Take time off to prepare - Ask Our Counsellor Q&A Column

[The following questions answered by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education supplement of January 10, 2013. However, interestingly, due to editorial goof-ups they went under another person's name!! It's never happened to me before. Hope it doesn't happen again. However, since the content is mine I am going ahead and reproducing it here.]

Take time off to prepare

Jan 10, 2013

Dear Madam
I am a 21-year old graduate from Mysore, and I completed my Bachelors in Business Administration (BBA) in June 2012. Instead of applying for MBA immediately, I chose to take a year off and concentrate on studying for various management exams (CAT, XAT, MAT, etc.). I was actually aiming for an admission into one of the IIMs, so I prepared for CAT-2012, and took it in the month of October 2012. Right now, it is December, and I am preparing for XAT, which is to be held on January 6, 2013.

The thing that is troubling me is that I do not have any work experience to my credit. All I had planned to do was prepare for management exams. And even though I put all my efforts towards preparing for CAT from July-Oct 2012, the actual test was not as good as I had hoped. I managed to do just about okay. And not only this, I have also been told by my parents that they will not be able to afford admissions into the IIMs, as my family is somewhat tight regarding finances.

Hearing this, I became totally depressed, thinking that all my efforts were in vain. And my parents are adamant that I continue my education in Mysore, so that they can be with me and save on money as well. I am totally against it. I do not want to compromise on the matter of my Masters degree in any way, since my BBA days were not all that enriching and college was not exactly a “learning” experience”. I have no expectations from Mysore at all- My mother is behind me to find a job so that I can assist my family. Even I want to- but in a place like Mysore, I really don’t know how to go about it, and I don’t even have any expectations of finding a decent job here.

Please advise. I have a very bad feeling, as if I’ve hit a dead end.

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous

It is okay to take some time off to prepare for exams. It is not mandatory that you have work experience right at the start. If you have put in your best effort, and you get admission for MBA, as per your wishes, then you don’t need to worry on account of the lack of work experience.

However, if you don’t get admission, again all is not lost. You can always gain some work experience, and then try again after a couple of years. In any case you can benefit a lot more from a management degree when you have the practical experience of the workplace. So if you don’t get admission, you can choose to view it as a failure and feel dejected and depressed. Or you can choose to view it as an opportunity to gain some work experience, and try later.

Secondly, if your family is not able to support you financially for further studies, you can always look at the possibility of taking a bank loan to do this. I believe there are education loans available these days, though I have to admit I do not have too many details on this. You don’t need to see this as a dead end.

You need to be able to decide for yourself what you would like out of your life. Understandably, your family would like to have you close to them. You need to be able to formulate your plans, and communicate them to your family. Remember, your needs and aspirations will be different from those of your family, and it is okay for you to chase your own dreams.

Understandably opportunities in Mysore will be limited compared to what they would be if you are willing to move out. In the process if you are able to carry your family along with your decision, you will be some much richer for it. This will require you to be able to communicate your goals and motivations to them, and address their insecurities to the best you can.

Dear Madam

I’m in X class. With hardly 3 months left for my Board exams, I’m still not addicted to books. When I open my books, I read for some time (10 to 15 minutes). After that my mind starts diverting to some other topic. I don’t know how to keep all these out and concentrate on my studies. I’m worried that if I don’t do well in the Boards, I won’t get into a good colleges. Please help me out to prepare well for exams.

Avinash

Dear Avinash

Why do you need to study? You need to answer that question for yourself and find your true motivation. If your motivation is to get good marks, to make your parents happy, to get admission into a good college, or to impress everyone, then you need to think again. Those may be short-term motivations but cannot be an end in themselves. What is your end goal and what are you working towards? If the end goal is exciting enough, you will feel motivated to work towards it. Remember, you need to do it for yourself, not for anyone else. You will be the biggest beneficiary of the effort you put in now.

