Dear Madam
I am in class 10 from June onwards. I am really pleased by your advice. I read a recent article in the paper about maintaining positive attitude. I tried several times. I was successful sometimes in controlling my mind, but not always. Please suggest me to get rid of this problem.
A student
Dear student
Yes, it is great to maintain a positive attitude, and what is wonderful is that you are trying to do that. However, do remember, that we are all human, and it is not possible, or realistic, for us to expect that we be positive 100% of the time. So if there are times when you slip up, you don’t need to beat yourself up over it. Just recognize that you are moving away from yours positive attitude and remind yourself to get back onto the positive path.
But how do we get onto the positive path? Primarily by learning how to re-interpret situations, events and people in our mind, from being disastrous and things you can’t stand, to just being minor hurdles and irritants along your journey of life. For example, if you don’t do so well in an exam, you can interpret to mean you are a failure, and your whole life is doomed, and everything is lost.
This is naturally a negative path that will cause distress. Or you can interpret the situation to mean that maybe you need to put in more effort in that subject, or get some additional help, or try and understand what went wrong so that you don’t repeat the same mistakes again. This is naturally a more positive approach because it focusses on learnings and actions which may be irritants but are not defining in a negative way.
Hope this helps. All the best.
Dear Madam
I am a 15 years old. I love art, graphics and other creative arts and I feel I can excel at it. But my parents are not too keen on it and force me to study. As a result I secure low grades. What should I do? Study or focus on arts?
Aspiring artist
Dear aspiring artist
Even if you love art and graphics, and want to focus on that, studying other subjects as well can’t hurt you because education never goes waste. If anything it will give you a wider perspective on life. So don’t use your interest in art as an escape from studying, and a justification not to study, but rather as one way that you have the privilege of being able to use to enrich your life. You are lucky in that art is something you can always pursue along with your other subjects.
The other subjects are not only for you to clear exams, and get jobs, but also to give you a wider and more holistic view of the world, to understand and be able to deal with the world we live in in a better way.
Do you think you are a smarter person today because of your having the privilege of being able to study other subjects all these years, or do you believe that you would have the same choices in life that you have now, had you not studied all these years. Studying gives you choices and opens up doors. Why would you want to give up that option and close doors that have the potential for opening? You are too young to close the doors ahead of you.
And while you are thinking about this, try and understand your parents’ perspective on why they want you to study, and try and explain your passion, point of view, and plan because being able to communicate and negotiate is a key life skill.
Dear Madam
I have finished attempting a competitive exam. This is the second time I am attempting it and I have failed once again. I don’t have the courage to face my family. I am really scared as I have disappointed them. Please help.
A student
Dear student
Let’s be honest. Is this about facing your family, or is this about facing yourself! Firstly remember, failure is only an event. It is never a person. And an event also finishes and life moves on. So yes, you may have failed at an exam. And you may have failed twice. But YOU are not a failure. YOU merely failed at an exam, and you can take stock and learn from that experience. What were the mistakes you made, what do you think you could have done differently, and other such questions. And once you learn from this experience you can take the exam again and ensure that you don’t make the same mistakes again. However, that is assuming this exam is something that you want to clear.
You could also ‘learn’ that this exam is not for you, and you would rather explore another avenue, and go down the path of defining, exploring and pursing the alternate path that you would rather go down.
Your goal in life should not be to satisfy other’s expectations and keep them happy, but to live to your own potential, satisfy yourself and keep yourself happy. Everyone has to take responsibility for their own happiness. Please take the help of a counsellor on this journey to discover meaning for yourself, if necessary. You can either see a counsellor face-to-face, or reach out for help to the Youth Parivarthan Counselling Helpline at
080-65333323.Dear Madam,
I completed my MCA last year. I have no interest to work in that field. It was just the family pressure that made me join this course. I see no future for me. I have lost confidence in myself. Please help me come out of this confusion.
A student
Dear student,
It is okay for you to realize, after studying something, that you don’t find it interesting and you would not like to spend your life working in that area. You must enjoy the field you are working in, for it to be meaningful, enjoyable and not stressful. So if you don’t enjoy it, don’t do it. It’s as simple as that.
However, and here is the caveat. What is it that you enjoy and would rather be doing? Be clear about what you want, not what you don’t want. And that is the harder thing to define. It is not so much about family pressure, as it is about you knowing for yourself. If you are clear about what you like and want, then by all means disregard family pressure and follow your passion. We often end up blaming family pressure for our choices, but the truth is that very often we use that as an easy escape path, because finding our own path and then taking responsibility for our success and failure in it, is quite a weighty burden. It is much harder to say that I made a choice and I didn’t like it, than it is to say that the family made the choice for me and I didn’t like it.
So, this is a time to be honest to yourself. Discover your strengths and weaknesses, and discover what you would rather do. And once you have these answers, but all means go for it, because it is after all your life – you need to define it. Just a word of caution, on this path you may need some help from a counsellor so don’t hesitate to reach out for help.
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