[The following column answered by me appreared in the Deccan Herald Education supplement of December 4, 2014]Dear Madam, I am an 18-year-old
guy who passed SSLC with 92 per cent but scored only 60 per cent in IInd
PUC. I am embarrassed by this. My father had to take a loan to get me a
mechanical engineering seat. Consequently, there is a lot of pressure
on me to perform well. Could you suggest me an effective timetable with
which I can perform well? Also, I spend a lot of time chatting with my
friends which distracts me. This is affecting my overall study schedule. Kindly help me out. P Sai Dear P Sai, I
understand that you recognise that your performance in IInd PUC was not
up to your potential and that you are feeling embarrassed and pressured
because your father had to take a loan to get you an engineering seat.
You recognise that some of your slip-up in performance could be due to
the fact that you are now distracted and spend a lot of time talking to
friends, instead of focusing on your work. It is good that you have been
able to identify one of the causes of your poor performance, because if
you know the reason it is easy to address, if you want to.
It
is not for me to make a study time table for you, It is for you to make
your own timetable and commit to it. I can make a timetable which can be
completely meaningless because it does not have your buy-in. Your
problem is probably not a lack of capability, but rather the absence of
focus and a key motivating factor. Find your motivation and you will
automatically be spurred to work towards achieving it. All the best.
Dear Madam, I
am 16 years old and in my first year of commerce degree. I am an
average student and have scored 75 percent in SSLC. I am lazy and have
no interest in studying. I get through the examinations by sticking to a
strict timetable. But I find myself lost in the nonsensical thoughts
most of the time. I spend the time for studying daydreaming. I wish to
study well and put my educational qualifications to good use. Kindly
suggest some helpful measures. KV
Dear KV, There
is a time and a place for everything, including the nonsensical
thoughts. It is quite natural for you to be distracted. Yet, it is good
that you understand what the right path is for you and what will get you
long-term results. If you know what works for you, then your problem is
made simpler because you have a solution that works. If sticking to a
timetable has worked for you in the past, then you should just replicate
that model, while allowing time for distractions and maybe building it
into your timetable. It is not necessary that you have to study all the
time. It is important to focus and put in your best while you are
studying and also keeping time for other things. Do remember all work
and no play makes you dull. So, try to keep a healthy mix of both work
and pleasure. I wish you all the best.
Dear Madam, I
am a 15-year-old girl. I finished my class 9 in an ICSE school with 74
percent results. I aspire to score more than 85 percent in my upcoming
10th board exams. But I am very nervous as I want to perform well.
Suggest some helpful measures.SS Dear SS, When
you feel nervous or anxious about an exam, take some time to understand
what your worst fear is. Write down that fear, understand it and then
set it aside. Let it not clutter up your active memory. I have written
extensively in this column on exam anxiety, but I have also written an
article which helps explain the demystify exam anxiety which can be
found on my blog which isÂ
www.personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2013/11/demystifying-exam-anxiety.html.
I urge you to take a few minutes to read it. Once you understand it,
you can overcome it. Also remember, that the class 10 exams should not
be your end goal. They are just a stepping stone on your journey in
life. All the best.
Dear Madam, I'm
studying in II PUC (science). My problem is I can't study for long
hours at a stretch. I lose my concentration pretty soon. Can you tell me
how to study for a long period of time and also how to revise for the
exams? Adarsh Kamble
Dear Adarsh, I
do not have any magic formula that can work for everyone. Each student
needs to discover their own study technique that works best for them. If
you are not able to concentrate for a long period of time at a stretch,
then you must make your schedule such that you plan for short periods
of focused time, with adequate breaks. It is not important to study all
the time, and it is not a crime to take a break. Some people prefer to
study in one long stretch and work for a couple of hours at a time.
Others
work best in small chunks with breaks. Do what works best for you. As
for revision, again, there are many techniques and you must discover
what works for you. If you discover it on your own, you will commit to
it. It is not something I can tell you how to do. All the best.
