studying in college. I love cooking and often talk about it with my other friends. But I am made fun for this. My friends berate me for being in the kitchen instead of being in the playground playing football. Though I love football too, I find cooking to be therapeutic. What should I do to make them stop making fun of me?
A cooking enthusiast
Dear cooking enthusiast,
It is heart-warming to hear about your passion for cooking. Believe me, there is nothing to berate about it. This skill and interest will hold you in good stead for the rest of your life. Believe in yourself and your right to choose what you prefer to do and how you prefer to spend your time.
You don’t need to stop doing something because it is not the ‘cool’ thing to do, or to gain acceptance in a group. If your friends are true friends, they will stay with you because of who you are, not because of what you do. So, continue cooking. I agree, it can be very creative and therapeutic.
Dear Madam,
I am a college-going girl who loves dancing and theatre. I have joined classes to
pursue the same. But my parents discourage me from such activities as they believe they will affect my academics. But I think I can do both without letting my scores get affected. My scores have been average and I am happy with it. I can’t give up on my dance or theatre classes as they make me happy and give a good break from academics. How do I convince my parents to allow me to continue my extracurricular activities?
A distressed student
Dear distressed student,
It is very important to have passions other than academics and if you have them, I think you are blessed. Academics is important but you must not make your whole life about academics. The only thing academics will do is to open some doors for you. What you make of the doors that open is based on other life skills. And your dance and theatre probably do a lot towards making you learn other life skills.
So, you need to have these conversations with your parents so that they also start seeing life as being about more than academics. Maybe you can all sit down and talk about it, and if you feel that will not work, then maybe you should have a family counselling session so that everyone can understand the other’s perspective and be comfortable with the others’ choices. Good luck!
Dear Madam,
My son is studying in Class 7 and is a slow learner. He lacks attention and grasping power. Though he is engaged in writing all through, he doesn’t pay interest in studies and he doesn’t do anything on his own. Please guide me as to how to go about on this.
Anbar
Dear Anbar,
Before you arrive at conclusions about your son, please get him assessed for his learning abilities and see if he will benefit from some special educational support. It is important to ensure that his behaviour is not something he is choosing. Your appropriate response will depend on that. So, please get him assessed for learning or attention difficulties.
Dear Madam,
I am doing my postgraduate studies in English. Though I expected a good result, I got less marks in my first semester and am now worried about my second semester results. As a result, I am under a lot of stress and eat very less. Time management is also a problem with me. Above all this, I feel that there is a lot of pressure from lecturers.
Kindly help me out.
A Student
Dear student,
I think it will be very helpful for you to connect with a counsellor who may be able to help you understand yourself better, and understand your thought processes and beliefs that are getting you stressed and overwhelmed. There will always be stress and pressure around us. That is not something we can control. However, we can control our responses to the stressors and how we interpret and respond to situations.
Talking with a counsellor can help you do this. If you do not have access to a face-to-face counsellor you may want to start with reaching out to counsellors at the free Parivarthan Counselling Helpline at 080 65333323. Good luck!
Dear Madam,
I am a student of Science and want to study Medical. But I have lost interest due to all the chaos that was caused this time. Law is also my passion. I was sadly unaware of CLAT until quite recently and missed out the chance to write it this year.
My family is very conservative about my education and are forcing me to do Medicine if I get a seat. They are also not accepting the fact that I wish to take a year off to prepare for CLAT 2017. How can I convince them?
I want to join NLSIU and do LLM from Harvard Law School, USA. My dreams excite me to work hard. But without emotional support from my family, will I ever be successful in life? Please help me.
A student
Dear student,
If you are really interested in pursuing law, then follow your dreams. Ultimately, it is the passion that you bring to your career that will make a difference between you being good enough vs you being great. And this passion can only come from you, not from your family. Beyond a point, you need to do what you believe in and want. Your career is something you need to live with for the next 30-40 years of your life, so it should be something you enjoy, no matter what anyone says.
Ultimately, if you are happy doing what you are doing, your family will eventually come around. The key to bringing your parents on board with your decision lies in being able to have conversations about your reasons for pursuing law, understanding their reservations and presenting your point of view. If you feel you will not be able to have this conversation on your own, try involving someone else in your family who can help you, or even try going for some family counselling so that everyone can get on the same page and support each other. All the best.
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