[The following column written by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education Supplemt of November 28, 2013]
Dear Madam,
I am a student of Engineering (EC) III
semester now. When I was in 2nd PUC I was good in studies. I secured 90%
in PUC. But when I entered Engineering my life totally changed. I am
not able to concentrate on my studies. When I sit down to study I start
thinking of something other than studies. I don't know what has happened
to me. I have lost all hope in my life that I’ll score good marks in my
upcoming exams. In my class I had a friend. We both were good friends
when we were in 2nd semester but now I don't know what has happened to
him. He is not speaking with me properly. Because of that I am so
distracted. I am trying to forget everything about 2nd semester, but am
not able to come out of that. Switching on to my career part, I even
thought of ending my life. I am totally frustrated with my life. Earlier
I wasn't like this. I was very happy in my life, I used to laugh and
enjoy life. But now I am totally different. I want to be as I was
before. Please help me. I don't want to see my life getting ruined like
this.
Neha
Dear Neha,
I understand that you are feeling
totally lost and distracted because of the loss of friendship that you
had with one boy in your class. Your academics is suffering, you are
giving up on life, and you even considered suicide. Neha, can anyone be
more important to you than yourself? Yes, only if you do not consider
yourself important. You must have seen this quote in many places, “Don’t
make someone else a priority in life, when you are only an option in
theirs.” No one will be a constant companion in your life for you other
than yourself. People will come into your life for some time and move
on. The only person who will be with you all your life, is YOU.
So,
honour yourself. And recognise your own worth. Try and understand why
that person was so important to you that you are willing to lose
yourself in his memory. What need was he fulfilling for you? Think about
how you can fulfill that need in some other way? If you are not able to
answer these questions for yourself, I suggest you seek the help of a
counsellor who will help you work things out in a way that will make you
feel stronger and more worthy and less dependent on other people.
All the best
Dear Madam,
I
am a regular reader of counselling column in DH Education. I wish the
same helps me too. I am a 2013 fresher in ECE branch with 56%
aggregate. I have done courses in AutoCAD and OrCAD. I am interested in
doing a job in the field I have studied. Due to my percentage I find
none. My parents want me to do a course in Java, which I don't want to
do, but have agreed since I really want to work and it is my last resort
to get a job.
In case I don't find a job through that too, I intend to do Masters. But
again, I am confused to choose between MBA and M Tech. Though I have no
idea about MBA, my instincts suggest me to go ahead with the same. If I
decide to do MBA, what are the admission criteria? Which branch is
easy? Which one has more scope? Which are the top colleges for it? What
job will I end up with if I do an MBA?
I am tired of hearing
sarcastic remarks from parents about being jobless. Seeing my cousins
fare well in life is making me miserable. I avoid people and my employed
friends since they pity me. I know I have made a mistake by taking
Engineering lightly and I don't want to make the same mistake in life,
again. Please guide me.
A Student
Dear Student,
I
understand your confusion on what you should do next and how you should
go about doing something that will eventually get you a job. I am,
however, not a career counsellor, and will not be able to give you any
inputs on that aspect. However, what concerned me, was the last
paragraph of your email. I am responding to you purely about that.
I
hear you say that because you have not been able to find a job, you are
feeling worthless; so much so that now you do not even like to meet any
of your family and friends because you don't have a job. You are
feeling embarrassed about it and shying away. You are also feeling
jealous or envious of your cousins who are all doing well. Maybe, that
is also putting some pressure on you. You regret not having focussed
enough on your studies till now, and are looking for ways to set right,
or restrict the damage done.
Here, I want to remind you about a few things:
* Success in life does not depend only on your marks in exams. In fact,
marks can’t do anything more than open a few doors for you. Success in
life depends mostly on other factors like self-confidence, communication
skills, ability to work with others, ability to lead a team,
creativity, problem-solving skills, ability to think out of the box,
etc. Marks do not even figure as a factor. Not having marks does not
mean that you cannot be successful.
* You need to arrive at your own
definition of success, not accept a definition that has been thrust upon
you by your parents, or friends, or other significant people. So take
some time to define your own idea of success.
* Your current goal
seems to be getting a job. Unfortunately, merely getting a job should
not be the goal. Getting a job can merely be a stepping stone towards an
ultimate larger goal. After all, you want a job that will be
fulfilling and that will help you go closer towards your definition of
success.
* To aid you in this process you must have a clear
understanding of your own strengths and weaknesses, so that you can gain
strength from your strengths, and you can accept yourself with all your
weaknesses. You could choose to overcome some of those weaknesses, and
you can choose to live with some of the others. To aid you in this
process, it may be helpful for you to take the help of a counsellor, or
some other trusted adult. Your goal should be to help you define and
accept yourself, and then go forward in the world with confidence and a
'can do' attitude.
Thursday, 28 November 2013
Thursday, 14 November 2013
Demystifying exam anxiety
[The following article by me appeared in the November 14. 2013 issue of Deccan Herald]
Everyone experiences some anxiety related to exams. A little bit can be helpful and make you mentally alert for the challenge. However, excessive fear makes it hard to concentrate and makes you struggle to recall things. Exam-related anxiety is a psychological condition in which people experience extreme anticipatory, situational or evaluation anxiety in testing situations. Like everything else, it has a physiological, behavioral, cognitive and emotional component.
Physiological symptoms
The severity of exam-related anxiety can vary from having mere "butterflies" in your stomach to difficulty in concentrating. Some might experience a racing heartbeat, shakiness, a feeling of fear or may simply blank out. Others may feel nauseous, short of breath, or have a full-blown panic attack. Other symptoms include headaches, stomach aches, diarrhea, excessive sweating, light-headedness and dry mouth.
The physiological symptoms can be many, and you may not always be willing to acknowledge that those symptoms have anything to do with your anxiety. 25-40% of all students experience some form of exam-related anxiety, which has a consistently negative relationship with performance. Exam-anxious students perform about 12 percent below their non-anxious peers.
Faulty cognitions
At the root of all anxiety is fear which threatens your security and stability. While fear is designed to warn you of real danger, it’s only sometimes that the danger is indeed real! Inferior performance arises not because of intellectual problems or poor preparation, but because anxiety of testing situations disrupts attention and memory functioning.
Unhelpful thought processes catastrophise potential outcomes, and result in a fear of failure, feelings of inadequacy, self-condemnation, negative self-talk, unrealistic expectations and perfectionist tendencies, seeing the marks as an ultimate goal, instead of merely a stepping stone to a larger goal.
If your conversation with yourself is as follows, you could have a faulty belief system which causes your anxiety. “If I don’t do well in the exams…
…I’ll be a failure.”
…my parents will be disappointed with me.”
…my friends won’t like me; my teachers will think I’m dumb.”
…I’ll let my teachers down.”
…I won’t be good enough. I can’t make a mistake. I always have to do well and be right.”