Dear Madam, I
failed my SSC exams owing to my difficulties in math and physics
subjects. I studied hard for my re-exams and managed to clear all my
papers. I am now scared to take up science again. But my family wants me
to take up science while I am interested in arts. Kindly help me out
here. Do I listen to my parents or my tutor who thinks I have potential
in science? Khadarabi M
Dear Khadarabi, It
is not for me to tell you which subjects you take. Your choice of
subjects should be based on what is your end goal and what is the path
you see yourself pursuing in your future. Whatever subjects you choose,
you should choose them because you like them and want to do them, not
because someone is suggesting them to you. But do remember that choices
bring along great responsibilities. You then cannot blame anyone else if
your performance is not up to the mark. So, take ownership of your
future, and commit to it. And then follow your heart. All the best.
[The following column written by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education supplement of November 13, 2014]
Dear Madam,I am a third year MBBS student. My score in 1st year was 70 percent and 66 percent in 2nd year. Although, I am good in practical, I falter in theory. I get low scores in every internal test and main exams. I can’t seem to find the root of the problem. Does presentation of my answers lead to low scores? This has left me depressed and lowered my self-confidence. I am a hard-working student and also know that to become a successful doctor, I need my hands-on skills more than the theoretical knowledge. But I get very distracted by the low scores.Please give me some tips in getting better marks in my theory exams. Dear student, Please don’t worry about the marks, because like you said, it is the learning that is more important. You seem to be better at the tougher tasks. Clinical skills, understanding and communication are what get tested in the practicals and you seem to be in an enviable position there. It may be that you have now worked yourself up and are getting anxious about getting the marks, which is then not letting you focus and concentrate while studying and writing the papers.
Sometimes, anxiety fills up our mind, and we tend to forget things we are meant to remember. It is absolutely important not to let anxiety get the better of it. Always believe that even if the worst happens, you will still be able to have a meaningful life. So, enjoy your strengths in the areas that are aspirational for others. And don’t fill your mind with worry.
However, when you get your marked test or exam papers back, do spend a few minutes understanding where you made the mistakes and why you lost the marks. The important thing to remember every time you are not as successful as you would like to be, is to learn from the experience.
What can you learn from the situation and the result which will make you do better the next time. Self-reflection, rather than worry, fear and anxiety, can pay rich dividends. All the best.
Dear Madam,I am currently in my second year of mechanical engineering and have lost my focus on studies. Having lost a year, I feel I can’t do anything right while everyone around me is performing well. I also failed in the 12th board exams in one subject, however, I cleared it in the supplementary exam. I did my NCC and I also have a C certificate with an A grade. I want to join the army, but I am not feeling confident about myself and whenever I sit to study, negative thoughts arise in my mind and I feel that I can’t do it at all. Please help.Akshay Kulkarni Dear Akshay, All of us get both positive and negative thoughts. They come in huge numbers every other day in our heads. So, the fact that you are getting negative thoughts is not something to be worried about. It is normal. You just have to train yourself to let the thoughts go. I am not sure which city you are in, and if you will be able to take the help of a counsellor to handle your negative thoughts, rebuild your confidence and regain your focus. I think it will help you tremendously to take this support.
In case you are not able to find a good counsellor, feel free to call the Parivarthan Counselling Helpline at 080-65333323. This is a free service that you can avail of without any hesitation. Counselling will help you discover your own potential and regain your confidence. It is to your credit that you have been able to reach out for help by writing in to me via this column. Now I urge you to take the next step of reaching out for some on-going support that can really make a difference. All the best.
Dear Madam,I am a 26-year old guy from Dharwad, currently pursuing a course in hotel management and aviation in Hubballi. I suffer from social anxiety. For the past eight years, I have been taking medications but it is of no consequence. I underwent all kinds of therapies, but it has not helped me. Kindly help me out here as my future career is in jeopardy. I have major responsibilities like repaying my educational loan and taking care of my mother.Vinayak Patil Dear Vinayak, A large part of the treatment for social phobia and anxiety is based on cognitive behaviour therapy techniques and belief modification. I’m sorry to hear that you are not benefiting from the medications and therapy you have been undergoing. There is a lot of work being done in NIMHANS in Bengaluru to help clients with social anxiety. I am wondering if it is possible for you to seek the help of the behavioural therapy unit in NIMHANS.
