[The following queries answered by me appeared in Deccan Herald of September 8, 2011]
Dear Madam,
I am studying in PUC II. I was doing well till Class 8 but after that I started losing interest in studies. I am not saying that I can’t study, but I get bored. If I sit down to study, I can’t concentrate on the subjects. This has affected my scores. In PUC I, I scored 70 per cent. Every week, I have tests at the tuition classes that I am attending and I am not able to prepare well. Please help me. I want to pursue an engineering degree from a reputed college and become a successful engineer.
XYZ
Dear XYZ,
Try and think about what changed for you after Class 8. Why did your interest drop? Were there, or are there, any distractions that are keeping you from focussing on what you need to do. What is your motivation to study? Are you doing it for yourself, and your brighter future, or are you doing it under pressure from the environment and because your parents are forcing you to. If you are doing it for someone else, I can understand why you are getting bored, because it is then a chore to be done. You do not see any benefit in it for yourself.
I am happy to hear you say that you can do it, it is just that you don’t want to do it. So you do believe that you are capable of it, and the only thing holding you back, is yourself. That is a much better situation to be in because then everything is within your control. It is situations outside your control that are much more difficult to deal with. If the only thing holding you back is yourself, then I am sure that once you realise that the beneficiary of your studying is none other than you, you will find the motivation to do it. If you study and do well, the person who benefits the most is you, not your parents or anyone else in your life. If you want to become an engineer, and that to from a top college, then there is no short-cut to putting in effort. However, till you believe the effort is being done for someone else, it will always remain a chore. Once you realise it is for yourself, you will start enjoying the journey and focussing on it instead of focussing only on the destination. If your goal is to climb Mount Everest, there is no other way to get there, other than enjoying the journey and the process. If you don’t enjoy trekking and consider the journey as torturous, the peak will remain an unattainable goal. If you enjoy trekking, then, even if you eventually don’t make it to the ultimate goal, at least you have enjoyed the trek.
So, reexamine your motivation, and enjoy the journey.
Dear Madam,
I am studying in PUC II and I am interested in doing Aeronautical Engineering. For this, I have decided to take the AIEEE, but my parents are constantly opposing it. A fortune teller has informed them that I will not be successful if I take that exam. How can I convince my parents to believe otherwise? And, in case I do not get admission to an engineering college, can I go for pilot training? Is it true that a pilot license could cost me lakhs of rupees?
Keerthi
Dear Keerthi,
Your parents are probably anxious about your future and are, therefore, seeking inputs from fortune tellers. Unfortunately, when we get these inputs, and try to predict our future, we start believing in them, and they become like self-fulfilling prophecies. You will start believing that anyway I will not do well in this exam, because that is what the fortune teller has said, so why should I study hard. If you don’t study hard, you will not do well. The fortune teller’s prophecy will come true and you will start believing that what the fortune teller told you (or your parents) was indeed true. My advice for you is to retain control of your results with you. Don’t give it up to someone who has no interest or influence in the matter. If you believe you can do it, then just do it and give it your best shot, irrespective of what anyone is saying. And, if you make a mistake along the way, don’t worry — just view it as a stumbling block on your path.
I think it would be wise for you to sit with your parents, and understand their anxieties. Are they financial or are they based on what the fortune teller has said? If you really want to pursue this course, then you may need to look into the financial aspects and see the feasibility of taking an educational loan. Don’t let fortune tellers determine your course of action. You are your best fortune teller. If you believe you can do it, you will find a way to do it. And, even if you don’t make it to the top colleges, I am sure some other opportunities will open up for you. When one door closes, another one opens — we just need to look for it, and allow the possibility of it.
There are many students who focus on the professional entrance exams in preference to the Board exams, and they are comfortable with that choice. It is really your call. I am not a career counsellor and so will not be able to give you details on the course, and which course you should study. Yes, I have heard, that getting a pilot’s license is very expensive.
Good luck.
