Be anxiety-free - Ask our counsellor Q&A column

[The following column written by me was published in the Deccan Herald Education pages on February 12, 2015]

Dear Madam,
I’m currently a first year student at a well-known college in Dharwad. I stay in a hostel as my parents live in Belgaum. For some reason, I was not able to study in Dharwad, so my parents thought of bringing me back to Belgaum. The problem is that my subject combination is PCM and Statistics, but there is no college in Belgaum that offers Statistics as an option. Am I allowed to change my combination for the second year? Please help me with some solution.
Aniket
Dear Aniket
I do not know anything about the rules around changing of subjects and things like that. I am sure your new college, or previous college will be able to answer that. 

However, I would like you to try and understand for yourself why you were unable to study in Dharwad. Understanding that, and maybe addressing it, will help you make the best choice for yourself. 

What was holding you back in Dharwad? Was it peer pressure to appear ‘cool’ and not study? Was it fear of the future and exams which led to anxiety that did not let you focus? Was it due to the fact that you were missing the safety, comfort and nurturing at home? Was it because you were being bullied? Was it because of distractions around girls? Or, some other reason. Identifying the reason and working on it will ensure that you do not repeat the same problem in your new college. 

But this exercise may not be easy and you may need the help of a trusted adult, or a counsellor, to arrive at some answers for yourself. You may also call the Parivarthan Counselling Helpline at 080 65333323 for free counselling support over the phone since you may not have access to a face-to-face counsellor. All the best.

Dear Madam, 
My daughter is in the eighth standard. She spends a lot of time watching TV, sometimes watching it until 11 pm and beyond. This leaves very little time for her studies and is affecting her academics. I have attempted to discourage her by setting some rules, but she gets annoyed. It has reached a situation where I have lost control over her. What do I do? 
Tense mother

Dear mother
Maybe you should get some help and support to understand what is going on for you. The reasons for your anxiety, and the feeling of loss of control and the resultant fear around that. Also, to help you regain your influence (I prefer that word to control) over your daughter. Influence is a much more powerful tool than control. 

Also, very often, with our children, we look at behaviours and seek to change behaviours that we don’t like. 

We never try to understand the behaviours in terms of the feelings and thoughts that are driving them. Behaviours are always linked to thoughts and feelings and those are what we actually need to address.

It is possible that your daughter is using the TV-watching as an escape because the work at hand is too overwhelming and anxiety-provoking. 

Then that is what needs to be addressed, not the TV watching. When we don’t understand the feelings and thoughts, we are not able to connect to the child and we just keep trying to stop behaviours that we don’t like. 

Like in an iceberg, the behaviours that are visible only give a small percentage of the whole story. We need to see the iceberg in its totality.

So my advice to you would be to seek to influence, not to control; and seek to understand the part of the iceberg that is not visible and is under the surface. And if you are not able to do this by yourself, please reach out for help to a counsellor.
All the best

Dear Madam
My daughter who is in I PU (PCMB) says she forgets the subjects once she receives the question paper even though she has prepared well. What is the reason? Is this a common problem among students. Please advise. 
George Jose 

Dear George
Yes, this happens sometimes as exams can be very anxiety provoking for some students and if the anxiety is not addressed and put into perspective, then issues stemming from the anxiety fill up all the working memory, leaving little space for actual study material that is to be remembered.

I have written extensively on this topic in this column before and I would urge you to read my earlier columns that are archived on my blog. In particular I would suggest you read ‘Demystifying exam anxiety” http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2013/11/demystifying-exam-anxiety.html and another one titled “Why exams are nothing to worry about” http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2010/09/putting-exams-in-perspective.html . I think these will help you and her understand the phenomena and make necessary changes.

It is also important that you, as parents, be mindful of the pressure you put on her around the exams and the expectations you have around marks. Sometimes, we don’t realise it, but we are the source of the stress. 