I am not familiar with the resources available in Hubballi, but this is a specialised technique and I do know that there are skilled doctors in NIMHANS who may help you out. Social anxiety stems from irrational beliefs about yourself, the people around you, and your relationship with them.
You tend to undervalue yourself and your worth and capabilities, and overvalue that of those around you. This makes you feel uncomfortable in their presence, to the point of making your dysfunctional unless you are able to recognise this pattern and address the underlying beliefs that are driving it.
I am not sure how much I have been able to help you by this response, but you are right in seeking out help, as that is the first step to getting back on track. And once you have been able to overcome the fears associated with your anxiety you can be back to handling your career with comfort. Dear Madam,I am pursuing my 2nd year PUC in science. I am interested in doing BSc Psychology in Macquarie University, Sydney. But my parents want me to become a doctor. Also, they are not comfortable with me going abroad for this purpose. I am confused and pondering whether the decision of studying psychology is right or not. Kindly suggest a way out.Nikitha Dear Nikitha, It is nice to know that you are clear about what you want to study. Many at your age do not have such a clear idea. What might help you is to spend some time thinking about your reasons for making that choice. Why are you interested in psychology? And, also think try doing a SWOT analysis for yourself.
Understand and list down your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities ahead of you and the threats in your path. You could do this at a general level, and then specifically keeping psychology in mind. This exercise will help you establish whether you have a lasting interest in psychology, and whether it will play to your strengths.
Once you have this analysis for yourself, you will be in a better position to have a conversation with your parents about psychology versus medicine, and also understand their reasons for preferring medicine. When you have made a choice of field, you can then arrive at what is the best university to do it from. Good luck.
[The following column written by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education supplement of October 14, 2014]
Dear Madam I am doing my postgraduation in
Gulbarga University (Gulbarga). My problem is in studies. I forget
easily What I study and my mind feels disturbed during exams. Please
give me a solution. Pavan Pralhad
Dear Pavan
Anxiety due to, and during exams, is
common and many people experience it. Know that you are not alone. And a
lot of that anxiety is due to the fear of the outcome. We feel scared
of what will happen if we don’t get “good enough” marks, and that fear
fills up our mind space with worry, instead of the material we need to
be studying and remembering. I had written an article exactly on this
issue some time back, and it can be found on my blog at
http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2013/11/demystifying-exam-anxiety.htmlAnalyse
what your fears and worries around exams are. Express them and maybe
put them down on paper. Essentially find a way to store them in some
place other than your brain so that your brain is freed up for what you
are studying. Writing down your fears and worries on paper often helps
to free yourself from them.
Also try and understand if your fears
are rational and what really would happen if you don’t do that well.
Remember, if one door closes, another one will open, but provided you
allow it to. Also remember, that you need to study to learn, not to get
good marks. So study from the end objective of understanding, not
remembering. And if you understand something the chance of forgetting it
is much lower.
Hope this helps. All the best.
Dear Madam I
am studying in class 10 in a CBSE school. I am able to learn and
understand all subjects except maths. I have been working very hard for
maths for one year and yet I am not able to do it properly during exams.
I easily forget theorems and concepts, but this doesn’t happen with
other subjects. I am planning to take PCM in 11th standard. And I am
afraid - how can I study PCM if I am not able to do maths properly? I am
very interested in taking PCM. Please help me. Sudeshna
Dear Sudeshna
Again,
you are not alone in feeling intimidated by maths. Something about the
subject seems to get people to either love it or be scared of it, not
hate it! I think it has something to do with the fact that since it is a
subject in which you can score 100% marks, people feel pressured by it.
The important thing to remember is that you need to do your best and
that need not necessarily mean getting 100%. “The best” means different
things for different people – for some it may mean getting 100% and for
others it may mean getting 75%. It is for you to define what your “best”
is and then to strive to work towards your “best”, not the “best” as it
defined by someone else. Maths is also a subject which has the
potential to get most affected if you are stressed because you may end
up making a careless mistake. In any other subject a careless mistake
may mean just a wrong spelling or something small like that, but in
maths it may mean you get the whole answer wrong!