Thursday, 8 September 2011
Sunday, 21 August 2011
Believe in Yourself - Ask Our Counsellor Q&A Column
[The following queries answered by me appeared in Deccan Herald Education supplement on August 18, 2011]
Dear Madam,
I am in the first year of BSc. I’ve had this large-scale project on my mind for quite sometime now. I even wanted to patent it. My parents and my aunt think that I am too young to think of patents and want me to concentrate on my priorities — studying and passing my degree. But I am passionate about this project and I want to make it a success by patenting it. I’m really confused. Does it have to be, that I can start thinking of major projects only once I get a PhD?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I commend you on your passion and enthusiasm, and, more importantly, your belief in yourself. No, you don’t have to start thinking of major projects only after you get a PhD. I think you should find yourself a mentor who believes in you and your ideas and who will help you do what you are trying to do. The best way to know if your idea has merit is to bounce it off people with relevant experience and get their feedback on it.
Your family may not be having experience in that area, and also, may not be having experience with risk taking. They may be used to playing safe bets, and may be viewing your idea as a risk. They may be wanting to protect you from failure.
Then, in their mind, you would have lost out time on your degree as well and not gained anything. My advice to you is that if you believe in your idea, then go with it. If you fail, it will just be a learning process and a stepping stone to your next big idea. You would still have learnt a lot in the process. And your most important learning may be to take failure in its stride.
Unless you try, you will never know, and most of the time, the difference between achieving success and failure, lies in the passion of the person driving the cause. Good luck!
Dear Madam,
I cannot concentrate on my studies. I am constantly distracted by voices in my head. My mind begins to wander and I find myself thinking about movies or chatting with friends. I am in Class 12 and I am worried about my performance. My parents and teachers have pinned a lot of hope on me. Please help.
X
Dear X,
There are several things that you have mentioned in your letter which could be contributing to the confusion and difficulty you are facing.
I suggest you get the help of a psychiatrist to see if these inner voices are just a temporary distracting phenomena, or are of a more permanent nature. In which case you will need to understand how to tame them.
You also talk about having an inferiority complex, being confused, and feeling pressured to live up to the hopes of your parents and teachers. You also feel a little helpless and don’t know how to manage the many conflicting emotions that you are facing. I have often written on this subject in this column and would urge you to read some of my articles on the subjects:
*See a lion in the mirror (http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.com/2010/09/see-lion-in-mirror.html);
*It’s not the end of the road (http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.com/2010/09/its-not-end-of-road.html);
*How balanced are your see-saws (http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.com/2010/09/how-balanced-are-your-see-saws.html)
These address some of the issues that you have raised. I’d like you to think about your situation where you started believing that you are inferior, that your side of the seesaw is lower while the other side is higher. You must realise that everyone has some faults, and weakness, just like their strengths. Recognising and acknowledging our strengths, while accepting and working on our weaknesses, is the biggest service we can do to ourselves. And, living up to our own expectations, rather than those of others, should be our biggest motivator.
Dear Madam,
I am in the first year of BSc. I’ve had this large-scale project on my mind for quite sometime now. I even wanted to patent it. My parents and my aunt think that I am too young to think of patents and want me to concentrate on my priorities — studying and passing my degree. But I am passionate about this project and I want to make it a success by patenting it. I’m really confused. Does it have to be, that I can start thinking of major projects only once I get a PhD?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I commend you on your passion and enthusiasm, and, more importantly, your belief in yourself. No, you don’t have to start thinking of major projects only after you get a PhD. I think you should find yourself a mentor who believes in you and your ideas and who will help you do what you are trying to do. The best way to know if your idea has merit is to bounce it off people with relevant experience and get their feedback on it.
Your family may not be having experience in that area, and also, may not be having experience with risk taking. They may be used to playing safe bets, and may be viewing your idea as a risk. They may be wanting to protect you from failure.
Then, in their mind, you would have lost out time on your degree as well and not gained anything. My advice to you is that if you believe in your idea, then go with it. If you fail, it will just be a learning process and a stepping stone to your next big idea. You would still have learnt a lot in the process. And your most important learning may be to take failure in its stride.
