Don't let negativity bring you down - Ask your counsellor Q&A column

[The following column written by me was published in Deccan Herald on November 3, 2016]

Dear Madam,
My Class 12 results did not come as expected and I had to take a year off. I feel I have failed in some ways as my plans didn’t work. Though my parents are supportive, I am unable to shrug off the feeling that I have disappointed them. What can I do to overcome this and ensure that my future plans work out smoothly? 
A worried student

Dear Worried student,

Failure is always an event, never a person. So, while you may have failed at an exam, that does not mean you are a failure as a person. There is more to you than your exam results, so don’t let one set of marks define your worth.

Your parents may have been disappointed with your marks, but that is not the same thing as they being disappointed with you. Very often we make the mistake of equating the two. I think it will be great if you can meet a counsellor who can help you alter your thought patterns so that they are not as negative and obstructive as they are now for you.

Dear Madam,
I am a seventh semester Mechanical engineering student. I daydream a lot and always feel stressed. As a result, I am unable to focus on studies. Doing a morning jog and taking frequent vacations haven’t helped. I have stopped using my mobile too. But nothing is working. 

Sometimes, I get addicted to bad habits because of stress, which eats up much of my time. You are my last hope. Please suggest how to manage stress and focus on studies. 
A stressed student

Dear Stressed student,

I am a bit concerned about your mention of being addicted to bad habits and I am not sure what you are talking about. Having said that, addiction of any sort is harmful because it makes us feel like we don’t have a choice, or any sense of control. Whereas in reality, we do. Often the addiction is an escape mechanism — an escape from facing the reality; a short-term relief. My question to you is — what are you escaping from? What is your fear that you are trying to run away from?

A lot of our stress is the result of our thought patterns and it is always helpful to try and understand our unhelpful and irrational beliefs that are making us think the way we are and causing us distress. If we are able to alter our beliefs, we can change our thoughts which in turn makes us feel better and behave differently.

I think it will be really helpful for you to work with a counsellor, and if you don’t have access to a counsellor in your college, call the Parivarthan Counselling Helpline at 080 65333323 for free counselling support.

Dear Madam,
I am a PG student with a good academic record. I usually don’t gel with others. This makes others think that I am an egoist and that I have an attitude problem. I don’t like unnecessary talks. Very often, I get angry for no reason. I am trying hard to correct myself but in vain. I always feel that no one likes me. I just want to get out of all this. Kindly guide.
A depressed student

Dear Depressed student,

It sounds like you may have some anger within you which you have not expressed or acknowledged. And that anger sometimes surfaces for no reason because it has no legitimate outlet. At times, it may even be interfering with your ability to connect meaningfully with others and hold long-term relationships. You may also be having some irrational beliefs around what is necessary and what is unnecessary, how people should behave, and how relationships are meant to be.

I think you could benefit tremendously from counselling which will help you understand and manage your unexpressed anger, recognise your irrational beliefs which are driving the way you relate to people, and change your unhelpful behaviours that are interfering with your ability to relate to people. Feeling angry is okay.

But unless we know how to express it, it can either eat us up from the inside, or destroy everything that comes in its path, often unknowingly. It is said that hanging on to anger is like hanging on to a piece of hot coal.

Unless you get rid of it, it will burn the hand that is holding it. And if you don’t get rid of it properly it will burn other things in its path. If you dispose it off appropriately it will not cause any

lasting damage.

Dear Madam,
I am a third year LLB student. When I start studying a topic, I feel that I know it already. Hence, I am not able to concentrate and always neglect studies. Kindly suggest ways for me to concentrate on studies.
Akshay Raj

Dear Akshay,

It will be helpful for you to understand yourself and your past patterns. How have you been doing academically in the past? You don’t mention anything about that. When you feel you know a topic, have you actually known it and how have you performed in your exams with that knowledge.

If you have been doing well, then your confidence may be holding you in good stead, allowing you the flexibility of focussing on other aspects of your life. However, if you have not been doing well then think about how things may have been different if you had focussed. How would you like them to be different, if at all? And why? It is important to find your own motivation. This is not something someone else can give you, and even if someone else does, it will be short-lived.

So, think about why you are studying? How is it going to help you? Who are you doing it for? What do you envision for yourself two years down the line? Five years down the line? Ten years down the line? Treat these as your milestones and work out a plan to reach each milestone.