And often, even if we are not, our children think they need to live up to our expectations, or their own, and put pressure on themselves.

If these inputs help, that is great, otherwise it will be beneficial for your daughter to see a counsellor who may help her address some of her fears around exams.
All the best

Dear Madam,
I am in the second year of engineering and fairly good in studies. I have always dreamt of doing something on my own – doing something big. But I have no idea in which field. What would you have done if you were in my shoes? I really do not know how to get to my final destination. How do I go about realising my dream?
SK 

Dear SK
What I would have done if I were in your shoes is really not relevant, because your shoes are different and unique and only you can fit best into them.

It is important to discover your passion and understand your dreams better. What are your motivations for doing something on your own? What does doing something big mean – big in terms of money, big in terms of impact, big in terms of fame, big in terms of earth-shattering discovery? So what does ‘big’ mean to you? What are your motivators in life – money, influence, fame, impact, leisure, relationships? These are some questions you need to take time to answer. 

Also identify your strengths and weaknesses and identify areas that play to your strengths. 

Then look at the kind of opportunities that you can take advantage of, and threats that may hamper your path. Also list down areas that are of interest to you – an interest that is deep and lasting. Also understand what success and failure mean to you and how you define them. 

Once you have done some of this soul-searching, possible options may start appearing. Your introspection may yield different answers as you ‘grow’ but that’s a good place to start.Good luck

Don't let your fear immobilize you - Ask our counsellor Q&A column

[The following column answered by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education Supplement of January 9, 2014]

 
Dear Madam
I am a class X student. When I sit to study, I study only for a few minutes. I get distracted very easily. I think that I will do it after some time but ultimately the days pass. That leads to studying the whole portions before the examination day. This happens to me every year. Due to this my results are always below 80%. I really don’t want to face this mess in my Board exams so I want you to suggest me a solution for this problem.
A student

Dear student

What amazes me, and gives me a lot of hope, is that with hardly any effort you are able to get 80% marks. Can you imagine what wonders a little bit of effort can do? You need to be grateful that you are blessed with the intelligence you have, and make the most of it. Very often people need to put in a lot of effort to get to your level. You only need to put in the effort only to go beyond that level. That is a great place to be in and the choice to make the most of it, or to fritter it away, is yours, and yours alone. You owe it to yourself, more than to anyone else. So count your blessings that you have an option of chasing the sky because the only missing component is one you have complete control over – your effort! What are you waiting for?
All the best

Dear Madam,
I am a student of Class XI. I had scored 92% in 10th standard. But now it has declined to 40%. I don’t know what happened to me and my confidence level is almost 0. My aim is to become a lecturer in zoology. But I don’t like any subject nowadays. I really don’t know what to do in my future. Please help me madam.
Vidyarani Mahendrakar

Dear Vidyarani
It is important to try and analyze for yourself why there has been a sudden drop in your performance. Only when you understand the reasons for something happening can you take necessary steps to rectify the situation. Are you distracted by something, or someone? Are you not interested in subjects anymore? Are you finding them difficult? Are you not understanding what is happening in class and therefore not able to follow the material? Are you scared of your exams and the marks and the fear is immobilizing you, or are you feeling pressurized to perform and is that what is making it hard for you to focus. It is important to understand the reason to be able to address it, and for this you may need to take the help of an adult you can trust, or a counsellor. Once you know the reasons that are holding you back, you can work on addressing the issues involved.

Dear Madam,
I am studying in class 6 CBSE. I am average in maths and when I practise maths for hours my brain gets stressed and I fall asleep for a long time. Madam, please give me a few tips so that I can be stress free.
Akash vardhan

Dear Akash
As a 6th grader, my advice to you is to make stress your friend. Stress is not always a bad thing. In fact some stress is often good and necessary because it motivates us to put in our best effort to do better. It drives us to achieve our potential. So don’t look for a stress-free life, because it doesn’t exist. Instead look at stress as a helpful force that pushes us to do our best.