Unless you try, you will never know, and most of the time, the difference between achieving success and failure, lies in the passion of the person driving the cause. Good luck!
Dear Madam,
I cannot concentrate on my studies. I am constantly distracted by voices in my head. My mind begins to wander and I find myself thinking about movies or chatting with friends. I am in Class 12 and I am worried about my performance. My parents and teachers have pinned a lot of hope on me. Please help.
X
Dear X,
There are several things that you have mentioned in your letter which could be contributing to the confusion and difficulty you are facing.
I suggest you get the help of a psychiatrist to see if these inner voices are just a temporary distracting phenomena, or are of a more permanent nature. In which case you will need to understand how to tame them.
You also talk about having an inferiority complex, being confused, and feeling pressured to live up to the hopes of your parents and teachers. You also feel a little helpless and don’t know how to manage the many conflicting emotions that you are facing. I have often written on this subject in this column and would urge you to read some of my articles on the subjects:
*See a lion in the mirror (http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.com/2010/09/see-lion-in-mirror.html);
*It’s not the end of the road (http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.com/2010/09/its-not-end-of-road.html);
*How balanced are your see-saws (http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.com/2010/09/how-balanced-are-your-see-saws.html)
These address some of the issues that you have raised. I’d like you to think about your situation where you started believing that you are inferior, that your side of the seesaw is lower while the other side is higher. You must realise that everyone has some faults, and weakness, just like their strengths. Recognising and acknowledging our strengths, while accepting and working on our weaknesses, is the biggest service we can do to ourselves. And, living up to our own expectations, rather than those of others, should be our biggest motivator.
Thursday, 28 July 2011
Failures are mere bumps on the road - Ask Our Counsellor Q&A column
[The following queries answered by me appeared in Deccan Herald Education supplement on July 28, 2011]
Dear Madam,
In life we have to go through changes that will define who we are, give us that identity. I think a lot has to do with what I want to do in my life and I feel I have found it. I really want to change this world. Depending on the success we define for ourselves we carve out a path, a plan. For this we need to think a lot, plan a lot and then implement it. How do we know that what we are thinking is the right way? What if my thinking is flawed. What if it leads to a catastrophic failure? I know the way we tackle failures define us but sometimes results and being successful in certain areas are important. Can you also tell me how to tackle misfortunes that occur in our pursuit to be really successful? I don't have a trusted adult whom I can talk to.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous
Your desire to change this world is creditable. However, for any such large ambiguous goal, you need to break it down into smaller, more manageable, definable and achievable goals. How do you want to change the world? What all will you do towards that end? And, how will you know if you have achieved it?
The best way to test out your thinking is to bounce off your ideas with people who can provide you useful inputs. You may be able to find on-line sources of ideas in the field that you are talking about. You say you don’t have a trusted adult whom you can talk to. You can cultivate friendships based around your common interests and test out your ideas there.
How you deal with failures along the way, and there are bound to be some, is a function of how you define success for yourself. And I think you should gain clarity on how you will define success. Failures need to be treated, not as roadblocks, but as mere bumps on the road. You should just bounce off them and be on your path again. You need not necessarily have to change paths. And, the best way to get over your fear of failure is to also define and articulate what exactly you are scared of. What does the failure mean to you, and if you fail what are your worst fears about it. Remember, if you concretise what you are scared about, you may suddenly realise that the worst possible outcome that you are envisaging, may actually not be that scary. It may be something you could easily deal with and move on. One of my favourite quotes is “Failure is an event, not a person”. Keep that in mind and you will be able to move past any failures that come your way.
Dear Madam,
I have completed my BA 4th semester but I failed to perform well in the exams. Now I want to get more marks in the 5th and 6th semesters. Please help me concentrate on my studies.
Mallu S K
Dear Mallu,
It is good that you are now feeling motivated to perform better in your exams. It is very important to be able to bounce back after a failure, rather than feel defeated by it. Failure is an event, not a person. So while you may have failed at an exam, it is important to ensure that you do not start believing that you are a failure.