Parents are often a source of pressure, especially when they place more emphasis on marks than on the effort being made. This results in greater worry, irrelevant thoughts, and a strong fear of failure. Anxiety may also be because you think you may confirm a negative stereotype about your entire social group. Or you may be too concerned about the positive or negative labeling by others.
Exam-related anxiety results in several different emotions, ranging from depression, anger, and hopelessness, lack of confidence, inadequacy, demotivation, fear, and low self-esteem. The low self-esteem makes you equate your worth to the marks you get.
Behavioural manifestations
You get easily distracted; you experience difficulty with comprehending relatively simple instructions, and have trouble organizing or recalling relevant information. You tend to procrastinate and be disorganized about your time and work, and have inadequate study and test-taking skills.
Restructure your thoughts
Restructuring one’s thoughts is the most important component of tackling exam-related anxiety. It is critical to change your attitude and think positively.
Use strategies to personalise your success for yourself and visualise what success looks like for you. Use self-talks to concretise it. Write about it in a journal. Do whatever it takes to make it concrete in your mind.
* Engage in thought-stopping Every time you start going down the spiral of negative thoughts, hold yourself. Snap a rubber-band on your wrist, pinch yourself, or do something that will snap you out of it. As you anticipate the exam, think positively; for example, "I can do well in this exam. I have studied and know my stuff."
* Do not overplay the importance of your marks. They’re not a measure of your worth, nor a guarantor of your future success.
Avoid thinking of yourself in an ‘all or nothing’ way – either as a total success, or as a complete failure. Give yourself positive acknowledgement for what you’ve done, and for doing your best.
* Name your fear, concretise it, and then do not think about it. Instead keep on the task, step by step. Expect some anxiety. It gives you the energy to do your best. Just keep it manageable.
Remember that anxiety can become a ‘habit’. Most people think anxiety is something happening to them rather than something they are creating. Take responsibility for investing in anxiety-provoking thoughts and reactions, and allowing negative projections to control you. This is not easy but it is doable.
* Remember, failure is always an event, never a person. Your parents may be disappointed with your performance, but they will still love you.
Your friends like you for who you are, not for your marks. And, if they like you only for your marks, they are not friends worth having. Your teachers may think you’re dumb, but that doesn’t make it the reality.
Your marks are your business. If anything, you let yourself down, not anyone else. Making a mistake isn’t a crime. You can make a mistake sometimes. That gives you an opportunity to learn.
Behavioural strategies
* Focus on your study skills. Put in your best effort. Being well prepared helps minimise your rational anxiety. Do not fall into the trap of last minute cramming. Take a step-by-step approach and do not get overwhelmed.
Break-up each major task into smaller goals; acknowledge yourself on achieving each goal. Manage your time – don’t procrastinate; minimise distractions; organise your material so you have everything you need when you need it; make and stick to a schedule; include self-testing; use mind maps and aids to memory; review previous tests and learn from past mistakes.
* Do not neglect your basic biological, emotional, and social needs. Think of yourself as a total person – not just a test taker. Adopt a healthy lifestyle; eat nutritious food, get enough sleep, do enough exercise, get personal downtime, have social interaction, and practice relaxation regularly.
Follow a moderate study pace, and vary your work and take breaks. Once you feel you are adequately prepared, relax. Avoid speaking with peers who express negativity. Organise yourself the night before and get enough sleep otherwise you won’t be able to function optimally.
On exam day
* Eat a healthy meal; take a healthy snack.
* Get to the exam in good time, allowing time for things that need to be done.
* Don’t talk to others before the exam if that increases your anxiety.
* When papers are distributed, calm yourself by taking slow deep breaths.
* Read instructions carefully; budget your time.
* If the exam is more difficult than you anticipated, focus on doing your best. It might be enough to get you through with a reasonable grade. If you go blank, skip the question.
* Focus only on that exam, not on what others are doing or on thinking about past exams or future goals. Don't panic when students start handing in their papers – there’s no reward for finishing first.
* If you’re anxious during the exam, calm yourself. Use relaxation techniques -stretch your arms and legs and relax them a few times. Take slow deep breaths. Do some positive internal self-talk. Remember you’re in control.
When the exam is over, treat yourself. If you don't have other commitments, take the night off.
If you have other exams, postpone a larger break, but a brief break may be just the "pick up" you need.
Also, review what worked, and build on those strategies, no matter how small they may be. They’re building blocks to your success. List what didn’t work well, and don’t follow those methods again. Celebrate that you’re on the road to overcoming your exam-related anxiety.
Thursday, 7 November 2013
Visualise Your Dreams - Ask Your Counsellor Q&A column
[The following column answered by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education Supplement of November 7, 2013]
Dear Madam,
I'm studying 2nd PUC (science-PCMC). I was a bright student when I was in my primary school and was able to achieve more than 90% in my exams. But as the days passed i.e. in my high school, my performance dropped and I got 82 percent in my CBSE exam. Friends was not a problem at all. All were toppers in my group except me. Later on this became even more worse and I got 61% in my first PUC and I truly feel my performance is decreasing even more this year. To be honest, I had good concentration in the beginning but as I cleared my high school and PUC my concentration and interest towards studies kept decreasing every year. I'm very worried about this. When I sit to study, I get the feeling of doing something in life but that momentum is only there for about half an hour. I get distracted very easily. I think "I will do it after sometime" and ultimately the day passes. That leads to studying the whole lesson a day before the exams which I don't want to happen. I really want to get out of this mess. I really want to prove myself. My parents have great hopes on me and they encourage me pretty well. Their words pump me up for the day but that is gone as the day passes. And by the way, I go to tutorials. I find organic chemistry and physics numericals tough; the other subjects are pretty manageable. I take more time than an average student to study. I don't have any problems with languages or with computer science.
I think time management, concentration, determination and hard work have been a major concern for me. I think if I mend my ways, I’ll be on my track but I don’t know how to. I have a very busy schedule on all the days and barely get time to study. I get a day off on Thursday from my tutorials and I'm free for half a day on Sunday. On the rest of the days, I approximately get 5 hours of leisure and the day is very tiring. I think I'm cheating myself and indirectly my parents. I say things but do not implement them. I have the right amount of confidence but don't know how to overcome my problems. Any suggestion on this would be helpful. I intend to do civil engineering in the future.
Thanks
G.N. SAI SWAROOP
Dear Sai Swaroop
I think you need to spend sometime identifying your passion and your dreams. You say you want to do civil engineering. That, by itself, cannot be your end goal. Studying civil engineering can only be a means to an end. What do you want to do in life, for which you view civil engineering as a stepping stone? What is that future that you dream of? Visualize it. Concretize it as much as possible. Then break it down into smaller achievable goals. Maybe you don’t see your current work as being a stepping stone towards that ultimate goal. You need to be able to understand for yourself how this fits into your own long-term goals. That will help you find your motivation.