When we don’t have a goal we are walking towards, it is often hard to find the ways and the means of getting there. Quite like travelling with a destination in mind (which allows you to gauge how you are doing on your journey) and just travelling aimlessly (when you have nothing to judge your travels by). Good luck!

Dear Madam, 
I have just joined a new job. Although I like the job, I am finding it a bit overwhelming as I am not getting the necessary support I thought I would. As a result, I am finding it a bit difficult to integrate with the team successfully, despite many attempts to do so. 

Could you kindly suggest some ways that can help me position myself better, so that I can contribute more effectively and be a part of the team? 
A stressed employee

Dear Stressed employee,

I understand that you are feeling overwhelmed in your new assignment and would like some support from the existing team. Sometimes it is okay to ask for the help you need. Have you asked and not got a response, or have you been uncomfortable to ask? Often we hesitate to ask because we feel we should know the answer and that if we ask, it will make us look bad.

It may help you to read an article I wrote earlier in this newspaper titled “How balanced are your seesaws?” (www.bit.ly/2eAhYY5) which may help you understand some of your internal reasons for feeling uncomfortable.

The more comfortable you feel with yourself, the more comfortable you will feel with your team. It may be helpful to work with a counsellor to help you overcome some of your roadblocks. All the best!

Concentrate on your strengths - Ask your counsellor Q&A column

[The following column answered by me was published in the Deccan Herald of October 6, 2016]

Dear Madam,
I am a Class 10 student with a good academic record. But I am unpopular among friends and relatives because of my outspoken nature. I also have the problem of pointing out others’ mistakes. In spite of conscious efforts, I am not able to control myself. It also makes others feel that I am trying to show off. Kindly guide me.
Aditi

Dear Aditi,
It is good that you are aware of your behavior that may be interfering in your relationships with people. It is possible, however, that you may be just reflecting what others have told you about yourself. Is this your opinion, or is this what others have told you that they want you to change? If it is based on an opinion others are expressing about you, you need to think about whether you agree with that point of view. 

Bear in mind that Indian culture does not like people to express their opinions very openly, least of all young girls. Girls are expected not to have too much of an opinion on anything, and they are definitely not expected to express it openly. So think about it. What aspects about yourself do you want to change, and what are those aspects that you are saying you want to change to please others. Unless you are being rude or offensive, and hurting people deliberately, I think it is important to be able to form an opinion and express it, if needed.
I would like to differentiate here between having an opinion, and being overly judgmental about people. Not everyone will have the same opinions as you, and not everyone will do things the way you would do them, or like them to be done. Everyone is different. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, just like you do, and it is important to always remember that people will be different from you, but that difference is not necessarily bad. It is just different. 

So long as you accept others points of view, having your own and expressing it is not a problem. It is when you believe that your way is the only way, your opinion is the only valid opinion, and that you are the only one who knows best, then it becomes a problem. There is space for many versions of people, and many points of view to coexist peacefully in this world. All the best.

Dear Madam,
I am a girl studying in II PUC. I am overweight. Right from my childhood, I have had issues with my weight. Earlier, only my relatives used to taunt me for being fat, but now even my college mates make fun of my obesity. Although, I try to brush them off most of the times, I get hurt when the comments get nasty and really personal. What do I do? I am not ashamed of my weight, but it would help if everyone else stopped putting so much pressure on it.
A stressed girl

Dear stressed girl,
You cannot control what others say and do. Today you may force one group of people to stop teasing you about your weight, but tomorrow another group may start. The only thing you can control is what you think, feel and believe about it yourself. Weight is just one of our physical attributes like so many others. It is the meaning we ascribe to it that makes it positive or negative. If you believe you would like to cut it down, there are many choices before you to help you down that path whenever you want. 

However, if you believe that you are comfortable with who you are and reducing your weight is not something you want to spend your blood, sweat and tears on that is your personal choice and you are absolutely right about choosing it. Others will reflect what you feel about it. If you are comfortable with your weight and don’t really care about what others are saying, then turn around and tell them that your weight is your business, not theirs and that they should focus on their business. Or you can turn around them and be honest to them and tell them what their comments make you feel and you would appreciate if they did not make those comments. 

So, yes, you can’t control who says what, but you can control your response to whatever anyone says. So go ahead and respond appropriately. Let people know how their comments make you feel because you are important, and your feelings are 
important. 