What is your motivation for getting more marks in the next semesters? Is it because you want to do well and you see it as a stepping stone towards a larger goal that you have in mind. Or, is it because your parents want you to get more marks and you want to either please them, or keep them quiet. If you are doing it for your parents, and see no ultimate purpose in it for yourself, then I’m afraid concentrating will be a challenge even this time around. If you are doing it for yourself, then your motivation for achieving your goals will drive your own efforts.
Whatever your motivation, you need to remember that these marks cannot be your end goal. It is important to always have the larger goal in mind, so that we don’t view failures along the way as ultimate failures, but only as small hurdles on the path to achieving the larger goal. Edison failed a thousand times before he finally invented the light bulb. However, when asked how he dealt with so much failure, he said he had not failed. It was just a thousand step process.
Dear Madam,
In life we have to go through changes that will define who we are, give us that identity. I think a lot has to do with what I want to do in my life and I feel I have found it. I really want to change this world. Depending on the success we define for ourselves we carve out a path, a plan. For this we need to think a lot, plan a lot and then implement it. How do we know that what we are thinking is the right way? What if my thinking is flawed. What if it leads to a catastrophic failure? I know the way we tackle failures define us but sometimes results and being successful in certain areas are important. Can you also tell me how to tackle misfortunes that occur in our pursuit to be really successful? I don't have a trusted adult whom I can talk to.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous
Your desire to change this world is creditable. However, for any such large ambiguous goal, you need to break it down into smaller, more manageable, definable and achievable goals. How do you want to change the world? What all will you do towards that end? And, how will you know if you have achieved it?
The best way to test out your thinking is to bounce off your ideas with people who can provide you useful inputs. You may be able to find on-line sources of ideas in the field that you are talking about. You say you don’t have a trusted adult whom you can talk to. You can cultivate friendships based around your common interests and test out your ideas there.
How you deal with failures along the way, and there are bound to be some, is a function of how you define success for yourself. And I think you should gain clarity on how you will define success. Failures need to be treated, not as roadblocks, but as mere bumps on the road. You should just bounce off them and be on your path again. You need not necessarily have to change paths. And, the best way to get over your fear of failure is to also define and articulate what exactly you are scared of. What does the failure mean to you, and if you fail what are your worst fears about it. Remember, if you concretise what you are scared about, you may suddenly realise that the worst possible outcome that you are envisaging, may actually not be that scary. It may be something you could easily deal with and move on. One of my favourite quotes is “Failure is an event, not a person”. Keep that in mind and you will be able to move past any failures that come your way.
Dear Madam,
I have completed my BA 4th semester but I failed to perform well in the exams. Now I want to get more marks in the 5th and 6th semesters. Please help me concentrate on my studies.
Mallu S K
Dear Mallu,
It is good that you are now feeling motivated to perform better in your exams. It is very important to be able to bounce back after a failure, rather than feel defeated by it. Failure is an event, not a person. So while you may have failed at an exam, it is important to ensure that you do not start believing that you are a failure.
What is your motivation for getting more marks in the next semesters? Is it because you want to do well and you see it as a stepping stone towards a larger goal that you have in mind. Or, is it because your parents want you to get more marks and you want to either please them, or keep them quiet. If you are doing it for your parents, and see no ultimate purpose in it for yourself, then I’m afraid concentrating will be a challenge even this time around. If you are doing it for yourself, then your motivation for achieving your goals will drive your own efforts.
Whatever your motivation, you need to remember that these marks cannot be your end goal. It is important to always have the larger goal in mind, so that we don’t view failures along the way as ultimate failures, but only as small hurdles on the path to achieving the larger goal. Edison failed a thousand times before he finally invented the light bulb. However, when asked how he dealt with so much failure, he said he had not failed. It was just a thousand step process.