There is no substitute for hard-work, diligence, and putting in your best effort. Sometimes we are unable to find the motivation for this because the goals and dreams we are pursuing are not our own, but those of our parents or friends or other people in our lives. You say you want to prove yourself. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone other than yourself. And, remember, the benefits of your hard work and diligence will also come to none other than yourself.
Also, identify the source of your distraction and inability to concentrate. Is it fear of failure, or anxiety about the outcome? Is it some distracting event or person? Is it your inability to comprehend and understand the subject? Is it peer pressure?
Maybe you should start a system of rewarding yourself every time you are able to pull back from being distracted and stay focussed and on track. Such things often help in behavior change over time.
The good thing is that you are aware that your current behavior is not helpful and you want to change it. Getting to that point is often the biggest hurdle. Once you are there I am sure you will find your own ways of overcoming it.
All the best
Dear Ma’am
I am a student of class IX CBSE in Kendriya Vidyalaya. Around 6 months ago I shifted from Tamil Nadu to Karnataka. Here I am not satisfied with anything. The only thing I feel is disappointment. I used to score above 95%, now I hardly score over 85%. My interest over studies is mostly disappeared. I am always distracted. Apart from studies I used to play over 2 hrs daily but here I lack such facilities (playground). I simply waste my thinking of my peer group, my school, my best times and sometimes I feel so disappointed that I even cry for hours together. I just feel I won’t survive this competition. Please direct me to a better future.
A Student
Dear Student
I understand that you are really struggling to adapt to the changes in a new environment. You are missing your old school and old friends. You are missing the fact that academically you used to do really well there. You are missing the fact that you had an opportunity to play there and you don’t have that here. Change is hard for everyone, but some change in life is inevitable. If you learn to embrace change you would have learnt an invaluable life lesson, because the only thing constant in life is that things will change. You will you remember your ‘good times’ in Chennai, remember them with a fondness and nostalgia and tell yourself it is now time for you to move on to different things - different opportunities, different friends, different places. The reason you are finding it hard is because you are resisting change and viewing it as something bad. Instead embrace it and view it as an opening of new doors for you. You will be amazed at the difference your ‘thinking’ will make to your ‘feeling’ about the change. In life, when one door closes, another one always opens. Sometimes, you just need to look a little harder for it.
So embrace change and let the doors open for you.
All the best
Dear Madam,
I am a correspondence MBA student. I am also working in a firm. From my school days I have been a very silent person. I want to talk to everyone & mingle with them, but cannot. I do talk individually with each person, but do not talk when I am within a group of people or in a team at my office. I do not know whether it is an inferiority complex or low confidence. I also feel that people ignore to talk to me & do not recognize me at all. Please help me to overcome this problem.
Thanks,
Dear....
Firstly, I get a sense from your letter that in your mind being a ‘silent’ person is somehow not okay, or a sign of inferiority. That is absolutely not the case and if you are comfortable with your silence it is not a problem at all. It takes all kinds of people to make the world. Some are just more quiet than the others.
Having said that, if you are feeling that you are not comfortable with the fact that you are silent in a group, and you feel it is because of a sense of inferiority or insecurity on your part, then I suggest you have a few sessions of counselling. This will help you identify and overcome the fears that are holding you back. It will also help you build your self esteem. People tend to reflect back to you what you feel about yourself. If you feel inferior, you will feel that people are treating you in a way that shows you are in deed inferior. Counselling can help you address that very effectively. So take the first step to helping yourself along this journey. You owe it to yourself.
All the best
Dear Madam
I am a student of class 10. Previously I was interested in opting for Science after 10th but now I am much more interested in opting for Arts. My parents are not happy with my decision as all of my cousins had taken Science. They have told me that I need to tell them what I am going to do in my life as they don’t think if there is any future in arts. I don’t know much about streams which I can opt for after my PU as I had been researching about engineering. I want to go for film making and choreography. I like to study about human behavior too. I also dream of becoming a politician one day but I don’t want to tell that to my parents as they hate politics and feel that one needs to be corrupt to become one. I would first like to become a professional filmmaker and choreographer. I request you to tell me what I can take for these two so that I can give my parents a clear reply and the stream I should take for pursuing higher studies in political science in later life.
A student.
Dear Student
Unfortunately I am not a career counsellor and have no capability to guide you about what courses you should take. I think you would benefit from getting some career counselling to help you match your interests, abilities and strengths to career options. Since you have a wide range of options in front of you, you may do well to get some formal guidance about it.
I agree that you should take subjects that you are interested in, not just those that your parents tell you to take or those that your cousins took. However, it may serve you well to visualize your end career goal, and then choose your subjects merely as a stepping stone towards achieving that goal.
Your parents are right in being concerned about what you want to do. However, you should not take this ‘you’ vs. ‘them’ approach. Try and engage them in the process of helping you choose your career path, and therefore your subjects. Ultimately they want what is best for you, and the more clarity you have about your path the more comfortable they will feel with your choices.
All the best.
Dear Madam,
I'm studying 2nd PUC (science-PCMC). I was a bright student when I was in my primary school and was able to achieve more than 90% in my exams. But as the days passed i.e. in my high school, my performance dropped and I got 82 percent in my CBSE exam. Friends was not a problem at all. All were toppers in my group except me. Later on this became even more worse and I got 61% in my first PUC and I truly feel my performance is decreasing even more this year. To be honest, I had good concentration in the beginning but as I cleared my high school and PUC my concentration and interest towards studies kept decreasing every year. I'm very worried about this. When I sit to study, I get the feeling of doing something in life but that momentum is only there for about half an hour. I get distracted very easily. I think "I will do it after sometime" and ultimately the day passes. That leads to studying the whole lesson a day before the exams which I don't want to happen. I really want to get out of this mess. I really want to prove myself. My parents have great hopes on me and they encourage me pretty well. Their words pump me up for the day but that is gone as the day passes. And by the way, I go to tutorials. I find organic chemistry and physics numericals tough; the other subjects are pretty manageable. I take more time than an average student to study. I don't have any problems with languages or with computer science.
I think time management, concentration, determination and hard work have been a major concern for me. I think if I mend my ways, I’ll be on my track but I don’t know how to. I have a very busy schedule on all the days and barely get time to study. I get a day off on Thursday from my tutorials and I'm free for half a day on Sunday. On the rest of the days, I approximately get 5 hours of leisure and the day is very tiring. I think I'm cheating myself and indirectly my parents. I say things but do not implement them. I have the right amount of confidence but don't know how to overcome my problems. Any suggestion on this would be helpful. I intend to do civil engineering in the future.