So if maths is stressing you out, it does not mean that you have to give it up because it is bad for you. It only means you have to try a little harder and put in a little more effort to get success in it. And maths is one of those subjects which immediately rewards effort – the more effort you put in the better you get at it.

Dear Madam,
I am an aspirant of civil service. I hail from Udupi and came to Bangalore in 2012 June for coaching from a coaching institute. Initially I was interested in studies and fully concentrated. As exams were approaching I lost interest in books. I stopped going to classes and was watching TV for hours together. As a result I lost in my first attempt. In 2013 June I decided to work as a teacher to reduce the financial burden on my parents and to manage time and money. It is almost two months since I have touched my books. I am confused regarding my optional paper. I studied in Kannada medium from standard 1 to 10. I am therefore scared that my essays may not be up to the mark. I don’t know what to do. Please guide me.
Sanjana Vasudeva

Dear Sanjana
Don’t let your fear immobilize you. Confront your fear, face it, and make fear your friend. Let it be your motivator to drive you to put in your best effort. What is the worst that can happen if your essay is not up to the mark? At best you won’t clear the paper. Which, in any case if you don’t put in your effort, you may not do. So instead of letting that fear immobilize you, let it motivate you to put in more effort in all areas, There is nothing that cannot be overcome with genuine and sincere effort. If you know that essays are your weak spot then take some extra help in that area – ensure you speak in English, watch English movies, read an English newspaper and books.

Also, remember, there is no weakness we cannot overcome – either by putting in an extra effort to minimize our weakness, or by changing our belief about the debilitating impact of our weakness on us, and compensating for it by focusing on other areas.
Good luck

Identify your strengths - Ask our counsellor Q&A column

[The following column written by me was published in the Deccan Herald Education supplement of September 25, 2013]

Dear Madam,

I am a student of class X studying in a residential school. I feel that I am turning out to be inferior. In my previous classes, I was bold enough to face the public in competitions or other activities. However, now I hesitate to open up my ideas. I even hesitate to speak out certain correct things in front of my teachers. This has led me to develop an inferiority complex. Nowadays my voice shivers, whenever I speak to the public in certain competitions. Most of my classmates tease me whenever my voice shivers. I feel ashamed. So please help me.Yashaswini 
Dear Yashaswini,

I understand that you are feeling you are not good enough and are faced with self-doubt and this is stopping you from expressing your opinion, either in class or on stage. You also think your friends are teasing you because of this. I want you to make an attempt at understanding what your fear is. What in your opinion is the worst thing that could happen if you did express your opinion, or if you did falter while speaking on stage? Once you are able to name your fear you will be able to address it.

Also, you must understand all your strengths and recognize your weaknesses. Those friends who laugh at you also have their weaknesses. They are not perfect, and neither are you. Why don’t you let them know how you feel when they laugh at you? Being open about your feelings gives you strength to face situations. For instance, if you are nervous before a speech on stage, and you go up on the podium and in the first line or two mention about how making this speech is a very scary experience for you, you will find that you don’t then need to ‘pretend’ to be ‘brave’. You will understand that it is okay and normal to be scared, and one can overcome it.

But more than anything else, I want you to believe in yourself. Write down a list of all your strengths, and acknowledge them to yourself. Then make a list of your weaknesses, understand that everyone has weaknesses, see which ones you want to overcome and which ones you are comfortable living with. And then go ahead and overcome them. In this process take the help of a trusted adult you can work with. Better still work with a counselor.

All the best

Dear Ma’am,

I am a Class IX CBSE student studying in Kendriya Vidyalaya. Recently I have changed the section and I am facing an inconvenience. I was the topper in my previous classes. After changing the section, I am feeling I can't cope up because of the competition. All the toppers of the other sections are in my section and I feel inferior amongst them. I want to gain my confidence back.