Thursday, 7 July 2011
Communication is the Key - Ask Our Counsellor Q & A Column July 7, 2011
[The following queries answered by me appeared in Deccan Herald Education supplement on July 7, 2011]
Dear Madam,
Even though I’m very patient with my friends, I lose my temper with my folks at home. My parents comment on each and every move of mine. I really don’t intend to offend them, but sometimes I lose my control . They seem to oppose everything I do which makes me feel I’m incomplete and always wrong. Please suggest a remedy for my problem.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you feel suffocated by the constant monitoring of your parents. You also feel that they do not have confidence in you, or trust in your capabilities. This makes you feel inadequate and incapable.
What stops you from having a conversation with them about how their behaviour makes you feel? Our teenage years are when we individuate from our parents, and define ourselves. Parents often tend to miss this dynamic taking place, and end up being either judgmental or uncomfortable with their children taking on different points of view. They often don’t recognise their child’s growing need for some space .
Anger is a secondary emotion. It is the result of your feeling some other primary emotion — like feeling lonely, sad, guilty, inadequate, unloved, unworthy, and a host of other feelings. It is important for you to be able to identify your underlying primary emotions which result in your feeling angry. And, then discuss this dynamic with your parents.
If you feel unable to have this conversation with your parents on your own (because of your heightened emotions), I suggest you see a counsellor on your own (who can help you deal with your emotions), or as a family (so that the family dynamics can get sorted out). Communication is the key. I am sure your parents don’t have bad intentions. If this is causing you discomfort, then the onus to resolve this lies with you.
Dear Madam,
I completed my PU but failed to perform well in CET. I aspire to be a great doctor. Please help me. I’ve planned to write CET again next year. But I often get bored with books. Staying all alone at home, I waste my time watching TV. My parents don’t let me touch a cell phone or laptop. Help me in concentrating on my studies.
XYZ
Dear XYZ,
I commend you for clarity on your ambition and aspirations. And, also, for the fact that you want to be, not just a doctor, but a great doctor. Unfortunately for the path you have chosen you would need to put in a lot of hard work and there are no shortcuts for that. However, the motivation for the hard work has to come from within you. And, if it genuinely is coming from within you, then you would not feel bored working towards your goal.
I am not able to reconcile the first part of your email to the second part. You would not be complaining about not having access to a cell phone or laptop, and watching too much TV. It seems to me that your parents are putting in these controls to help you work towards a goal that they have set for you. I think you need to search within and see what is it that you genuinely want. Once you have found that, you will have no time for distractions if you are truly committed to your path.
Dear Madam,
Even though I’m very patient with my friends, I lose my temper with my folks at home. My parents comment on each and every move of mine. I really don’t intend to offend them, but sometimes I lose my control . They seem to oppose everything I do which makes me feel I’m incomplete and always wrong. Please suggest a remedy for my problem.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you feel suffocated by the constant monitoring of your parents. You also feel that they do not have confidence in you, or trust in your capabilities. This makes you feel inadequate and incapable.
What stops you from having a conversation with them about how their behaviour makes you feel? Our teenage years are when we individuate from our parents, and define ourselves. Parents often tend to miss this dynamic taking place, and end up being either judgmental or uncomfortable with their children taking on different points of view. They often don’t recognise their child’s growing need for some space .
Anger is a secondary emotion. It is the result of your feeling some other primary emotion — like feeling lonely, sad, guilty, inadequate, unloved, unworthy, and a host of other feelings. It is important for you to be able to identify your underlying primary emotions which result in your feeling angry. And, then discuss this dynamic with your parents.
If you feel unable to have this conversation with your parents on your own (because of your heightened emotions), I suggest you see a counsellor on your own (who can help you deal with your emotions), or as a family (so that the family dynamics can get sorted out). Communication is the key. I am sure your parents don’t have bad intentions. If this is causing you discomfort, then the onus to resolve this lies with you.
Dear Madam,
I completed my PU but failed to perform well in CET. I aspire to be a great doctor. Please help me. I’ve planned to write CET again next year. But I often get bored with books. Staying all alone at home, I waste my time watching TV. My parents don’t let me touch a cell phone or laptop. Help me in concentrating on my studies.