Thanks
G.N. SAI SWAROOP
Dear Sai Swaroop
I think you need to spend sometime identifying your passion and your dreams. You say you want to do civil engineering. That, by itself, cannot be your end goal. Studying civil engineering can only be a means to an end. What do you want to do in life, for which you view civil engineering as a stepping stone? What is that future that you dream of? Visualize it. Concretize it as much as possible. Then break it down into smaller achievable goals. Maybe you don’t see your current work as being a stepping stone towards that ultimate goal. You need to be able to understand for yourself how this fits into your own long-term goals. That will help you find your motivation.
There is no substitute for hard-work, diligence, and putting in your best effort. Sometimes we are unable to find the motivation for this because the goals and dreams we are pursuing are not our own, but those of our parents or friends or other people in our lives. You say you want to prove yourself. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone other than yourself. And, remember, the benefits of your hard work and diligence will also come to none other than yourself.
Also, identify the source of your distraction and inability to concentrate. Is it fear of failure, or anxiety about the outcome? Is it some distracting event or person? Is it your inability to comprehend and understand the subject? Is it peer pressure?
Maybe you should start a system of rewarding yourself every time you are able to pull back from being distracted and stay focussed and on track. Such things often help in behavior change over time.
The good thing is that you are aware that your current behavior is not helpful and you want to change it. Getting to that point is often the biggest hurdle. Once you are there I am sure you will find your own ways of overcoming it.
All the best
Dear Ma’am
I am a student of class IX CBSE in Kendriya Vidyalaya. Around 6 months ago I shifted from Tamil Nadu to Karnataka. Here I am not satisfied with anything. The only thing I feel is disappointment. I used to score above 95%, now I hardly score over 85%. My interest over studies is mostly disappeared. I am always distracted. Apart from studies I used to play over 2 hrs daily but here I lack such facilities (playground). I simply waste my thinking of my peer group, my school, my best times and sometimes I feel so disappointed that I even cry for hours together. I just feel I won’t survive this competition. Please direct me to a better future.
A Student
Dear Student
I understand that you are really struggling to adapt to the changes in a new environment. You are missing your old school and old friends. You are missing the fact that academically you used to do really well there. You are missing the fact that you had an opportunity to play there and you don’t have that here. Change is hard for everyone, but some change in life is inevitable. If you learn to embrace change you would have learnt an invaluable life lesson, because the only thing constant in life is that things will change. You will you remember your ‘good times’ in Chennai, remember them with a fondness and nostalgia and tell yourself it is now time for you to move on to different things - different opportunities, different friends, different places. The reason you are finding it hard is because you are resisting change and viewing it as something bad. Instead embrace it and view it as an opening of new doors for you. You will be amazed at the difference your ‘thinking’ will make to your ‘feeling’ about the change. In life, when one door closes, another one always opens. Sometimes, you just need to look a little harder for it.
So embrace change and let the doors open for you.
All the best
Dear Madam,
I am a correspondence MBA student. I am also working in a firm. From my school days I have been a very silent person. I want to talk to everyone & mingle with them, but cannot. I do talk individually with each person, but do not talk when I am within a group of people or in a team at my office. I do not know whether it is an inferiority complex or low confidence. I also feel that people ignore to talk to me & do not recognize me at all. Please help me to overcome this problem.
Thanks,
Dear....
Firstly, I get a sense from your letter that in your mind being a ‘silent’ person is somehow not okay, or a sign of inferiority. That is absolutely not the case and if you are comfortable with your silence it is not a problem at all. It takes all kinds of people to make the world. Some are just more quiet than the others.
Having said that, if you are feeling that you are not comfortable with the fact that you are silent in a group, and you feel it is because of a sense of inferiority or insecurity on your part, then I suggest you have a few sessions of counselling. This will help you identify and overcome the fears that are holding you back. It will also help you build your self esteem. People tend to reflect back to you what you feel about yourself. If you feel inferior, you will feel that people are treating you in a way that shows you are in deed inferior. Counselling can help you address that very effectively. So take the first step to helping yourself along this journey. You owe it to yourself.
All the best
Dear Madam
I am a student of class 10. Previously I was interested in opting for Science after 10th but now I am much more interested in opting for Arts. My parents are not happy with my decision as all of my cousins had taken Science. They have told me that I need to tell them what I am going to do in my life as they don’t think if there is any future in arts. I don’t know much about streams which I can opt for after my PU as I had been researching about engineering. I want to go for film making and choreography. I like to study about human behavior too. I also dream of becoming a politician one day but I don’t want to tell that to my parents as they hate politics and feel that one needs to be corrupt to become one. I would first like to become a professional filmmaker and choreographer. I request you to tell me what I can take for these two so that I can give my parents a clear reply and the stream I should take for pursuing higher studies in political science in later life.
A student.
Dear Student
Unfortunately I am not a career counsellor and have no capability to guide you about what courses you should take. I think you would benefit from getting some career counselling to help you match your interests, abilities and strengths to career options. Since you have a wide range of options in front of you, you may do well to get some formal guidance about it.
I agree that you should take subjects that you are interested in, not just those that your parents tell you to take or those that your cousins took. However, it may serve you well to visualize your end career goal, and then choose your subjects merely as a stepping stone towards achieving that goal.
Your parents are right in being concerned about what you want to do. However, you should not take this ‘you’ vs. ‘them’ approach. Try and engage them in the process of helping you choose your career path, and therefore your subjects. Ultimately they want what is best for you, and the more clarity you have about your path the more comfortable they will feel with your choices.
All the best.
Thursday, 17 October 2013
Setting patterns right - Ask our counsellor Q&A column
[The following column written by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education Supplement of October 17, 2013]
Dear Madam,
I am a first year medical student awaiting my results. I have done badly and am afraid of failing but this isn't my only problem. I believe I have many problems that are affecting my overall personality and general well being. I have issues with self confidence leading to constant underachievement. People around me believe in me and are more confident of me than I myself am.
I was sent to a simple school by my parents. The school did not provide anything to encourage students and my parents didn't also spend a lot of money. The school had twenty students in class X, so there wasn't much exposure and around the board exams all my teachers were confident of me and expected me to get 95% but I never aimed very high. I always have the problem of mixing with people of wrong group - A group that says it doesn't matter how many marks you get, "the lazy group". I never really worked hard. I ended with 89%. My teachers were disappointed but I felt it was OK. Things got worse in Class XII. Again I mixed with the wrong group, wasted time and again studied only on the day of my exam. I still managed to score 80%.
My biggest problems are lack of self confidence, motivation and focus. I always tend to mess up in the exams that really matter. I do well in all my internals but mess up the board paper. This has been going on since Class X. There hasn't been a single paper I have written with self confidence and the right frame of mind. I still did well and managed to score 700th rank in KCET but again the underachievement problem and that of messing up when it actually matters crept up. I went to a coaching center for the two years of PUC.
In Class XI, I was given a certificate for getting the best marks but with the same group of students in Class XII, in the exam that actually mattered, I messed up -The reason being my under-confidence. I solved all the Physics problems but didn't shade them in the OMR sheet as I was not sure (people usually double check, I check four times and I am still not confident or at least I think so). Just then I realized that there were only five minutes left and I couldn't shade in all the answers and got 700th rank when people expected much more from me. Please help.