A student

Dear student,

The important thing is not to try to be the topper all the time, but to perform to the best of your ability and to put in your best effort to achieve your potential. Being the topper among a class of mediocre students does not help you achieve your potential in life as much as being amongst a group of bright students who are all striving to achieve their best. This kind of positive peer pressure helps you reduce the gap between your performance and your potential because it forces you to push yourself. Don’t view this as a failure because you are not topping now. Instead, view it as an opportunity that is allowing you to push yourself to succeed. Because ultimately success in life will not come because you topped in your 9th grade, or 10th grade, but because you learnt the important life lesson of pushing yourself and putting in your best effort. Success is not about getting the highest marks in any given group.

Success is about driving yourself to do the best you can. It is about doing better than you did the last time, not necessarily about doing better than everyone else. Use yourself as a benchmark, and let the class drive you to your potential. The moment you shift the benchmark of performance from the rest of the class, to yourself and your previous performance, your focus will change. The marks you get only make a point to others, which is not important. Your effort makes a point to yourself, which is the only thing that matters.

Don’t base your confidence on what others are getting. Don’t view others’ marks as a deterrent - instead view them as a driver and a motivator that will narrow the gap between your performance and your effort.

Hope this helps. All the best

Dear Ma’am,

I am Likitha of class 12. I am an average student (70%) but in 10th I got good marks (90%). I had a wonderful set of friends, but I changed my college even though I didn’t want to, because of my parents’ pressure. In the new college also I made friends but they are not so close like my old friends. And here I don’t know why I have lost interest in studies. Before, at least I used to open my books but now even if I do so, after sometime I feel sleepy, or else I loose interest and close my books. I plan to study each day, but I keep thinking I will do it after some time and the day will be gone. With my own interest I took PCMB. I wanted to become a doctor. I know it is not so easy but seeing my marks I have lost confidence. My mom wanted me to take commerce and now she scolds me saying, “If you can’t, why did you take science?” There are only a few months left for my board exams. I am scared about my future. Please help me.

Likitha
Dear Likitha,

I notice that you are already speaking in past tense about your desire to become a doctor, as though it is something that is already not possible. I urge you not to give up your dreams so easily. But make sure it is something you want to do, and not something you are pursuing only to prove yourself to your parents (or anyone else). I also notice that you are labelling yourself as ‘average’ and are surprised by your performance in the 10th. Labels are very dangerous and we tend to live up to the labels we give ourselves. If you consider yourself as ‘average’ you will tend to fulfill that label for yourself. So take a few minutes to identify your strengths, and recognize your uniqueness and special abilities and qualities. You may have average capability in some areas but that does not make you ‘average’ as a person.

Each group of friends has a unique chemistry and energy. It cannot be replaced by another group in exactly the same way as no two groups will be alike. The new group will never be exactly like the old, but will have its own energy and positives.

You say you are scared about your future. What is your worst fear? I feel that this fear is overwhelming you and you are losing your motivation to study. Name your fears. When you name them, they are not as scary any more and often you realize that some of them may not even be rational. You need to find your own motivation to study. And this motivation has to come from you, not from your parents pushing you. After all, who will be the biggest beneficiary of your hard work?

All the best

Follow your passion - Ask our counsellor Q&A column

[The following column written by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education Supplement on July 4, 2013]

Dear Madam,
I am a student of class XII and would like to join MBBS next year. Like every child, I have had different ambitions at different times of my life. I developed a passion for cooking at the age of 13 but did not pursue it since it seemed an "unpredictable" career to my parents. Pushing that aside, I started to write novels, stories, features, etc. At the age of 15, I had published my own story book. Again, my parents branded that as another "unpredictable" career. At that point, I was aware that they wanted me to become a doctor which I had NO interest in. But eventually, I understood what their point was. They want me to be established in a profession that has some sort of stability. Once I am settled, I can pursue my ambitions. Truthfully, that seems like the right choice to make, but I am scared that I will never get to follow my dreams. What if life steers me another way? Will I lose my passion to be a writer if I do not do something about it now? I am an indecisive person, and I do not want that to get in the way of my future. Yes, I have chosen to study medicine but I do not know if that is the right decision for me. Right now, however, it seems like I have no other choice.
Shimona Lakshman