XYZ
Dear XYZ,
I commend you for clarity on your ambition and aspirations. And, also, for the fact that you want to be, not just a doctor, but a great doctor. Unfortunately for the path you have chosen you would need to put in a lot of hard work and there are no shortcuts for that. However, the motivation for the hard work has to come from within you. And, if it genuinely is coming from within you, then you would not feel bored working towards your goal.
I am not able to reconcile the first part of your email to the second part. You would not be complaining about not having access to a cell phone or laptop, and watching too much TV. It seems to me that your parents are putting in these controls to help you work towards a goal that they have set for you. I think you need to search within and see what is it that you genuinely want. Once you have found that, you will have no time for distractions if you are truly committed to your path.
Thursday, 16 June 2011
Train your mind to concentrate - Ask Our Counsellor - Q&A column June 16, 2011
[The following queries answered by me appeared in Deccan Herald Education supplement on June 16, 2011]
Dear Madam,
My son is studying in II PUC (PCMB) and he is attending coaching classes. But, he is unable to concentrate on his studies. He does not have any close friends to share his feelings/difficulties. We are trying our level best to get him to concentrate on his studies. Does he require counselling? Will he be able to score good marks if he goes through text books?
Anxious Parent
Dear Parent
If you are not able to manage your anxiety, it is going to translate onto your child and hamper his performance. You may find it helpful to get a counsellor’s help in managing your anxiety. As parents, we see our child’s ‘success’ as a validation for our own parenting, and therein lies the stress. So you need to understand how you define ‘success’ in life for yourself, and your child. Success in life depends on several factors, like self-esteem, confidence, and the ability to think creatively, learn quickly, work independently, and in a team, communicate well, and empathise with people, to mention just a few. Also, you need to see why your sense of self-validation is so heavily dependent on your son being ‘successful’. I think you need to learn to deal with your anxiety about your child’s success.
Now, coming back to your son,
To get the most out of his time, he must be able to concentrate on what he is doing in the moment, rather than let his mind wander. The ability to concentrate is a skill that the mind can be trained for, so that he controls the mind (and its thoughts) rather than the other way around.
Some exercises to help you improve his concentration are:
* Counting backwards in his mind from 100 to 1
*Counting every third number backwards in his mind from 100 to 1
*Counting the words in a paragraph of his book without using his finger as a pointer.
Once this is easy, counting the words on a page.
*Repeating an inspiring word or a simple sound, in his mind for five minutes. Once this is easy, try doing it for ten minutes.
It is very important for him to be able to share his feelings with someone. If he doesn’t have friends, and he is unable to talk to you, then it will probably be helpful for him to meet a counsellor. Don’t forget, if you have anxieties about his future, he will also have anxieties about his future, probably even more than you.
Dear Madam
I am doing my 2nd PUC in Commerce. Since my parents are lawyers, I am also influenced by them in certain ways and am interested in Law. But I am also interested in Visual Communication. I know I shouldn’t do a course just because my parents are in the field and that I need to follow my passion. One day I want to be a lawyer and the next day I want to go into the creative line. How do I know if I am interested in Law or Visual Communications? Is it possible to do both?
A Student
Dear Student
I understand that you are confused as you keenly want to follow two career paths. I think that is a happy position to be in — to be clear about what choices you want to pursue, rather than not know what to do at all — and, to have multiple options, rather than just one.
Maybe you should get the help of a career counsellor to assess which field is a better match with your capabilities and interests.
Also, it may be important for you to understand the two fields in greater depth and gain clarity on what you would be doing if you went down either path. Five years, or ten years into the field, what do you visualise yourself doing, and how do you feel about it. Think of your strengths and weaknesses, and the opportunities and threats, with respect to both the fields and see if that helps you arrive at an answer. Talk to people working in both areas to get a realistic picture of what either career entails.
Also, be mindful of your motivation to do law — Is it that you are passionate about the subject, or is it the ease of being able to settle into an already existing practice which will give you a head start? Think about ways in which it may be possible for you to pursue one line as a passion, outside of your career.