Maths is all
about effort and understanding, and not about mugging. You will find
that as soon as you are able to put your fear of maths aside, and free
up your mind space from worrying about it, you will be able to relax and
actually enjoy the subject. So don’t worry about the result. If you
make a mistake take some time to understand the mistake and learn from
it. After all what is the worst that can happen if you make a mistake?
It is just a mistake, not the end of the world, or the end of your
career, or a killer of your ambition. Sometimes we are scared of things
because we attribute more meaning and significance to them than they
actually deserve.
Hope this helps. Good luck!
Dear Madam I
am presently studying in 9th standard in a CBSE school. The reason I am
writing this is because I am really confused about what I should pursue
in the future. I am inclined towards architecture and law. Can you
please tell the other courses related to architecture and law? I am
unable to decide which course I should take. My parents are putting a
little pressure on me, especially my father. Please help me in zeroing
in on a course. Nidhi Athreya
Dear Nidhi
For a 9th
Standard student, I find you remarkably focused on your future career. I
think you still have plenty of time to decide on what your future
subjects should be because you don’t need to make your choice till the
10th is over. Unfortunately, I am not a career counsellor and so I am
not in a position to guide you on what subjects you should choose for
your career choices. However, I do feel that if you stick with the maths
and the sciences all your career options remain open for different
career choices. Also for architecture, you must have a flair for drawing
and a creative bent of mind to really excel in the field.
You
need to be able to answer for yourself as to why you have shortlisted
architecture and law? The route to both may be different in some ways
but understanding the reasons for your choice will help you in your
decision-making. Is it because those are the popular careers amongst
other members of your families? Do you know someone in those
professions? Have you been intrinsically interested in them or are you
merely following what your parents are wanting you to do? Have you done
anything outside of your regular school work which has told you that
those professions are of interest to you? It may be helpful for you to
try and intern with a lawyer and an architect over your vacations to get
a real feel for what the work entails.
Take your time to decide.
You still have time on your side so don’t limit your options right
away. The fact that you are thinking about it is creditable so now make
the best use of the time you have to explore these options while still
giving yourself the chance to make other choices as well. All the best.
[The following column written by me was published in Deccan Herald Education Supplement on September 25, 2014]
Dear Madam My
son is in the 8th standard. He is intelligent, smart and loving.
However, he is a little stubborn and unwilling to accept failure in
anything, including games. If reprimanded, he shows his unhappiness
through anger, back answering etc. He does not have any inclination to
systematic studies and is not keen to work seriously on anything. He
almost always depends on what he has heard in the first instance in
class, his intelligence and general information to deal with his
subjects. He prefers to glance through his books. He likes music, books,
general knowledge, sports and technology. I am not comfortable about
pushing him in anything, including studies, but I do not want him to be
irresponsible. We sent him to an alternative school but it did not work
out. Is there anything that he can take up according to his inclination —
something in art, drama, music — and come back to formal studies as and
when he feels like it? If he finds a career that supports him for a
reasonable living, we will be more than happy. A Parent
Dear Parent
I do not have any input on types of schools and
options for alternative careers and courses. I do have a question for
you though, and that is around your hesitation to guide him, steer him
and may be even push him a little bit. I get the sense that you feel
there is something wrong in doing that. I believe that children need to
know that there is someone in control who will let them fly on
auto-pilot, but is there for a course correction as soon as it is
needed. Children need to know that someone is in control to hold them if
things don’t go right; that someone is there to show them the path if
they need it; that someone is there to tell them when they are doing
wrong. Otherwise how do they learn to differentiate right from wrong;
good from bad? It is all very well to let them discover their path, but
with the knowledge that should they stray too far away, someone will
bring them back, rather than let them get lost in the jungle. So why are
you afraid of holding the parental reins, and maybe tugging at them
when needed? This is something for you to think about. As for your son, I
would need to hear from him in order to be able to help him find his
motivation. All the best.