Dear Shimona

It’s great that you have such varied interests and that you have been able to take them to the next level. Remember, there are no right and wrong answers to your dilemmas. Whatever works for you is the right answer, because this is about your life and future. And whatever choice you make, you must believe that you have the ability to make it work for you. So make your choices with mindfulness, not out of compulsion and as a last resort. There is no right age to pursue one’s passions and dreams. You can do it at whatever stage is convenient for you. Some people do it early on, and some people do it later. And luckily for you, your passions are such that they can be pursued even alongside your chosen career. Haven’t you heard of a doctor who has published a novel, or written a book? Haven’t you heard of a doctor who’s cooking is to die for?
So make your choice, knowing that it is your choice, and believing that it will be right for you.

Dear Madam,
I am a PUC student with PCMC combination. I have failed in mathematics and have become hopeless since then. I have been put into science stream by force. My strengths in this field of study is Computer Science and English. And, my greatest weakness is mathematics. I would like to know whether supplementary exams are conducted this year or not. If it is conducted when should I apply and what are exact dates for the exam timetable. Also I would like you to tell me as to how should I prepare for the exams as this is the first time I have failed so miserably in exams. Will I be accepted in courses like BBM and BCom as I have not passed through annuals. I really do not want to enter the field of science anymore. Please guide me as to how should I mentally prepare myself for this exam and get the best out of this. What alternatives do I have if there is no supplementary exams?
A student

Dear Student
I am not in a position to answer any of your questions with respect to supplementary exams and the criteria for admission to any course, or the technique of study you should adopt. This information should be easily available from your college and your peers. All I would like to say is that failure in one exam is no reason to lose hope. It does not mean that you are a failure, nor does it mean that you will fail in that exam all the time. All of us are bound to face failure at some points in our life, and the sooner we learn to face it, learn from it and overcome it, the better it is for us.

I understand that you don’t have an interest in maths, but that does not mean you don’t have the capability to clear the exam. Remember, our mind has the capacity to grow and learn anything that we set our heart on. Intelligence is not fixed. It can grow based on the effort we put in, and the mind set we work with. If you put in an honest effort in maths, you will be able to overcome your mental block and learn, maybe even enjoy, the subject. Nothing is impossible.

Keep in mind the famous quote by John Wooden, “Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It’s courage that counts.”

Dear Madam,
I have completed my class IX but with bad results. I just scored 88% and my parents expected more than 95%. In spite of good revision my score was low.  I learnt most of the syllabus very well. I had spent almost 4 hrs to learn each chapter during my preparation. But on the day before my exams I found that I had forgotten most of it and I had to spend 4hrs again to learn them well. But on the day of my exam I had forgotten many things again. This time, I was not able to finish revising all chapters before the day of my exam and more over, I could not remember much out of what I had studied. Most of my friends and my twin sister have good memory power unlike me. They don't consume 4hrs or more to finish each chapter. I don't understand why this is happening with me. Among all the subjects, Chemistry and Physics were horrible. I don't know how I'll face the ICSE this academic year and its vast portions. This year, all my score were below 90%. Please help me out so that I can do well in my board exams.
Vaibhavi