Dear Madam,
My son is studying in II PUC (PCMB) and he is attending coaching classes. But, he is unable to concentrate on his studies. He does not have any close friends to share his feelings/difficulties. We are trying our level best to get him to concentrate on his studies. Does he require counselling? Will he be able to score good marks if he goes through text books?
Anxious Parent
Dear Parent
If you are not able to manage your anxiety, it is going to translate onto your child and hamper his performance. You may find it helpful to get a counsellor’s help in managing your anxiety. As parents, we see our child’s ‘success’ as a validation for our own parenting, and therein lies the stress. So you need to understand how you define ‘success’ in life for yourself, and your child. Success in life depends on several factors, like self-esteem, confidence, and the ability to think creatively, learn quickly, work independently, and in a team, communicate well, and empathise with people, to mention just a few. Also, you need to see why your sense of self-validation is so heavily dependent on your son being ‘successful’. I think you need to learn to deal with your anxiety about your child’s success.
Now, coming back to your son,
To get the most out of his time, he must be able to concentrate on what he is doing in the moment, rather than let his mind wander. The ability to concentrate is a skill that the mind can be trained for, so that he controls the mind (and its thoughts) rather than the other way around.
Some exercises to help you improve his concentration are:
* Counting backwards in his mind from 100 to 1
*Counting every third number backwards in his mind from 100 to 1
*Counting the words in a paragraph of his book without using his finger as a pointer.
Once this is easy, counting the words on a page.
*Repeating an inspiring word or a simple sound, in his mind for five minutes. Once this is easy, try doing it for ten minutes.
It is very important for him to be able to share his feelings with someone. If he doesn’t have friends, and he is unable to talk to you, then it will probably be helpful for him to meet a counsellor. Don’t forget, if you have anxieties about his future, he will also have anxieties about his future, probably even more than you.
Dear Madam
I am doing my 2nd PUC in Commerce. Since my parents are lawyers, I am also influenced by them in certain ways and am interested in Law. But I am also interested in Visual Communication. I know I shouldn’t do a course just because my parents are in the field and that I need to follow my passion. One day I want to be a lawyer and the next day I want to go into the creative line. How do I know if I am interested in Law or Visual Communications? Is it possible to do both?
A Student
Dear Student
I understand that you are confused as you keenly want to follow two career paths. I think that is a happy position to be in — to be clear about what choices you want to pursue, rather than not know what to do at all — and, to have multiple options, rather than just one.
Maybe you should get the help of a career counsellor to assess which field is a better match with your capabilities and interests.
Also, it may be important for you to understand the two fields in greater depth and gain clarity on what you would be doing if you went down either path. Five years, or ten years into the field, what do you visualise yourself doing, and how do you feel about it. Think of your strengths and weaknesses, and the opportunities and threats, with respect to both the fields and see if that helps you arrive at an answer. Talk to people working in both areas to get a realistic picture of what either career entails.
Also, be mindful of your motivation to do law — Is it that you are passionate about the subject, or is it the ease of being able to settle into an already existing practice which will give you a head start? Think about ways in which it may be possible for you to pursue one line as a passion, outside of your career.
Thursday, 26 May 2011
Chart Your Own Path - Ask Our Counsellor - Q&A Column May 26, 2011
[The following queries answered by me appeared in Deccan Herald Education supplement on May 26, 2011]
Dear Madam
I am a 15 year old boy. I love sports and I feel I can excel at it, but that’s just a gamble. My parents force me to study. As a result I secure low grades. Of late many sports men are found to be making a lot of money through sports, I think I could as well. What should I do, Study or Sports?
Dear Sportsperson
I have three observations to make about your letter. Firstly, are you aspiring to be a sportsperson for the love of the sport, or for the money you can make. Secondly, are you chasing sports for the love of sports, or for the desire to escape studying. And thirdly, if you are aspiring for the big league in sports, then by age 15 you would probably already have some indication if you can make it. So, check your motivation. Is it to make money, is it to avoid studying, or is it because you excel at it. I do not believe sports and studies are mutually exclusive. You may not excel in studies, but sports helps you concentrate better at your work and you would need some amount of knowledge about the world around you even to be a charismatic sportsman.