Dear Madam, I
am a PUC student (PCMB). I am not able to concentrate on studies and I
get distracted very easily. I sometimes get bored of studying and ask
myself, ‘For what do we have to study — is it just for 3 meals a day?’ I
cycle to my college, which is about 5 km from home, and also to
tuitions. Even though I have nutritious food, cycling makes me very
tired and therefore I need about 8 to 9 hours of sleep. Due to this, I
am not able to study daily and the portions pile up. I get worried when a
friend says that he gets up at 3 am and is able to study because I am
not able to. During exams my hands and feet sweat a lot. I am basically a
slow writer and cannot complete the paper within the specified time. My
Maths lecturer says it is necessary to study at least 5 hours in 2nd
PUC. What can I do to overcome the above problem? Vinayak
Dear Vinayak
You
need to find your own motivation and reasons to study, as well as your
own method of studying that works for you. Don’t worry about how much
the others are studying and what your teachers are saying. You need to
figure out for yourself how much you need to do. It is not about
studying for 5-6 hours, or about getting up at 3 am. All of that is
useless if you are not concentrating and focusing on what you need to
do. One hour of focused work may actually be better than 6 hours of
distracted time-pass. I have written a lot in this column on the issue
of exam anxiety and I would urge you to read the article on
“Demystifying Exam Anxiety” on my blog http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2013/11/demystifying-exam-anxiety.html.
You
are raising some fundamental questions about why we need to study, and I
think that if you are able to answer that question for yourself
(because each one’s reasons for the need to study will be, and should
be, different), you will find the motivation that will help you to focus
and concentrate. The studying for the exams is only the path to a
larger goal. It is not your goal. So discover your goal and getting onto
the path will become easier and more enjoyable.
All the best.
Dear Madam, I read your column
regularly. I am a 2nd year PCMB student. I had become very lethargic
and was out of track from studies till January. From February, I started
working really hard as I had a lot of syllabus to complete. I had high
expectations of myself. My first paper was Chemistry. I was quite well
prepared for my exams. I do not have the tendency to forget answers
during the exams. But this time, I forgot most of the answers and did
not do my Chemistry paper well. I was very depressed. Due to this I
became seriously ill and I could not do the other papers. My ambition is
to do MBBS. Now I have wasted a year. I secured 92% in SSLC. I was the
college topper in 1st PUC. Due to this incident my confidence level has
gone down. My family members are very supportive and have asked me to
wait patiently for a year and take up higher-level medical entrance
exams like AIIMS. But I feel I wasted one year due to foolishness.
Please help me M S
Dear M S
Many of us make mistakes,
and many of us fail at various things that we try to do. That is a
reality. But whether we let that failure define us as a total failure,
or we use that failure as an opportunity to learn from our mistakes, is
our choice. You need to be able to put things in perspective. Yes, you
may have lost a year. But in the totality of life, one year is but a
small percentage. And if that year has taught you lessons in life, if on
nothing else but on how to deal with failure, and how to view failure,
then it may even be a year well spent.
So don’t worry about
failures in your path. They are mere obstacles on your running track.
You may trip over them, but you need to get up and run again, because
life is not a sprint, but a marathon. Life is not about winning the
race, but about running it well and finishing it. And in this marathon
run, the fact that you have a supportive family that is not putting you
down for your poor performance is a blessing you must not lose sight
off. Be thankful for what you have, and just focus on the long haul. A
small obstacle along the path should be viewed as just that – a small
obstacle, not a giant boulder.Good luck!
[The following column written by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education supplement on September 4, 2014]
Do not be afraid Dear Madam
I am a student of
class 10. I have been a topper in my class since childhood. I am a very
honest and sincere student. I never copy even if the answer paper is
given to me!But these days I am growing jealous of my
peers who score more than me by such unfair means, and I feel nobody has
real talent, but they just keep getting marks without any actual
knowledge. When I sit to study, sometimes this thought comes to my mind
and I get irritated and lose my interest in studying. This has posed a
great challenge to me and I am not able to come out of it. I want to
stop this habit of “jealousy” and study with a cool mind.Please help me.
A student
Dear student
I understand that you are a very
diligent and sincere student and you believe in putting in your hard
work to get the results. You don’t believe in cheating and using unfair
means and that is a great value to uphold. Ultimately, you are the one
who is gaining the learning in the process.