Also if I fail to clear a paper in the first attempt in MBBS, what is the procedure for my re-exam and will this affect my PG chances or the PG entrance exam, please explain.
Thank you.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I am happy that you are self-reflecting and are able to identify some patterns in your life that are repeating themselves to your disadvantage. That is half the battle won, because awareness of harmful patterns is the most difficult step. Once you are aware of them you will be able to change them if you set your mind to it. I think it would really help you to go in for some face-to-face counseling sessions, if you have access to a counselor. There is only so much that can be written about your concerns in this column.
I don’t have answers to your questions about the medical college examination system. However, I would like to ask you what would have happened if you had only double-checked your answers and allowed some mistakes to creep in? What were you afraid off? Sometimes perfectionism comes at a price that is too high and not worth the lost opportunity. Why do you doubt yourself and behave in self-sabotaging ways? What is your perception of yourself, and is it this self-perception that you are trying to live-down to by not putting in your best effort? How did you get this ‘not so high’ self-perception? Are you anxious and stressed about the exams that ‘really matter’ that hold you back from performing to your potential in them? These are questions you must reflect on with the help of a counselor, or another trusted adult, so that you can change the patterns that are blocking your success.
Good Luck!
Dear Madam,
My son Faazil, aged 10 years, is studying in Class V in a good school in RT Nagar. He is an above average student who scored 75% in Class IV. In June he had an attack of Typhoid and was irregular to school for sometime. After that he refused to go to school. He says that his teacher beats him.
Any amount of cajoling and forcing has not helped. Till date he has not attended school and refuses to go. My younger son also is studying in the same school and he has no problem with the teachers. Please advise and help us in solving this problem and to continue my son's schooling.
Amina Talath
Dear Amina,
I think you should seek the help of a counselor to understand what is bothering your son. Sometimes the reasons are not apparent to parents, either because we do not listen or because we do not want to listen to what is being said. Or sometimes children are too scared to tell us what is really bothering them, for the fear of consequences they may face. It is important to get the help of an impartial and safe third party who can help you here. Please do this at the earliest. Please realize that both your children are two separate individuals and just because one does not have a problem does not mean that the other should not have a problem. Obviously something is bothering him.
It could be fear of failure after having missed so many classes, loss of friends in the mean time or some inappropriate behavior by either the children or the adults in the school. If he says his teacher is beating him you need to investigate that further and not just brush it off. That is a very legitimate reason for him not to want to go, and you would need to support him to deal with it.
All the best
Dear Madam
My daughter is average in studies but otherwise intelligent. She joined BE (CS) last year. In the 2nd semester she couldn't clear 5 subjects, hence was laid back. With permission she attended classes for the 3rd semester after applying for revaluation. Still she could not sail through. For a long time she has been interested in interior designing courses.
Meanwhile we made her attend a memory enhancement course, which she enjoyed. She even took a further advanced course in the same. Now she is not interested in continuing with her degree. Instead she wants to join a course in Interior Designing. Now that the admission process is almost over and classes have lapsed for more than 2 months, we are in a dilemma that she will lose one academic year.
A mother
Dear Mother,
I think your daughter is the one who should be driving this decision. Ultimately it is her career and her life and she needs to take charge of it. She needs to understand the pros and cons of both her paths - continuing with her degree and moving to interior designing. Clearly if a person is ‘allowed’ to make a career out of something they are passionate about, life is more enjoyable and less of a drag. If one has to spend a whole day working in a field one does not enjoy, the pleasure of working gets taken away and it merely becomes a means to making ends meet.
Also you need to be able to put the loss of one academic year in the perspective of one’s whole life. One year now (which need not be lost but can be used to enhance other soft and life skills) vs a life time of doing something one does not enjoy. As in any investment, often it is better to cut your losses and move on, rather than being stuck with a dead investment. The same holds true for life.
Dear Madam,
I am a first year medical student awaiting my results. I have done badly and am afraid of failing but this isn't my only problem. I believe I have many problems that are affecting my overall personality and general well being. I have issues with self confidence leading to constant underachievement. People around me believe in me and are more confident of me than I myself am.
I was sent to a simple school by my parents. The school did not provide anything to encourage students and my parents didn't also spend a lot of money. The school had twenty students in class X, so there wasn't much exposure and around the board exams all my teachers were confident of me and expected me to get 95% but I never aimed very high. I always have the problem of mixing with people of wrong group - A group that says it doesn't matter how many marks you get, "the lazy group". I never really worked hard. I ended with 89%. My teachers were disappointed but I felt it was OK. Things got worse in Class XII. Again I mixed with the wrong group, wasted time and again studied only on the day of my exam. I still managed to score 80%.
My biggest problems are lack of self confidence, motivation and focus. I always tend to mess up in the exams that really matter. I do well in all my internals but mess up the board paper. This has been going on since Class X. There hasn't been a single paper I have written with self confidence and the right frame of mind. I still did well and managed to score 700th rank in KCET but again the underachievement problem and that of messing up when it actually matters crept up. I went to a coaching center for the two years of PUC.
In Class XI, I was given a certificate for getting the best marks but with the same group of students in Class XII, in the exam that actually mattered, I messed up -The reason being my under-confidence. I solved all the Physics problems but didn't shade them in the OMR sheet as I was not sure (people usually double check, I check four times and I am still not confident or at least I think so). Just then I realized that there were only five minutes left and I couldn't shade in all the answers and got 700th rank when people expected much more from me. Please help.
Also if I fail to clear a paper in the first attempt in MBBS, what is the procedure for my re-exam and will this affect my PG chances or the PG entrance exam, please explain.
Thank you.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I am happy that you are self-reflecting and are able to identify some patterns in your life that are repeating themselves to your disadvantage. That is half the battle won, because awareness of harmful patterns is the most difficult step. Once you are aware of them you will be able to change them if you set your mind to it. I think it would really help you to go in for some face-to-face counseling sessions, if you have access to a counselor. There is only so much that can be written about your concerns in this column.
I don’t have answers to your questions about the medical college examination system. However, I would like to ask you what would have happened if you had only double-checked your answers and allowed some mistakes to creep in? What were you afraid off? Sometimes perfectionism comes at a price that is too high and not worth the lost opportunity. Why do you doubt yourself and behave in self-sabotaging ways? What is your perception of yourself, and is it this self-perception that you are trying to live-down to by not putting in your best effort? How did you get this ‘not so high’ self-perception? Are you anxious and stressed about the exams that ‘really matter’ that hold you back from performing to your potential in them? These are questions you must reflect on with the help of a counselor, or another trusted adult, so that you can change the patterns that are blocking your success.
Good Luck!