Dear Madam,
I am a college-going guy who has always maintained above average scores. I have this constant need to be right and perfect all the time. And when things don’t go my way, I get anxious and worry till everything gets back to normal. This incessant worrying affects my studies badly sometimes. Is this an anxiety attack? What do I do in order to prevent such instances again?
An anxious student

Dear anxious student,
Anxiety can manifest in many ways, and in extreme cases may lead to a panic attack where you actually feel physical discomfort. While perfectionism is often interpreted to be a positive trait, it can in fact have very negative consequences and is often at the root of a lot of anxiety that people have. I think you would benefit tremendously from being able to discuss your concerns with a counsellor who can help you uncover your irrational beliefs about the world, and the various ways in which anxiety may be hampering your progress. Anxiety results mostly due to the fear of future and the unknown. 

Negative thoughts can create havoc with our emotional stability and our ability to focus and be productive. If you are able to meet a counsellor face to face, that’s great. If not, reach out to counsellors at the free Parivarthan Counselling Helpline at 080-65333323 and they will be able to assist you. 

Anxiety can create havoc, but is also something that can be managed by altering our world-view and thought process. So get the help to do that now. Good luck!

Dear Madam, 
I am a PUC student. My good friend and I stopped talking to each other over a year ago due to some differences. Ever since, I find it difficult to share anything openly even though I do try to do so. As a result, I am finding it difficult to make new friends and even keep in touch with my current friends. I constantly find myself thinking about how we could have made our friendship work. This is affecting me in living my life to the fullest now. Kindly guide me as to how I can get out of this ‘pit’ of self-hate and how I can regain control. 
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
It is not for no reason that it is said that one can be one’s own worst enemy because of one’s own negative thoughts and self-critical inner voice. I understand that you are still grieving at the loss of an old friendship and may be you have not been able to process that event completely for yourself and are therefore finding yourself stuck. 

It may be helpful for you to get the help of a counsellor who can help you work through your thought process and help you understand the irrationality and negativity of your thoughts. Counselling will help you move to a place of acceptance of yourself and the circumstances so that you can live in the present. Things happen in our lives which we cannot control. Sometimes we could have done something to prevent them, while at other times we could not have. Nevertheless, we need to accept situations and move on. 

Nothing is to be gained by self-blame. Understand the lessons about life, people and relationships that incident has taught you. Be thankful, you got an opportunity to learn those lessons early on. Be mindful of your present, and be conscious to not make the same mistakes again. That will help you move on and enjoy the things and relationships life still has to unfold for you. All the best.

Nothing worth having comes easy - Ask your counsellor Q&A column

[The following column answered by me was published in the Deccan Herald of September 15, 2016]

Dear Madam,

I am a BTech student, who finds no point in leading life as an engineer, where I can’t be of any help to others. So, I wish to get into medical field and be a doctor who can save lives. I don’t know how to express this to my family, who expect a lot from me. Please help me.

A student

Dear student,

There are several things that stand out for me in your letter. Your desire to be of service to mankind is commendable, but it seems to me that you consider moving from engineering into medicine a step down. I am not sure why you think that way because this is not a choice between the right and the wrong, but rather one between two right options. Often we are faced with having to make a choice between two equally good options and this appears to be one such situation. It may be worthwhile for you to understand why you are considering medicine as an inferior choice.

Because you are considering it as an inferior choice, you seem to be fearful about discussing it with your parents. You are assuming they will feel let down by it and that you will not be able to fulfil their expectations if you become a doctor. Please try and understand what you think these expectations are? Most of the time we assume people have expectations, and also assume what the expectations must be. It is worth your while to see if that is truly the case. You may be assuming all this about your parents which in reality may not be true and the only way to find that out is to have open meaningful communication with them.

My last point is that no matter what others’ expectations may be of you, you need to do what you believe in. You need to live for yourself, because you only have one life to live. And the chances are that if you live authentically and be true to yourself, you will be happy, and as a result those around you will also be happy. Ultimately, if your parents find you committed to a path that you believe in, which is giving you happiness and satisfaction, they will eventually realise that you chose the path that was best for you.