You cannot control
what others do and believe. You can only control your own actions and
beliefs, and live by your own values. Obviously the values of the others
don’t sit well with you which is why you are not following that path.
Remember,
you will feel happy only when you are true to yourself, and live by
values that you hold dear. The benefit in the process is that you gain
the learning which others don’t. In the short-term you may feel they are
better off because they are getting the marks without much effort. But,
remember that in the long-term (and that is what matters), you will be
richer in knowledge and have a better work ethic, and that is what will
hold you in good stead in life.
Life is not about getting better
marks than the others, it is about doing your best, and being your best
and exploiting your true potential. You are not the one who should be
getting jealous of them, they are the ones who should be jealous of you
because you will be the winner in life.Good luck!
Dear Madam,
I
am a girl studying in class 9. I have a problem connected with my
studies. The problem is not in scoring marks. I always score above 95%.
The problem is I study only at the time of my exams. During leisure time
I don’t feel like studying at all. Sometimes my mind is diverted to all
kinds of nonsense things. I do it having the knowledge that it is not
good. Later I realise that it is harming me and I stop doing that. Do I
need to practise some kind of meditation to concentrate on my studies?
Please help me through this.
PH
Dear PH
You should
feel blessed that you are able to score well with a little bit of
effort. You should celebrate this instead of feeling guilty about it.
Imagine what you will be able to achieve with some more effort.
Having
said that, it is not essential that you need to study all the time. If
you were meant to study in it, you would not call it “leisure” time. You
don’t need to feel guilty. Yes, if you are doing something harmful to
yourself, or others, you should make a course correction. Ask yourself
what you are gaining by doing that ‘nonsense’ activity. What is the
“harm” that it is causing you? What are you gaining by causing that
“harm” to yourself? When you are able to weigh the pros and cons, you
would be able to make a more informed and wiser choice.
Meditation
is proven to be helpful and these days mindfulness meditation is
gaining a lot of popularity. It can’t hurt you and can only be helpful,
so go ahead and start practicing it, anyway.All the best.
I
am a student of Class 12. I am not able to answer questions in class.
For some reason I am low on confidence. I hesitate to clear my doubts. I
cannot communicate with my teachers. When my teachers ask me questions,
I get nervous and tense. I need to overcome this fear. Please help.
A student
Dear Student
You
are not alone in having this fear. Many students have this fear. You
need to ask yourself what are you scared off? What is your worst fear?
If you ask your teacher something, what is the worst thing that can
happen? Once you are able to identify what the worst possible outcome
is, you will realise for yourself that, that is something you can
probably live with and that it need not be so scary.
For
instance, if you were to say that if you were to ask your teacher
something in class, to clarify your doubt, the worst thing that could
happen is that the teacher (or fellow students) may think you are dumb.
And they may start laughing at you. My question to you is that if they
do think you are dumb, does that mean that you are really dumb, or does
that make you dumb.
That is something you need to ask yourself.
What would make you give so much importance to their opinion of you,
that you hold yourself back on their account? If for some reason they
did end up thinking you are dumb, that does not become the reality. The
reality is whatever you believe about yourself.
The universe
just starts reflecting that. This is a relatively easy fear to overcome,
and I suggest you work with a counsellor to help you, if you are not
able to do it yourself. Remember, you need to believe in yourself and
your capabilities, and your opinion of yourself is ultimately the only
thing that matters. Don’t let others define you – define yourself! All
the best
[This column written by me was published in the Deccan Herald Education Supplement of August 12. 2014] Dear Madam,
I
finished my PUC in 2013 and secured 87%. Till I completed my 10th I was
very sure that I wanted to take up science. When I joined PUC in science
stream, I got totally confused whether I wanted to do MBBS or
engineering. I lost interest in studies and was totally unaware of the
consequences about my negligence. As a result, I didn't get a good rank
in CET. My rank was around 5,000 and I was unable to get an MBBS seat.
Then I had to be satisfied with the dental stream. But I wasn't happy.