Dear Madam,
My son Faazil, aged 10 years, is studying in Class V in a good school in RT Nagar. He is an above average student who scored 75% in Class IV. In June he had an attack of Typhoid and was irregular to school for sometime. After that he refused to go to school. He says that his teacher beats him.
Any amount of cajoling and forcing has not helped. Till date he has not attended school and refuses to go. My younger son also is studying in the same school and he has no problem with the teachers. Please advise and help us in solving this problem and to continue my son's schooling.
Amina Talath
Dear Amina,
I think you should seek the help of a counselor to understand what is bothering your son. Sometimes the reasons are not apparent to parents, either because we do not listen or because we do not want to listen to what is being said. Or sometimes children are too scared to tell us what is really bothering them, for the fear of consequences they may face. It is important to get the help of an impartial and safe third party who can help you here. Please do this at the earliest. Please realize that both your children are two separate individuals and just because one does not have a problem does not mean that the other should not have a problem. Obviously something is bothering him.
It could be fear of failure after having missed so many classes, loss of friends in the mean time or some inappropriate behavior by either the children or the adults in the school. If he says his teacher is beating him you need to investigate that further and not just brush it off. That is a very legitimate reason for him not to want to go, and you would need to support him to deal with it.
All the best
Dear Madam
My daughter is average in studies but otherwise intelligent. She joined BE (CS) last year. In the 2nd semester she couldn't clear 5 subjects, hence was laid back. With permission she attended classes for the 3rd semester after applying for revaluation. Still she could not sail through. For a long time she has been interested in interior designing courses.
Meanwhile we made her attend a memory enhancement course, which she enjoyed. She even took a further advanced course in the same. Now she is not interested in continuing with her degree. Instead she wants to join a course in Interior Designing. Now that the admission process is almost over and classes have lapsed for more than 2 months, we are in a dilemma that she will lose one academic year.
A mother
Dear Mother,
I think your daughter is the one who should be driving this decision. Ultimately it is her career and her life and she needs to take charge of it. She needs to understand the pros and cons of both her paths - continuing with her degree and moving to interior designing. Clearly if a person is ‘allowed’ to make a career out of something they are passionate about, life is more enjoyable and less of a drag. If one has to spend a whole day working in a field one does not enjoy, the pleasure of working gets taken away and it merely becomes a means to making ends meet.
Also you need to be able to put the loss of one academic year in the perspective of one’s whole life. One year now (which need not be lost but can be used to enhance other soft and life skills) vs a life time of doing something one does not enjoy. As in any investment, often it is better to cut your losses and move on, rather than being stuck with a dead investment. The same holds true for life.
Thursday, 26 September 2013
Identify your strengths - Ask our counsellor Q&A column
[The following column written by me was published in the Deccan Herald Education supplement of September 25, 2013]
Dear Madam,
I am a student of class X studying in a residential school. I feel that I am turning out to be inferior. In my previous classes, I was bold enough to face the public in competitions or other activities. However, now I hesitate to open up my ideas. I even hesitate to speak out certain correct things in front of my teachers. This has led me to develop an inferiority complex. Nowadays my voice shivers, whenever I speak to the public in certain competitions. Most of my classmates tease me whenever my voice shivers. I feel ashamed. So please help me.Yashaswini
Dear Yashaswini,
I understand that you are feeling you are not good enough and are faced with self-doubt and this is stopping you from expressing your opinion, either in class or on stage. You also think your friends are teasing you because of this. I want you to make an attempt at understanding what your fear is. What in your opinion is the worst thing that could happen if you did express your opinion, or if you did falter while speaking on stage? Once you are able to name your fear you will be able to address it.
Also, you must understand all your strengths and recognize your weaknesses. Those friends who laugh at you also have their weaknesses. They are not perfect, and neither are you. Why don’t you let them know how you feel when they laugh at you? Being open about your feelings gives you strength to face situations. For instance, if you are nervous before a speech on stage, and you go up on the podium and in the first line or two mention about how making this speech is a very scary experience for you, you will find that you don’t then need to ‘pretend’ to be ‘brave’. You will understand that it is okay and normal to be scared, and one can overcome it.
But more than anything else, I want you to believe in yourself. Write down a list of all your strengths, and acknowledge them to yourself. Then make a list of your weaknesses, understand that everyone has weaknesses, see which ones you want to overcome and which ones you are comfortable living with. And then go ahead and overcome them. In this process take the help of a trusted adult you can work with. Better still work with a counselor.
All the best
Dear Ma’am,
I am a Class IX CBSE student studying in Kendriya Vidyalaya. Recently I have changed the section and I am facing an inconvenience. I was the topper in my previous classes. After changing the section, I am feeling I can't cope up because of the competition. All the toppers of the other sections are in my section and I feel inferior amongst them. I want to gain my confidence back.
A student
Dear student,
The important thing is not to try to be the topper all the time, but to perform to the best of your ability and to put in your best effort to achieve your potential. Being the topper among a class of mediocre students does not help you achieve your potential in life as much as being amongst a group of bright students who are all striving to achieve their best. This kind of positive peer pressure helps you reduce the gap between your performance and your potential because it forces you to push yourself. Don’t view this as a failure because you are not topping now. Instead, view it as an opportunity that is allowing you to push yourself to succeed. Because ultimately success in life will not come because you topped in your 9th grade, or 10th grade, but because you learnt the important life lesson of pushing yourself and putting in your best effort. Success is not about getting the highest marks in any given group.
Success is about driving yourself to do the best you can. It is about doing better than you did the last time, not necessarily about doing better than everyone else. Use yourself as a benchmark, and let the class drive you to your potential. The moment you shift the benchmark of performance from the rest of the class, to yourself and your previous performance, your focus will change. The marks you get only make a point to others, which is not important. Your effort makes a point to yourself, which is the only thing that matters.
Don’t base your confidence on what others are getting. Don’t view others’ marks as a deterrent - instead view them as a driver and a motivator that will narrow the gap between your performance and your effort.
Hope this helps. All the best
Dear Ma’am,
I am Likitha of class 12. I am an average student (70%) but in 10th I got good marks (90%). I had a wonderful set of friends, but I changed my college even though I didn’t want to, because of my parents’ pressure. In the new college also I made friends but they are not so close like my old friends. And here I don’t know why I have lost interest in studies. Before, at least I used to open my books but now even if I do so, after sometime I feel sleepy, or else I loose interest and close my books. I plan to study each day, but I keep thinking I will do it after some time and the day will be gone. With my own interest I took PCMB. I wanted to become a doctor. I know it is not so easy but seeing my marks I have lost confidence. My mom wanted me to take commerce and now she scolds me saying, “If you can’t, why did you take science?” There are only a few months left for my board exams. I am scared about my future. Please help me.