Face up to the Boards - Ask Our Counsellor Q&A Column

[The following column, written by me, appeared in the Deccan Herald on Mar 15, 2012]

Dear Madam,
I am a Class 10 student. I’m so addicted to the Internet that I’m not able to concentrate on my studies. I aim to become an IAS officer. But my lack of concentration is giving me a hard time. Please help me. What should I do to focus on studies? I just tend to procrastinate my work. I’m worried about my performance at the Boards.
SPH

Dear SPH,
By the time this letter gets published, you are probably right in the thick of your Board exams. Fortunately the problem that you raise ‘lack of concentration’ is one that is completely within your control. It is not an external problem or situation that you cannot control, even though you make it sound like it is something that is just happening without your participation in the process. If you are bored then please do some introspection and figure out for yourself why you are bored. Are you just focussing on learning everything by rote, in which case even the most interesting subject can become boring?

Are you feeing too stressed and pressured by the outcome (i.e. the results) that you are not really focussing on learning anything? Have you been trying to spend every waking minute studying, without any time for rest, relaxation and recreation, in which case you are probably tired and burnt out by now and unable to focus anymore? Remember to be able to concentrate while you are studying, you must get adequate sleep, eat healthy, exercise, and relax. Make sure your worries are not what are clouding your mind and not allowing you to focus. If that is the case, then please share your worries with someone you can trust. Let them hold your worries for you, while you clear your mind and focus on your task on hand.

Dear Madam.
I am third-year, B.Sc (agriculture) studying in UAS, Raichur. I am unable to concentrate on my studies. My percentage is good but I have three arrears to clear. I am constantly distracted by friends and chit-chat. They tease me which makes me angry, but I control myself. I practise a bit of yoga too. I want to pursue an MSc in Entomology.
XYZ

Dear XYZ,
I am not in any position to recommend books to you, nor can I comment on your choice of subject for post-graduation. However, I can help you with the pressure and stress that the teasing by your friends is causing you. I understand that it is making you feel angry, and you feel you need to control that anger. It is important to recognise and accept that you are feeling angry, and that it is okay to feel angry. However, what you do with that anger is important. Do you allow it to disturb your concentration because it is eating you up from within, or do you allow it to goad you to speak your mind, and let your friends know how you feel, so that they feel pressured to change their behaviour. Sometimes, we feel angry, and are not sure of ourselves, and therefore fear that if we speak up we will lose our friends; if we show our true feelings, we will appear to be weak. On the contrary, having the courage to speak up and let people know how you feel is a sign of great strength. Believe in yourself, and your worth, and don’t let the fear of losing your friends hold you back. Let them know how their behaviour makes you feel. If nothing else, their response, will provide you with a test to benchmark their friendship.
Meanwhile doing yoga and deep breathing are good stress-busters and will help you calm down.

Dear Madam,
I am a Class 10 student, studying under ICSE Board. I have scored averagely in my unit tests, but I have failed three subjects in the preps because of lack of concentration. I know I can do better, but it’s somehow not happening. I am not at all confident about passing the Boards, which will start soon. I want to concentrate on my studies and nothing else till my Boards get over. I come from a family of rank holders. I am worried about embarrassing my family members and relatives. How many hours should I study every day? How can I devise a strong daily time-table that will help me study more in less time?
Freda

Dear Freda,
By the time this response gets published, you will be in the midst of your Board exams. All I can say is that fear can be a really negative emotion which holds you back from performing to your true potential. Don’t let fear bring you down. When you are really scared of something, try and analyse what it is that you are really scared about. You mentioned that everyone in your family is a rank holder and that if you don’t do well it will be a big embarrassment.

Please don’t let external pressures like this be your motivators. If at all you want to do well, it should be because that is something that you desire, not because it is something for the benefit of everyone around you. Remember, that you are unique and special in your own way. Know your own strengths and weaknesses. If academics is not your strength, it does not mean that you are not worthy and capable in other aspects of your life, or that you are of less value to those around you.

In any case academic achievements are not a guarantee of success in life — only of success in exams. Even if you don’t do as well as you, and others, would like, you still have the rest of your life to be successful in ways that you want. Exams are merely a stepping-stone, or a door-opener. So, for whatever is left of your exams, good luck and learn to relax.