As I belonged from a middle class family I couldn't go for a management
seat. I'm confused about what I want to do. I feel very low and am not
able to focus on dentistry. I feel like I don't have a passion and that
irritates me. I want to enjoy my field and feel happy to work in it, but
till now I couldn't recognize what it is. After speaking to my father I
feel I can be a good doctor. Now I feel guilty about my behaviour.
Please help me. I cannot change my past but at least I can make a better
future. Can you please tell me the scope of dentistry and can I be an
oral cancer surgeon as I have an interest in being a cancer surgeon.
Ashwini
Dear Ashwini
I am not a career counsellor, nor
am I an expert on various professions and their prospects. However, I am
pleased to see that you want to enjoy the field you are in and want to
do something you are passionate about. It is very important, since we
spend so many of our waking hours at work, that we enjoy our work. And I
am happy to see that you are trying to do something you enjoy, even if
it means losing a year in the process. You are right, one year lost at
this time, is not so critical, if it allows you to move to an area of
interest. You say you feel guilty about it. I am not sure what behaviour
are you guilty about? If you are guilty that you ‘wasted’ a year, I
would say that you need to put that year into the perspective of your
whole life. If that year allowed you to discover what you like, or at
least conclude what you don’t like, it is well-spent, compared to a
lifetime of misery and drudgery.All the best.
Dear Madam,
I am doing a
Diploma in Automobile Engineering in an aided institution and I’m
interested in doing BE in it. How do I prepare myself for it? And what
aggregate should I maintain? I presently have an average of about 70 and
no back logs. I completed the 2nd semester and am waiting for the
results of the 1st year. Apart from it I have some sort of
self-irritating things going on in my mind! I do go for a jog every day
but no changes. I become an easy prey to that unwanted thinking. How do I
get rid of it? I’m very optimistic about my career. Please help me.
Suhas N S
Dear Suhas
I
am not the best person to answer your questions about what course you
should do and what is the best route to get there. However, you say you
have some sort of irritating thoughts that come to you which you want to
get rid off. You are not alone in getting unwanted thoughts. All of us
get thousands of thoughts every day. They come, and they go. Some linger
on longer than others, depending on how much attention we pay to them.
The moment we say that I don’t want that thought, the thought tends to
become stronger, and stay longer, because of the attention you are
giving it. As an exercise, if I tell you not to think about a pink
elephant, you will realize that you will only think about a pink
elephant. However, if I don’t say anything, you may never think of a
pink elephant.So don’t get anxious about how to stop your unwanted
thinking, because that anxiety is just what prevents that thought from
going away. Don’t think of those thoughts as you’re enemies that you
must stop, no matter what. Instead think of them as friends that can
come and go as they please. You don’t need to give them permission to
enter, or to leave! See if this works for you, otherwise seek the help
of a counsellor who can work with you on dealing with your Automatic
Negative Thoughts (also called ANTs).All the best.
Dear Madam
I
am an above average student and I scored 86% in my 2nd PUC exams.
Unfortunately I didn't get a decent rank in CET engineering. I didn't
get my desired college and course. I waited till the last round of
online counselling where we have to give our priority list of colleges
and course. I finally got industrial engineering and management in a
fairly good college owing to my category. I want to know: 1) the scope
of the course 2) would it have been better for me to wait and write CET
in the next year 3) there is a possibility that if I can score good
marks in 1st year I can get my course changed, but the problem is I have
lost hope as my elder brother and sister are studying MBBS and I think I
have disappointed my family so I am not confident. 4) how can I bounce
back to my good old attitude?
A student Dear student
I
don’t know anything about which course is good for you, and whether it
would have been better for you to appear for the exam again. All I know
is that, your brother and sister have to make their own life, doing what
they like, and you have to make your own like, doing what you like. You
do not choose a career for the happiness of your family (i.e. parents
and siblings) but for your own personal happiness, well-being, and sense
of fulfillment. As soon as you realize that this is something you do for
yourself, and not for others you will stop feeling so pressured by it,
and you will be able to live your life again. In the meantime, if this
task is becoming too overwhelming, seek the help of a counsellor, either
personally in a face-to-face session, or by calling the Parivarthan
counselling helpline at 080-65333323 where a counsellor will help you with your challenges in a safe, confidential manner.