Dear Madam,
Though I didn’t study properly in PU and scored less marks, my parents joined me to a diploma course. Later, I started studying seriously and my parents were happy with it. But now, in spite of putting 100% effort, I have two backlogs in my fifth semester and I couldn’t clear it in the final semester also. Both teachers and parents have supported me. Even the slow learners in my class have got into engineering. I feel that with a precious year of my life is getting wasted, all is lost. I don’t know what to do. My main worry is that my parents are not happy with me. I want to see them happy at any cost. Please help me out.
A student

Dear student,

Please remember that life is not a race with time running out, so that if you stumble once all is lost and you lose the race. Life is like a marathon run where you may lose some time, or you stumble, but the goal is to complete the course, not to win it. If you win, it is a bonus. So if you have lost some time, it does not mean that all is lost. Put the one year into the perspective of your whole life of more than 80 years.

Life is about experiences and learnings, and this slight detour may have taught you some life lessons. If you have learnt those lessons then nothing is lost. So, may be you should take some time to take stock of what this experience has taught you and how you are going to utilise those learnings.

Your goal cannot be to make your parents happy, because that is not within your control. You have to focus on things within your control, like your own happiness. You are not responsible for your parents’ happiness. They are responsible for their happiness and you are responsible for yours. You may do the best you can and they may still choose to not be happy.

That is something they control and is not in your control. So don’t focus on it. Focus on your own happiness, which will come from living authentically and meaningfully, and giving your best effort to all your endeavours. That is all that counts. Your parents’ happiness will follow.

All the best.

Dear Madam,
I have just finished college and taken up my first job. Though I like my work, I am not able to move freely with the team. I also find it difficult to concentrate on my work and hence, the work suffers. In spite of repeated suggestions and advice from my colleagues, I am not able to improve. This makes me feel low. Kindly help me overcome this situation.

A confused person

Dear confused person,

I think it will be helpful for you to meet a counsellor who can help you understand what you are going through. If you do not have access to a face to face counsellor, you can call the free counselling helpline at 080 65333323. A counsellor will be able to help you identify your fears that are preventing you from mixing with your colleagues, and your anxieties that may be interfering with your ability to focus.

Could it be possible that you are worried and anxious in your new surrounding – what will people think of you, what if they think you are not good enough, what if you make a mistake in your work, what if they fire you from the job? Could it be possible that such thoughts and worries are bogging you down? I cannot say for sure because I have not spoken to you, but this is just a guess I am making.

Whether this is true or not, it will be helpful for you to meet a counsellor to identify the underlying reasons for your behaviour and learn of ways to overcome it.

All the best.

Dear Madam,
Our 10-year-old child has joined a good school recently and is taking time to adjust to the new environment. Some days, he comes home with a sad face. When asked, he complains about his classmates not being friendly. He also asks us to change the school. But after a few days, he withdraws his suggestion and says that he is happy with the school. We are worried about his experience in the school and do not know how to go about. Please guide us in this regard.

Worried parents

Dear worried parents,

If the school has a counsellor, it will be good for you to connect to him or her and discuss your concerns. Also, encourage your child to visit the counsellor who will be able to help him process his experiences in a way that he does not feel traumatised.

Everyone takes time to adjust to a new environment. The important thing to remember is that neither you, nor your son, can control the environment. The only thing you can control is how you respond to whatever is happening in the environment. You cannot tell others in the school to behave properly because you have no power over them, and even if some listen, others may not. Or they may listen for a while and then revert to their old behaviour. Or some children may stop misbehaving and others may start.

The only thing you can control, that is constant in all these situations, is how you respond to the situation and how much you allow it to bother you. I think it will be very helpful for your son to see a counsellor, whether in the school or outside, who can help him understand his experiences and his response, and learn a more healthy way to respond.

His desire to change the school may vary depending on his experience that day. With the help of a counsellor he will be able to deal with the existing environment and not feel pressured by his peers.

All the best.

Believe in yourself - Ask your counsellor Q&A column

[The following column answered by me was published in the Deccan Herald Education supplement on August 25, 2016]

Dear Madam,
I am a guy studying in college. I love cooking and often talk about it with my other friends. But I am made fun for this. My friends berate me for being in the kitchen instead of being in the playground playing football. Though I love football too, I find cooking to be therapeutic. What should I do to make them stop making fun of me?
A cooking enthusiast

Dear cooking enthusiast,
It is heart-warming to hear about your passion for cooking. Believe me, there is nothing to berate about it. This skill and interest will hold you in good stead for the rest of your life. Believe in yourself and your right to choose what you prefer to do and how you prefer to spend your time. 