Ultimately, sports is about personal passion. But check your motivation first.
Dear Madam,
I have finished writing my CET exam. This is the second time I am attempting it and I have failed once again in securing a seat in the medical field. I am helpless at present and i don't have the courage to face my family members. I am really scared as I feel that I have disappointed them once again. Please help me. Is studying abroad a better option?
Dear Student
I can understand your worry and your anxiety. You feel helpless since you have failed at the exam a second time and don’t have the courage to face your family. You need courage to do something when you are scared of it. So my question to you is what are you scared about? Like I said in the earlier response, it is important to be able to name your fears. This helps us concretize them and see if the fears are rational or not. Sometimes we have a lot of irrational fears, and when we think about them we realize that there is no need for us to be scared of them. So what are your fears about facing your family? Are you scared that they will not love you anymore? Are you scared that they will throw you out of the house? Are you scared that they will not support you anymore? What are you scared about? They may be disappointed by your result, but their disappointment is something they have to deal with. After all no one gets everything they want, and facing disappointment is a part of life. So you don’t need to weigh yourself down with the burden of their disappointment. You need to focus on putting in your best effort in doing what you want to do. Read my article on putting exams in perspective at http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.com/2010/09/putting-exams-in-perspective.html
Remember, if one door closes, another one will open - you just need to look for it.
I don’t have an answer for you about whether studying abroad is a better option. It depends on your readiness to be in a new environment, your family’s financial situation, etc. Studying abroad is not a guarantee of success. The only guarantee is putting in your best effort at learning the maximum from every opportunity.
Dear Madam
I am a 15 year old boy. I love sports and I feel I can excel at it, but that’s just a gamble. My parents force me to study. As a result I secure low grades. Of late many sports men are found to be making a lot of money through sports, I think I could as well. What should I do, Study or Sports?
Dear Sportsperson
I have three observations to make about your letter. Firstly, are you aspiring to be a sportsperson for the love of the sport, or for the money you can make. Secondly, are you chasing sports for the love of sports, or for the desire to escape studying. And thirdly, if you are aspiring for the big league in sports, then by age 15 you would probably already have some indication if you can make it. So, check your motivation. Is it to make money, is it to avoid studying, or is it because you excel at it. I do not believe sports and studies are mutually exclusive. You may not excel in studies, but sports helps you concentrate better at your work and you would need some amount of knowledge about the world around you even to be a charismatic sportsman.
Ultimately, sports is about personal passion. But check your motivation first.
Dear Madam,
I have finished writing my CET exam. This is the second time I am attempting it and I have failed once again in securing a seat in the medical field. I am helpless at present and i don't have the courage to face my family members. I am really scared as I feel that I have disappointed them once again. Please help me. Is studying abroad a better option?
Dear Student
I can understand your worry and your anxiety. You feel helpless since you have failed at the exam a second time and don’t have the courage to face your family. You need courage to do something when you are scared of it. So my question to you is what are you scared about? Like I said in the earlier response, it is important to be able to name your fears. This helps us concretize them and see if the fears are rational or not. Sometimes we have a lot of irrational fears, and when we think about them we realize that there is no need for us to be scared of them. So what are your fears about facing your family? Are you scared that they will not love you anymore? Are you scared that they will throw you out of the house? Are you scared that they will not support you anymore? What are you scared about? They may be disappointed by your result, but their disappointment is something they have to deal with. After all no one gets everything they want, and facing disappointment is a part of life. So you don’t need to weigh yourself down with the burden of their disappointment. You need to focus on putting in your best effort in doing what you want to do. Read my article on putting exams in perspective at http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.com/2010/09/putting-exams-in-perspective.html
Remember, if one door closes, another one will open - you just need to look for it.
I don’t have an answer for you about whether studying abroad is a better option. It depends on your readiness to be in a new environment, your family’s financial situation, etc. Studying abroad is not a guarantee of success. The only guarantee is putting in your best effort at learning the maximum from every opportunity.
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