Likitha
Dear Likitha,
I notice that you are already speaking in past tense about your desire to become a doctor, as though it is something that is already not possible. I urge you not to give up your dreams so easily. But make sure it is something you want to do, and not something you are pursuing only to prove yourself to your parents (or anyone else). I also notice that you are labelling yourself as ‘average’ and are surprised by your performance in the 10th. Labels are very dangerous and we tend to live up to the labels we give ourselves. If you consider yourself as ‘average’ you will tend to fulfill that label for yourself. So take a few minutes to identify your strengths, and recognize your uniqueness and special abilities and qualities. You may have average capability in some areas but that does not make you ‘average’ as a person.
Each group of friends has a unique chemistry and energy. It cannot be replaced by another group in exactly the same way as no two groups will be alike. The new group will never be exactly like the old, but will have its own energy and positives.
You say you are scared about your future. What is your worst fear? I feel that this fear is overwhelming you and you are losing your motivation to study. Name your fears. When you name them, they are not as scary any more and often you realize that some of them may not even be rational. You need to find your own motivation to study. And this motivation has to come from you, not from your parents pushing you. After all, who will be the biggest beneficiary of your hard work?
All the best
Dear Madam,
I am a student of class X studying in a residential school. I feel that I am turning out to be inferior. In my previous classes, I was bold enough to face the public in competitions or other activities. However, now I hesitate to open up my ideas. I even hesitate to speak out certain correct things in front of my teachers. This has led me to develop an inferiority complex. Nowadays my voice shivers, whenever I speak to the public in certain competitions. Most of my classmates tease me whenever my voice shivers. I feel ashamed. So please help me.Yashaswini
Dear Yashaswini,
I understand that you are feeling you are not good enough and are faced with self-doubt and this is stopping you from expressing your opinion, either in class or on stage. You also think your friends are teasing you because of this. I want you to make an attempt at understanding what your fear is. What in your opinion is the worst thing that could happen if you did express your opinion, or if you did falter while speaking on stage? Once you are able to name your fear you will be able to address it.
Also, you must understand all your strengths and recognize your weaknesses. Those friends who laugh at you also have their weaknesses. They are not perfect, and neither are you. Why don’t you let them know how you feel when they laugh at you? Being open about your feelings gives you strength to face situations. For instance, if you are nervous before a speech on stage, and you go up on the podium and in the first line or two mention about how making this speech is a very scary experience for you, you will find that you don’t then need to ‘pretend’ to be ‘brave’. You will understand that it is okay and normal to be scared, and one can overcome it.
But more than anything else, I want you to believe in yourself. Write down a list of all your strengths, and acknowledge them to yourself. Then make a list of your weaknesses, understand that everyone has weaknesses, see which ones you want to overcome and which ones you are comfortable living with. And then go ahead and overcome them. In this process take the help of a trusted adult you can work with. Better still work with a counselor.
All the best
Dear Ma’am,
I am a Class IX CBSE student studying in Kendriya Vidyalaya. Recently I have changed the section and I am facing an inconvenience. I was the topper in my previous classes. After changing the section, I am feeling I can't cope up because of the competition. All the toppers of the other sections are in my section and I feel inferior amongst them. I want to gain my confidence back.
A student
Dear student,
The important thing is not to try to be the topper all the time, but to perform to the best of your ability and to put in your best effort to achieve your potential. Being the topper among a class of mediocre students does not help you achieve your potential in life as much as being amongst a group of bright students who are all striving to achieve their best. This kind of positive peer pressure helps you reduce the gap between your performance and your potential because it forces you to push yourself. Don’t view this as a failure because you are not topping now. Instead, view it as an opportunity that is allowing you to push yourself to succeed. Because ultimately success in life will not come because you topped in your 9th grade, or 10th grade, but because you learnt the important life lesson of pushing yourself and putting in your best effort. Success is not about getting the highest marks in any given group.
Success is about driving yourself to do the best you can. It is about doing better than you did the last time, not necessarily about doing better than everyone else. Use yourself as a benchmark, and let the class drive you to your potential. The moment you shift the benchmark of performance from the rest of the class, to yourself and your previous performance, your focus will change. The marks you get only make a point to others, which is not important. Your effort makes a point to yourself, which is the only thing that matters.
Don’t base your confidence on what others are getting. Don’t view others’ marks as a deterrent - instead view them as a driver and a motivator that will narrow the gap between your performance and your effort.
Hope this helps. All the best
Dear Ma’am,
I am Likitha of class 12. I am an average student (70%) but in 10th I got good marks (90%). I had a wonderful set of friends, but I changed my college even though I didn’t want to, because of my parents’ pressure. In the new college also I made friends but they are not so close like my old friends. And here I don’t know why I have lost interest in studies. Before, at least I used to open my books but now even if I do so, after sometime I feel sleepy, or else I loose interest and close my books. I plan to study each day, but I keep thinking I will do it after some time and the day will be gone. With my own interest I took PCMB. I wanted to become a doctor. I know it is not so easy but seeing my marks I have lost confidence. My mom wanted me to take commerce and now she scolds me saying, “If you can’t, why did you take science?” There are only a few months left for my board exams. I am scared about my future. Please help me.
Likitha
Dear Likitha,
I notice that you are already speaking in past tense about your desire to become a doctor, as though it is something that is already not possible. I urge you not to give up your dreams so easily. But make sure it is something you want to do, and not something you are pursuing only to prove yourself to your parents (or anyone else). I also notice that you are labelling yourself as ‘average’ and are surprised by your performance in the 10th. Labels are very dangerous and we tend to live up to the labels we give ourselves. If you consider yourself as ‘average’ you will tend to fulfill that label for yourself. So take a few minutes to identify your strengths, and recognize your uniqueness and special abilities and qualities. You may have average capability in some areas but that does not make you ‘average’ as a person.
Each group of friends has a unique chemistry and energy. It cannot be replaced by another group in exactly the same way as no two groups will be alike. The new group will never be exactly like the old, but will have its own energy and positives.
You say you are scared about your future. What is your worst fear? I feel that this fear is overwhelming you and you are losing your motivation to study. Name your fears. When you name them, they are not as scary any more and often you realize that some of them may not even be rational. You need to find your own motivation to study. And this motivation has to come from you, not from your parents pushing you. After all, who will be the biggest beneficiary of your hard work?
All the best
Friday, 6 September 2013
Learn from failures - Ask our counsellor Q&A column
[The following colum written by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education Supplement of September 5, 2013]
Dear Madam,
I completed my Class X in 2007 with 78%, and my 12th in 2011 with 49%. I had failed two times in 12th. I joined in an engineering college taking electronics and communication. Now I am in the second year. I had 78% of marks in the first year of the degree, but have failed in the second year now. I feel my life to be ruined and have lost confidence in myself. My parents too have lost confidence in me. I do not know what to do in life. I have lost three precious years of my life. If I complete my BE course too, I will not get a good job. I am very confused.