Dear Vaibhavi

My sense is that you are feeling too stressed and anxious about your marks and your performance, and that is affecting your concentration and memory. When you said you got bad results in your opening line, I expected your percentage to be much lower than the 88 you had mentioned. Please remember that your parents may have whatever expectations they have, and your twin sister may be getting much higher marks with spending less time, but you are a unique and valuable person with a unique and, maybe, different set of strengths and weaknesses. You need to recognize your strengths and achieve your own potential. This is not about living upto someone else’s expectations; it is about living up to your own expectations from yourself and achieving your own potential. For that you need to know what your strengths and weaknesses are and you need to understand that just because you may not get as many marks as your sister, you are not inferior to her. Marks are not the only benchmark for success, or worth, in life. Unfortunately, all to often, many of us believe they are. While marks may be important to open some doors for you in life, marks alone cannot guarantee success for anyone. So don’t let the fear of marks drive you around the bend. Don’t give them more power and control over you than they deserve. Just persevere, put in your best effort, learn well, and find your own motivation. Let that be your driver. And, remember to relax along the way.
All the best

Dear Madam,
I am an avid reader of this column and adore the manner in which you handle every dilemma. I am in a confused situation too. I am currently in my eighth semester engineering with an aggregate of 75%. With no placements in the near future through the campus, I am looking forward to higher studies. Meanwhile, I have discovered a passion for the mike and stage through the various debate competitions I won and by being MOC in a chain of events at college. I feel that I should follow my passion and take up journalism as my career. My fluency in writing and an excellent command over the language has given me immense confidence. My parents are not supportive as they feel that journalism involve a lot threats. Shifting streams at the postgraduate level may sound bizarre, but I am ready for the challenge. Can you advice me on this aspect and suggest an excellent university in India and favorably in Karnataka where I can pursue my passion, if it is possible?
A Reader

Dear Reader
I am glad you find this column useful. It is always encouraging to get feedback, and if it is positive then that is even better! You are right in saying that you should explore your passion and do what you enjoy. You may want to understand what the alternative career entails by talking to people in that profession. Also understand your parents’ fears and apprehensions about it. Ultimately your parents will want you to do something that will make you happy. If you are able to communicate that to them, they will be satisfied.You could look at using your engineering education to add value to the branch of journalism that you are wanting to pursue. In any case, no education goes waste, even if you are not actively pursuing that field. Learning anything can only be helpful.Before taking the plunge map your strengths and weaknesses onto your career options, and see which one gives you more of an advantage. List out the plusses and minuses of both choices and see which one weighs in stronger. Ultimately do what will make you feel happier and more satisfied, but do it for the right reasons.

Don't live up to others' expectations - Ask our counsellor Q&A column

[The following column written by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education supplement of June 13, 2013]

Dear Madam
I am studying BE Telecommunication in VTU. To be frank with you, now I am 27 yrs old. I took admission in 2005 and I was to complete the course in 2009. But due to my negligence and laziness, it is only now in August 2013 that I have got admission into the final year. Since I am taking 8 years to complete my course, it will be very difficult for me to get a job in any MNC. So now, as I have few months free till August for my final year admission, which course should I go for that will be useful for me in getting a job. Till now I have studied Programming Languages like C, and C++. Please suggest any career oriented courses of upto one year duration. Even if it is expensive, I will go for it. I am interested in software courses as I am interested in writing the logic for a program. I am the only son of my parents and they have huge expectations from me. I don’t have any plans for PG studies. I am already 27 now. So please provide me enough details of institutions, which would recruit me to good MNC.
Student.

Dear Student
I am not a career counsellor and so have no advice for you on which courses you should attend to brighten your chances of a job in an MNC. All I can suggest is that don’t make your life about living upto your parents’ expectations alone. What are your expectations from yourself? Don’t strive to achieve something only as a favour to your parents. The biggest beneficiary of your professional success is you, not your parents. They will merely be happy to see you grow in whichever area you choose. The actual joy and satisfaction of doing well is going to come to you, not your parents. So it is about time you decided that you needed to achieve something because you want to do something in life.

It is good that you have been able to recognize the reasons for your not clearing your exams in time and keeping up with your peers. Recognizing where the problem lies is half the battle won. If you know where the problem is, it is much easier to overcome it. Remember also, that success in the workplace is not merely a function of marks. It depends, to a large extent, on your soft skills as well - your ability to communicate, lead a team, be a team player, think creatively and out of the box, problem solve, etc. You may want to spend your next few months focussing on those areas.