You don’t need to stop doing something because it is not the ‘cool’ thing to do, or to gain acceptance in a group. If your friends are true friends, they will stay with you because of who you are, not because of what you do. So, continue cooking. I agree, it can be very creative and therapeutic.

Dear Madam,
I am a college-going girl who loves dancing and theatre. I have joined classes to 
pursue the same. But my parents discourage me from such activities as they believe they will affect my academics. But I think I can do both without letting my scores get affected. My scores have been average and I am happy with it. I can’t give up on my dance or theatre classes as they make me happy and give a good break from academics. How do I convince my parents to allow me to continue my extracurricular activities?
A distressed student

Dear distressed student,
It is very important to have passions other than academics and if you have them, I think you are blessed. Academics is important but you must not make your whole life about academics. The only thing academics will do is to open some doors for you. What you make of the doors that open is based on other life skills. And your dance and theatre probably do a lot towards making you learn other life skills. 

So, you need to have these conversations with your parents so that they also start seeing life as being about more than academics. Maybe you can all sit down and talk about it, and if you feel that will not work, then maybe you should have a family counselling session so that everyone can understand the other’s perspective and be comfortable with the others’ choices. Good luck!

Dear Madam,
My son is studying in Class 7 and is a slow learner. He lacks attention and grasping power. Though he is engaged in writing all through, he doesn’t pay interest in studies and he doesn’t do anything on his own. Please guide me as to how to go about on this.
Anbar

Dear Anbar,
Before you arrive at conclusions about your son, please get him assessed for his learning abilities and see if he will benefit from some special educational support. It is important to ensure that his behaviour is not something he is choosing. Your appropriate response will depend on that. So, please get him assessed for learning or attention difficulties.

Dear Madam,
I am doing my postgraduate studies in English. Though I expected a good result, I got less marks in my first semester and am now worried about my second semester results. As a result, I am under a lot of stress and eat very less. Time management is also a problem with me. Above all this, I feel that there is a lot of pressure from lecturers. 
Kindly help me out.
A Student

Dear student,
I think it will be very helpful for you to connect with a counsellor who may be able to help you understand yourself better, and understand your thought processes and beliefs that are getting you stressed and overwhelmed. There will always be stress and pressure around us. That is not something we can control. However, we can control our responses to the stressors and how we interpret and respond to situations. 

Talking with a counsellor can help you do this. If you do not have access to a face-to-face counsellor you may want to start with reaching out to counsellors at the free Parivarthan Counselling Helpline at 080 65333323. Good luck! 

Dear Madam,
I am a student of Science and want to study Medical. But I have lost interest due to all the chaos that was caused this time. Law is also my passion. I was sadly unaware of CLAT until quite recently and missed out the chance to write it this year.

My family is very conservative about my education and are forcing me to do Medicine if I get a seat. They are also not accepting the fact that I wish to take a year off to prepare for CLAT 2017. How can I convince them? 

I want to join NLSIU and do LLM from Harvard Law School, USA. My dreams excite me to work hard. But without emotional support from my family, will I ever be successful in life? Please help me.
A student

Dear student,
If you are really interested in pursuing law, then follow your dreams. Ultimately, it is the passion that you bring to your career that will make a difference between you being good enough vs you being great. And this passion can only come from you, not from your family. Beyond a point, you need to do what you believe in and want. Your career is something you need to live with for the next 30-40 years of your life, so it should be something you enjoy, no matter what anyone says.

Ultimately, if you are happy doing what you are doing, your family will eventually come around. The key to bringing your parents on board with your decision lies in being able to have conversations about your reasons for pursuing law, understanding their reservations and presenting your point of view. If you feel you will not be able to have this conversation on your own, try involving someone else in your family who can help you, or even try going for some family counselling so that everyone can get on the same page and support each other. All the best.

Marks are not everything - Ask your counsellor Q&A column

[The following column written by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education supplement of August 4, 2016]

Dear Madam,
Over the past few years, I have faced a lot of difficulties to be a topper. However, despite this, I still feel alone and hated by everyone. I constantly feel angry with my friends for not understanding me and my situation.