Kaushik
Dear Kaushik
I understand that you are struggling to complete your engineering degree and are losing confidence, not only in your ability to complete the course, but also to be able to get a job. You are worried that you have lost 3 years of life. Success lies in being able to bounce back from a low period. You can choose to say you have wasted three years of your life, and so there is no point, your whole life is a waste. Or you can choose to say that I have wasted three years, but that is only a mere 3-4% of my life. Let me see what I can learn from these failures so that I don’t waste the rest. If you are able to take away some valuable life lessons from this experience, it will not have been a wasted three years.
You need to be able to look at having a successful career, not just at getting the next job. A successful career does not depend on the marks in your exams, but on your other strengths, your confidence, your communication skills, your self esteem, your ability to work in a team, your problem-solving skills, your ability to think out of the box, your creativity, etc. So my suggestion is that first go ahead and identify your strengths (and I am sure you will have some, even though right now it may not seem like that). Think about what kind of career will help you leverage your strengths. Focus on developing some of those strengths. And, if in the process of this introspection, you discover that you would rather be following a different path, don’t be afraid of change. Three years is just that, three years. It is not a life time and you need to be able to put it in perspective. The biggest mistake you can make is to believe that it is your whole life, and everything is lost.
Dear Madam,
I am a student of class XII and have taken up Science. When I was in Class X, I did not know what to opt for as a career, as I was not able to judge what I was good at. I am an average student. Therefore, I opted for science so that I can choose anything later. I wanted to pursue journalism as my career but was not sure. Today, I am sure that I want to be a journalist, but I have to join a reputed college. The problem is that I have lost the little interest I had in studies. The subjects I am studying now seem meaningless for me. They just don't interest me at all. I am not scoring well either. I get 60% or so. Now, my marks and my goal horrify me. I try a lot to study. It’s just not happening. Looking at my present, I get worried about my future. Please tell me what I should do!
Student
Dear student,
I understand your confusion, and your decision on choice of subjects. I think you did the right thing by choosing subjects that kept your options open since you did not know what career you wanted to pursue. Whether you pursue journalism or any other career, gaining a scientific understanding of the world always proves to be beneficial and can add value. My feeling is that now, since you have decided on journalism, you think what you are studying right now is a waste of time, and have, therefore, lost interest in it. That need not necessarily be true. Even if you become a journalist, you may not yet know what kind of journalist you want to become. Journalists also need a certain depth of understanding of the subjects they are going to write about. So journalism can be a career that is built as a layer on top of subject matter knowledge. Your degree in Science will go a long way in becoming a field of specialisation as a journalist for you, if taken seriously. A journalist, specialised in Science and Technology - That would be interesting, right?
You say you are an average student. That means you have given yourself a pre-decided label and will not give yourself the opportunity to break out of the ‘average’ mould. Think about what are your strengths. Break up your big goal of becoming a journalist into smaller steps, some of which you can address now itself. For instance, start writing on topics that may interest you. Try getting your writings published. Write your own blog, etc. This will help you to establish your credentials when you get to the point of launching yourself into journalism. It will also help you differentiate yourself. Don’t let your anxiety about your future, take away the joy from your present. Failure is never final unless you let it. You can always bounce back from failures, provided you learn from them and allow yourself to.
All the best
Dear Madam,
I completed my Class X in 2007 with 78%, and my 12th in 2011 with 49%. I had failed two times in 12th. I joined in an engineering college taking electronics and communication. Now I am in the second year. I had 78% of marks in the first year of the degree, but have failed in the second year now. I feel my life to be ruined and have lost confidence in myself. My parents too have lost confidence in me. I do not know what to do in life. I have lost three precious years of my life. If I complete my BE course too, I will not get a good job. I am very confused.
Kaushik
Dear Kaushik
I understand that you are struggling to complete your engineering degree and are losing confidence, not only in your ability to complete the course, but also to be able to get a job. You are worried that you have lost 3 years of life. Success lies in being able to bounce back from a low period. You can choose to say you have wasted three years of your life, and so there is no point, your whole life is a waste. Or you can choose to say that I have wasted three years, but that is only a mere 3-4% of my life. Let me see what I can learn from these failures so that I don’t waste the rest. If you are able to take away some valuable life lessons from this experience, it will not have been a wasted three years.
You need to be able to look at having a successful career, not just at getting the next job. A successful career does not depend on the marks in your exams, but on your other strengths, your confidence, your communication skills, your self esteem, your ability to work in a team, your problem-solving skills, your ability to think out of the box, your creativity, etc. So my suggestion is that first go ahead and identify your strengths (and I am sure you will have some, even though right now it may not seem like that). Think about what kind of career will help you leverage your strengths. Focus on developing some of those strengths. And, if in the process of this introspection, you discover that you would rather be following a different path, don’t be afraid of change. Three years is just that, three years. It is not a life time and you need to be able to put it in perspective. The biggest mistake you can make is to believe that it is your whole life, and everything is lost.
Dear Madam,
I am a student of class XII and have taken up Science. When I was in Class X, I did not know what to opt for as a career, as I was not able to judge what I was good at. I am an average student. Therefore, I opted for science so that I can choose anything later. I wanted to pursue journalism as my career but was not sure. Today, I am sure that I want to be a journalist, but I have to join a reputed college. The problem is that I have lost the little interest I had in studies. The subjects I am studying now seem meaningless for me. They just don't interest me at all. I am not scoring well either. I get 60% or so. Now, my marks and my goal horrify me. I try a lot to study. It’s just not happening. Looking at my present, I get worried about my future. Please tell me what I should do!
Student
Dear student,
I understand your confusion, and your decision on choice of subjects. I think you did the right thing by choosing subjects that kept your options open since you did not know what career you wanted to pursue. Whether you pursue journalism or any other career, gaining a scientific understanding of the world always proves to be beneficial and can add value. My feeling is that now, since you have decided on journalism, you think what you are studying right now is a waste of time, and have, therefore, lost interest in it. That need not necessarily be true. Even if you become a journalist, you may not yet know what kind of journalist you want to become. Journalists also need a certain depth of understanding of the subjects they are going to write about. So journalism can be a career that is built as a layer on top of subject matter knowledge. Your degree in Science will go a long way in becoming a field of specialisation as a journalist for you, if taken seriously. A journalist, specialised in Science and Technology - That would be interesting, right?
You say you are an average student. That means you have given yourself a pre-decided label and will not give yourself the opportunity to break out of the ‘average’ mould. Think about what are your strengths. Break up your big goal of becoming a journalist into smaller steps, some of which you can address now itself. For instance, start writing on topics that may interest you. Try getting your writings published. Write your own blog, etc. This will help you to establish your credentials when you get to the point of launching yourself into journalism. It will also help you differentiate yourself. Don’t let your anxiety about your future, take away the joy from your present. Failure is never final unless you let it. You can always bounce back from failures, provided you learn from them and allow yourself to.
All the best
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