Dear Madam,
I am a 9th grade CBSE student studying in Kendriya Vidyalaya. Recently I changed my Section and I am facing an inconvenience. I was a topper in my previous class. After changing the Section, I feel I can't cope because of the competition. All the toppers of the other sections are in my section, and I feel inferior between them. I want to gain my confidence back. PLEASE HELP!
Student

Dear Student
It looks like you have been shifted into a section which has all the high performers from all classes. I am sure this was done to make the environment more challenging, and hence more meaningful, for all of you - to help you achieve your potential and better equip you to face the future competitive environment. You should not view this as a threat, or an inconvenience, but rather as an opportunity that you have been given because of your good academic performance.

It is not important to always be the topper amongst a group of children. The goal of education is not to top, but to learn, and to gain the tools to achieve your potential, now and in the future. Would you rather top amongst an average set of students, or be amongst the entire set of top performers, even if you are not at the top. Your goal must be to maximize your learning and put in your best effort. Your sense of self-worth must come from your self belief and confidence in your own abilities, not from the fact that your marks were the highest. Your sense of achievement and success must come from being as close to achieving your own potential, rather than from being the top amongst a mediocre bunch.

So be thankful for the opportunity that you have got. Change is always difficult because it involves stepping out of your comfort zone (in this case, that of knowing that you can easily top your class). But to grow and achieve our potential we must step out of our comfort zone, no matter how scary that process. So go ahead and plunge in.

Dear Ma'am,
I completed my 1st PUC Science(PCMB) with an average percentage. I have no intention of joining any tutorials as I believe that I am confident of reaching my goals with the coaching given in my college. Even in my 10th Std (State syllabus) I managed to secure very well without tutorials. But now, everyone I know have joint tutorials and I am literally the only person who is not as serious as others. I feel too depressed and insecure. In spite of this, I have no interest whatsoever to join tutorials because I know I can't balance both college and tutorials. I feel too anxious just thinking about 2nd PUC. Being insecure as I am now, I have lost hope of doing well. I experienced all of these before the start of 10th Std too, but I managed in the end. But, now I feel too low. Some of my college teachers have begun their own tutorials and I feel even the teachers suggest to join tutorials. There is no one to inspire and motivate me to prove that it is possible to succeed without tutorials and this fact has pushed me to the edge. I am willing to put my best efforts and work hard with dedication. Is that enough? Everyone has this theory in mind that only students who go to tutorials can do well in 2nd PUC. Is that true? Can I perform well without going to tutorials?
Arpitha

Dear Arpitha
If you are confident about your ability to work hard and put in your best effort, then you do not need to do something because everyone else is doing it. Most people go to tutorials because that forces them to put in the extra work required, which they are not confident and disciplined enough to do on their own.

Ultimately success in the exams will depend on effort, diligence, and dedication, whether it is in the tutorial classroom or at home. What the tutorials may do is make you more familiar with the style of questions that may come in the examination, but you can get that from past question papers as well. The tutorials are just an extra tool that students use, to make sure they haven’t missed on any help they can get. Tutorials cannot guarantee success without the student’s own dedication and effort.

I am happy to hear you say that you are confident of reaching your goals on your own. Ultimately, that is the confidence that will drive you to success, not tutorial classes. So don’t lose heart. It is always difficult to do something that is different from the crowd, but go with what your heart says.

 You say you are not as serious as others, yet on the other hand you say that you have the confidence to do it on your own. These are contradictory statements. Obviously you are serious and have confidence in your own ability. Seriousness is not measure by how many classes you attend.

Don’t let your fear and insecurity incapacitate you. Every one needs to find the means to the end that works for them. Just because tutorial classes work for others, does not necessarily mean they will work for you.

Others may not have the same confidence that you have. Don’t let others’ fear and insecurities convert your strength into a weakness.

All the best

n