[The following column, written by me, appeared in the Deccan Herald on November 3, 2011]
Dear Madam,
I’ve been meaning to write and seek help since I started my first year PUC. The first year started off in great zeal but soon after, it became difficult to cope with the State syllabus. Except for Math, I lost interest in every other subject. The teachers are inspiring enough. I can’t turn to my parents for help. They are worried about me.
I then joined a crash course before I began Second PUC, which helped me immensely. I also made a few good friends at the crash course camp. I returned with enthusiasm and a brand new perspective. But in two weeks from that time, I was injured in an accident with another friend and the guilt has still not left me.
I have not been able to focus on studies since then. I’m running out of time and I need help.
Worried Student
Dear Worried Student,
The contents of your letter span over a long period of time, and a large range of emotions and experiences that you are struggling with. Not only do you feel guilty for causing the accident, but you are also remorseful, and feeling frustrated at not being able to do anything about it. You are anxious about your future, and are ambitious and aspire to do well, but find yourself unable to take charge of the situation. You also seem to have some issues with your friends which may still be unresolved. And you feel that it is not okay for you to share your feelings and struggles with your parents
I think this is a lot for any child to deal with at one time, and it is not surprising that you are finding it difficult to focus on your studies. When there is so much internal conversation and so many thoughts going on in your mind, it will be hard for anyone to focus. It is, therefore, extremely important that you address and deal with these emotions so that you are free to focus on your studies. I would suggest you see a counsellor at the earliest. It is not possible for me to address all the issues you are dealing with in this column and therefore strongly recommend that you get help urgently. I strongly urge you to involve your parents in your struggles, as well. The more you keep them out of the loop, the more worried they will get. And if they don’t understand your struggles you will feel pressured by them.
If you do not know where to get the help, and how to get it, your parents may be able to assist you in identifying a resource for you.
Dear Madam,
I have completed an MSc in Biochemistry with 59.05 per cent from Bangalore University, and I want to study further. But I lack the confidence because I have only scored 60.64 per cent in Class 10, 45 per cent in Second PUC and 65 per cent at the undergraduate level. Do I have it in me to clear exams such as CSIR and ICMR? Am I cut out for a career in research?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
It is not for me to tell you what kind of student you are and whether you will be able to continue in the research field, considering the only data I have are marks that you have shared with me. You will be able to do whatever you set your mind to, and whatever you are motivated about.
Remember, success in life is not a function of only your marks, but also of your confidence, your belief in yourself, your self- esteem, your analytical abilities, your communication skills, your leadership capabilities, your ability to be a team player, your ability to think out-of-the-box, etc. Marks may only open some doors for you. So don’t let your past marks discourage you. Look at the future, and use the past merely as a stepping stone to the future, not a defining factor.
Dear Madam,
I have completed Second PUC (Commerce). I’m interested in pursuing a diploma in Automobile Engineering, but my parents have opposed the idea, as they believe that the course does not have much scope these days. They insist that I pursue a BBM degree instead. I’m confused. I am currently studying a short-term animation course. Please help.
Joe Roberts
Dear Joe,
Have you researched the opportunities that will become available to you after you do your diploma in Automobile Engineering. Do you think those opportunities will interest you and give you the kind of career and lifestyle that you are aspiring for? If your answer to these questions is yes, then go ahead and convince your parents.
Try and understand your parents’ perspective on why they are keen on BBM. What are the opportunities they anticipate will come your way, and what career aspirations do they have for you. I think it is important to have this discussion to understand each other’s wishes, desires, and aspirations. I am sure if you are convinced about your choice, you will be able to convince your parents. Problems will arise if you are trying to convince them about something that you are not sure about. Do your homework first.
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