As a result, they have stopped talking to me. While I do acknowledge this, I have trouble overcoming this feeling of hate. How do I improve? What are the ways that I can use to curb my anger?
A student

Dear Student,
It seems that till now you have focussed on being a topper, and having got there, you now are feeling you have missed out on other aspects of life like friendships and relationships. You are expecting people to be charitable towards you because you are a topper, but generally what matters most to people is how someone relates to them and how they make them feel, not what someone has achieved. It is always important to bear this in mind.

Success in marks is only one aspect of success and plays a very limited role in ultimate success in life. It is wise to spend some time thinking about what success in life would mean to you and start living by those principles. Better late than never. Anger is always a secondary emotion. You don’t just get angry – you get angry because some other primary emotional need is not being met.

Maybe you are feeling lonely, or isolated, or ignored. It is helpful to be able to address your underlying emotional need and then work with a counsellor to help you deal with it. You don’t need to curb your anger. You need to understand your anger so that you can express it meaningfully and bring about changes to deal with it. The feeling of anger is okay. It is the inappropriate expression of the anger that sometimes becomes a problem.

Dear Madam,
I am doing my Masters in English. My life has been on a roller coaster and quite depressing. Most of the time, I am not able to concentrate in the class and don’t mingle with friends. On top of everything, I get less marks in exams. I don’t eat properly and don’t even get good sleep. I am worried about my future and literally do not know will I ever settle in life. Please guide me.
A student

Dear Student,
Everyone’s life is a roller coaster with ups and downs. However, when you go through a down phase it seems like that is the end of everything. But remember in a roller coaster, there are steep down phases followed by steep up phases. The down always ends with an up, and the up always ends with a down. Nothing is permanent and this keeps changing. The same often happens in life.

Sometimes when we are anxious we get immobilised into inaction, are unable to concentrate and focus, unable to sleep and eat because we predict a future negative outcome that is scary. Try and understand what is this negative outcome that you are predicting will happen in the future and why are you finding that scary.

It will be very helpful for you to get the help of a counsellor to deal with your anxieties and believe in your own capabilities to handle whatever situation life throws your way. If you cannot meet a counsellor face to face, please reach out to the free Parivarthan counselling helpline at 080 65333323 where you can reach a counsellor who will be able to help you.

Dear Madam,
Sometimes, I feel no one in my life takes me seriously. Be it my friends in college or my parents or anyone else, it feels like my opinion doesn’t matter at all. Sometimes, I think everyone looks down upon me, as someone who is ignorant about everything in life. This puts me down and makes me lose confidence. So, I think ten times before saying something again. What do I do?
An ignored girl

Dear Ignored Girl,
How would you know that people are taking you seriously? How would you know that your opinion is valued? It is generally helpful to bear in mind that people around us reflect back to us what we think and believe about ourselves. What others think about you is not that important. It is what you think about yourself that holds the key. Believe in yourself. Know and acknowledge your strengths.

That is what makes you feel stronger about yourself. And when you feel stronger, you behave in a more confident and self-assured way. When you behave that way people automatically start taking you seriously and take your opinions into account. When you feel weak about yourself, you tend to behave in a diffident way, lacking confidence.

This generally gets picked up by the people around you and they don’t take you seriously. So, it is not about what they think of you. It is more about what you think about yourself. And to help you change your beliefs about yourself it may be helpful to get the support of a counsellor, unless you have some trusted adults who can help you.

Dear Madam,
Often, I am told that I shouldn’t learn the subjects through rote learning. But I believe that’s the only way I can score good grades in my exams. My professors often advise me to interpret concepts in my own way and then put that on the paper. But, I can only learn if I memorise all the answers which are provided by them. After all, aren’t good marks necessary in life? Kindly help me out here. What’s the way to go?
A confused student

Dear Student,
Good marks may open a few doors for you, get you admission into some college, get you a job interview, etc. However, those are very short-term goals. Ultimately what you make of those opportunities will not depend on the marks you get. Learning how to learn, and applying your learning are concepts that will stay with you for life.

Success in life has very little to do with marks. You may get 100% marks and still not be successful because of life skills that you have not focussed on. Some of the skills that will help you go a long way towards your success are having the ability to keep learning as you go along, being creative, being able to solve problems, being able to work in a team, being able to lead a team, being able to communicate well, and being hard-working and diligent, among other things.

None of these have anything to do with the marks you get in your next exam. So focus on the long-term – it will pay off in the long-term. All the best.